Last thing you said to your pet?

[NewLion]

Get your food.

No chance, Matey!

"You can have that now, Jen will be coming in from tomorrow morning, and we'll see you on Saturday"
-- we're away for a short break but she really only cares about where her next meal is coming from, so we feed her last thing before leaving as I talk her through what will happen during our absence

Food? Aww let’s have food, my lovely girl

Would you bloody just lie down and stop prancing about me digging your claws in 🐈

Sheety Flap-Flap is excellent! You get a sheet (or pile of towels or duvet cover). Bonus if it's freshly out of the tumble drier. One cat burrows under the sheet and the other jumps on top of her while you flap your hand in the folds of fabric. If you don't have a spare cat, you can always provide the cat jumping with your other hand 😁 My cats love laundry day!

DD was just in the kitchen making food and the dog rushed silently to the kitchen and all I heard was “how did you know I had cheese?” 🤣 He’s being a proper cheese monster tonight.

“Ooh you’re slipping - get the popcorn!” Dog somehow hadn’t noticed that I’d dropped a bit of popcorn on the sofa!

I sang her a special song that I made up especially for her … it’s to the tune of Frere Jacques

can I nibble you? Can I nibble you?
‘yes you can yes you can’ (this is her bit but I sing it for her)
nibble nibble nibble , nibble nibble nibble
‘i liked that, I liked that’

she’s a beautiful tabby cat and she likes a special song each day

Look at that tummy! (to cat flat on back in front of the fire)

Are we friends again after I cleaned your bumhole?

No more. You’ve had three peas and no more bubs.

😻

This - every day

Come in, you're annoying the neighbours.

(Only just said but she's still out there woofing.)

This is called bed mice in my household. Played it earlier today whilst the cat was interfering as I tried to change the sheets.

Who's done a poo?

Oh god, I forgot your birthday again. Happy birthday! You’re officially a geriatric cat!

Tu fais la greve? (Translation: are you on strike?)

This was to my dwarf hamster who is pretending not to hear me and refusing to leave her lion house. We’re watching the new series of L’Agence on Netfix hence the speaking in French.

Dickhead.

(I do love her, really.)

For fucks sake Lola! After she walked over me for the 90th time in five minutes.

Edited to add, this has had no effect whatsoever. 🙄

Hello Smelly
(affectionately)

Night Mutt as i put him in his kennel( he likes an early night), see you next week, make sure Malky ( the cat) behaves. To the cat.. Get out of that suitcase you fleabag.

I’m going to miss you baby. As I won’t see her for 3 weeks now 🥺

Can't remember. 42 years since I had a pet.

If you eat that, no kisses. Leave it!!
Food obsessed Peekapoochi about to eat a paper napkin in the street at tinkletops time 🤢