In the vein of "Chester draws"

[ShatnersWoodwind]

On a local selling page:

"Chabby Chique bedside tables".

😂

Bone Apple Teeth (Bon Appetite) 😂😂

😂It's not a doggy dog world either, by the way...just in case 😉

WTAF?! 😆 I have called it a fine toothcomb all these years. What a twat!

You learn something new every day!

😂

I have just read that someone is self fish. (It made me imagine that they self-identify as a fish).

An old friend once described a mutual acquaintance as a bit of a pre-Madonna. I quite liked that one.

My favourite, from Fb marketplace. Anybody interested in a lovely pair of... pliempfs?

KhakiSheep

This one isn't getting the recognition it deserves - smegma fridge 😂😂😂😂

Especially since the advert points out that the fridge magnets aren't included.
Even, presumably, the cock-and-balls one top left.

@Nana4 · Today 23:12

also have a friend who says “pacific” instead of specific

A woman in my village has legit written pacific (instead of specific) several times on the facebook page this past few weeks. I know people say it. I hadn't seen people write it before! 😆

@Mumof2girls2121 · Today 23:12

When people write 'my beloved angle' instead of angel 😂

And 'U shun not ov bin taken.' 😬

Valour sofa
Incompetence pads.

@1questionfromme Pliempfs! 😆

Swayed jacket!

On sweet

Someone I know always wondered why the religious group in a nearby town was known as the Christian Dolphins

I recently saw someone describe herself as a "war flower". Took me a moment...

I love "wrestler's night"! Going to start using that one!

Today on FB “my old da still crapes my car in the morning”

I've never had the chance to use this joke before:

What did they eat? Holy mackerel?

Sorry.

A roofer messaged me about repairs needed to my power pit wall.

I had no clue what he meant. But I googled it and up popped photos of parapet walls! So I guess he wasn't the first to get it wrong!

That's what DH and I call it now tho!!

I suppose it's possible, but extremely unlikely

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toothcomb

@VegetableCrisps they even have a cock'n'balls on the front to go with their Smegma 🤣

I have someone who ends all their messages "chow". They're not talking about food! Suspecting they do it to everyone and not wanting them to look like a total twat, I've tried explaining that "ciao" is Italian, but my point seems to have been lost on them because they're still doing it.

A lot of these I think is people using speech-to-text technology and it failing miserably in its interpretation of any kind of accent. I can't say my banks voice recognition phrase for their security recording and have to skip it every time, because it fails to recognise the phrase as correct in my natural accent. If I were to say it in 100% proper speech, it wouldn't be an accurate recording of my voice and I don't want to get locked out of my bank account because I didn't put on a posh enough accent to pass security!

Has nobody yet mentioned brought/bought 😡

Nexstor neighbours

raggedbottomjeans

I have someone who ends all their messages "chow". They're not talking about food!

My mother told me about her friend Doreen back in the 1960s. Doreen used to like to pretend she was French when she and my mother got chatted up and would say things like "Ooh, la la!" and "Oui, oui".
One evening they went to a film that had French subtitles.
Moreen nudged my mother: "What's that 'Oy! Oy!' they keep putting up?"
It turned out that she genuinely thought "Yes" in French was "Wee".

‘towing the line’ is what bargees horses did years ago, along the tow path