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Original poster

How to politely inform parent that sibling is not invited?

251 replies

ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 09:44

Hi everyone,

Possibly a bit of a contentious topic, but here goes…

We sent out invites for our youngest’s birthday party and on the invites we wrote each child’s name.

One of the parents replied to me quoting both of their children’s names and saying “they” had received the invitation and “they” would love to come to the party.
I found it a bit rude as it wasn’t even like they asked whether they could bring the other child. Also, I am aware that the other child is disruptive and honestly, I just don’t want them spoiling my child’s party.

So, I now have to think of a polite (but assertive) way to reply stating that the sibling is not invited - any idea how to word it?!

OP posts:
Original poster
ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 11:43

Sorry, trying to keep it neutral just in case, but prob didn’t make sense.

When I said “The mum replied to say she knew that, but was used to replying “they” instead of the correct pronoun.”

I meant she was trying to say she is used to replying to invites for both kids, but had meant to say “she/he”

OP posts:
GingerIsBest · 03/08/2023 11:44

ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 11:38

Just to update you all - I did reply and just basically said the invite was for the named child only, hope they could make it.

The mum replied to say she knew that, but was used to replying “they” instead of the correct pronoun. And then that named child couldn’t come because she had no one to look after the sibling.

well, if you're going to try to guilt trip someone, you should dat least keep your story straight. She used both names in original message, she ALWAYS knew. And now she wants you to feel bad. hahaha.

Depending on age, offer to let her drop the first kid and you'll keep an eye out otherwise I guess it s a "sorry to hear that. Thanks for letting me know." with a virtual MN cheery smile.

Original poster
ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 11:44

Lol @JenniferBarkley!

Yeah, kind of came across as chancing it and hoping I would be too polite to say anything. Then having to back track.

OP posts:
Nellynoowhoareyou · 03/08/2023 11:47

@Hoppinggreen maybe the party is at home, or they’re going somewhere and paying per child? Siblings would multiply the total number of children (and party bags, mouths to feed, etc) by 2-3x surely. We had my son’s last bday at home and I had to keep getting him to cut the invitees down as it was.

Nellynoowhoareyou · 03/08/2023 11:49

Oh sorry that ^ was for @SunnyCornishCove i think!

Hoppinggreen · 03/08/2023 11:49

Nellynoowhoareyou · 03/08/2023 11:47

@Hoppinggreen maybe the party is at home, or they’re going somewhere and paying per child? Siblings would multiply the total number of children (and party bags, mouths to feed, etc) by 2-3x surely. We had my son’s last bday at home and I had to keep getting him to cut the invitees down as it was.

Why have you tagged me here?

Original poster
ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 11:49

@GingerIsBest Ha ha! Yep, my thoughts exactly. Don’t try to guilt trip me and then mess your story up. The invited child is pre-school so I’m not overly comfortable with drop & go. So looks like they won’t be coming!

OP posts:
Nellynoowhoareyou · 03/08/2023 11:50

OP I thought you said she replied specifically using each of their names as well as ‘they’? This is no longer making an awful lot of sense..

IncompleteSenten · 03/08/2023 11:54

Nellynoowhoareyou · 03/08/2023 11:50

OP I thought you said she replied specifically using each of their names as well as ‘they’? This is no longer making an awful lot of sense..

The other mother tried to backpeddle. Probably didn't remember she'd mentioned both children by name.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 03/08/2023 11:56

It makes perfect sense to me. The CF mum wrote both children's names and chanced it then backed down when op replied. It's a shame for the invited child but so be it

Medusaismyhero · 03/08/2023 11:57

SunnyCornishCove · 03/08/2023 10:00

Missing the point, but why would the sibling not be invited? What difference does it make?

I'm one of 12 siblings - do you think we should all have rocked up to every party one of us was invited to as kids? Imagine the carnage!

And I agree with the PP who said noggin isn't rude, it's cute!

