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Original poster

How to politely inform parent that sibling is not invited?

251 replies

ConstantlyConfusedMama · 03/08/2023 09:44

Hi everyone,

Possibly a bit of a contentious topic, but here goes…

We sent out invites for our youngest’s birthday party and on the invites we wrote each child’s name.

One of the parents replied to me quoting both of their children’s names and saying “they” had received the invitation and “they” would love to come to the party.
I found it a bit rude as it wasn’t even like they asked whether they could bring the other child. Also, I am aware that the other child is disruptive and honestly, I just don’t want them spoiling my child’s party.

So, I now have to think of a polite (but assertive) way to reply stating that the sibling is not invited - any idea how to word it?!

OP posts:
PinkIcedCream · 03/08/2023 12:57

QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 12:51

@MavisChunch29 Absolutely they should ask, I never said otherwise. Just saying parties with siblings are the norm in some places.
When I think of all the parties I've been to, the party would have felt very small without siblings.. think 5-6 kids and the entertainment would have been wasted etc. People can't come if they can't bring all the kids and it's a parent needs to stay situation.

Entertaining 5-6 pre-schoolers is the PERFECT number for a party surely?

Older siblings racing around changes the dynamic and often stops it being fun for the younger kids although some parents clearly don’t care about this aspect.

Meeting · 03/08/2023 12:57

I wonder how many times she's got away with this already in the past?

Seaweed42 · 03/08/2023 13:00

I don't get it. She had to send both kids to the party, as she'd nobody to mind the sibling.
But who will mind them if they both don't go to the party??
Daft.

Cardshark · 03/08/2023 13:01

Having childcare problems because your youngest has been invited to an event is hardly the OP’s problem, is it?

No, it's not. But some people have an easier time of juggling things than others, for lots of reasons. Because people realise this, siblings do attend at lots of parties if a parent is staying on too...it's not some unheard of thing. But yes, of course the parent should have asked first.

It's quite possible too that some parents will arrive at OP's party with babies in tow.

Cardshark · 03/08/2023 13:03

Seaweed42 · 03/08/2023 13:00

I don't get it. She had to send both kids to the party, as she'd nobody to mind the sibling.
But who will mind them if they both don't go to the party??
Daft.

She will?
She can't supervise one at a party and simultaneously mind the other at home, that's the issue.

JenWillsiam · 03/08/2023 13:04

Moraldilemma84 · 03/08/2023 12:49

Well done for standing your ground.

We have one of these in my dd’s class.
4 kids under 6 and she brings all of them, they run riot while she ignores them. Then she plonks all 4 at the food table, loads their plates up and expects a party bag for all of them. Have even witnessed her stashing food in the pram.
Her kids don’t get invited to parties anymore.

The fact that none of you spoke up and opted to exclude her blameless kids is pretty awful frankly.

UnicornStarfish · 03/08/2023 13:06

OP, sorry for the question but I've been to parties for pre-schoolers where parents don't stay, it depends on the venue, hence the