Original poster
ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 11:57

@Nellynoowhoareyou She did. I was trying to not be too specific! But confused things by mentioning pronouns 😆

She used both the children’s names and then said “they”. When I replied to her, she then said she had meant to say “she” (named child) not “they”, but then totally changed the story. In the original message, mum had said “they” could come. But now saying invited child can’t come because she has no one to have uninvited child.

phew… hope that makes more sense.

OP posts:
QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 11:57

Most parties round here have been at village halls so a very open "More the merrier" attitude. Infact it's encouraged as parties wouldn't get a good turnout otherwise. The siblings bump the numbers and none would have showed otherwise as the parent couldn't get childcare for the non invited.

The ones that are limited numbers are different of course.

GingerIsBest · 03/08/2023 11:58

@Nellynoowhoareyou exactly. Because the CF mum was taking the piss and has changed tactics.

I loved my mother and she had a LOT of positive qualities but she had a habit of telling white lies to get out of things,,... but often forgot which white lies she'd told or the original issue or whatever and it was infuriating.

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 12:00

sendismylife · 03/08/2023 09:46

“I am sorry for the misunderstanding. The invitation was for the named child only.”

Perfect.

Don’t tie yourself up in knots trying to be over polite, op.
A factual statement is fine.

MavisChunch29 · 03/08/2023 12:01

QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 11:57

Most parties round here have been at village halls so a very open "More the merrier" attitude. Infact it's encouraged as parties wouldn't get a good turnout otherwise. The siblings bump the numbers and none would have showed otherwise as the parent couldn't get childcare for the non invited.

The ones that are limited numbers are different of course.

Doesn't matter whether it's a village hall, someone's house or soft play, you should always ask and never assume.

GingerIsBest · 03/08/2023 12:01

Okay, I'm way too invested here, but I just realised something else. Supposedly she meant to only reply for invited child. and she replied yes. And now, although according to her nothing has changed - it was always just invited child - they can't come.

This woman is most likely really dumb.

She might also have a wanker of a partner and so she does sneaky things to try make her life easier, but sadly, that's not an excuse.

declutteringmymind · 03/08/2023 12:01

Well done. Looks like a win. Sets the tone for the future too.

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 12:02

ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 11:57

@Nellynoowhoareyou She did. I was trying to not be too specific! But confused things by mentioning pronouns 😆

She used both the children’s names and then said “they”. When I replied to her, she then said she had meant to say “she” (named child) not “they”, but then totally changed the story. In the original message, mum had said “they” could come. But now saying invited child can’t come because she has no one to have uninvited child.

phew… hope that makes more sense.

Why can’t she drop and run? Was she specifically required to stay?

Original poster
ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 12:07

@GingerIsBest Yes, exactly. Said she knew it was always just for the named child and originally said yes. Then said couldn’t come.

OP posts:
AnneAnon · 03/08/2023 12:07

Ohh I had this! A dad tried to drop his two kids off at my daughters party instead of the one invited one. Yeah no mate, you’re not getting a child free morning at my expense.

Original poster
ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 12:07

@Hannahsbananas The invited child is a preschooler and I don’t know them very well so not comfortable suggesting drop & go.

OP posts:
Cardshark · 03/08/2023 12:08

The invited child is pre-school so I’m not overly comfortable with drop & go. So looks like they won’t be coming!

Hmm, if you're actually expecting parents to stay I do think you need to be more flexible re siblings attending.

For example, our school parties mostly take place at a local play venue. The local custom is that parents are welcome to bring siblings if the parent is staying at party, but they pay for entry and food for the siblings themselves. Otherwise childcare is an issue for lots of people.

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 12:09

ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 12:07

@Hannahsbananas The invited child is a preschooler and I don’t know them very well so not comfortable suggesting drop & go.

Ah, that’s fair enough.

Cardshark · 03/08/2023 12:11

But agree she should have asked. Although people more used to the setup I've described above may not think to...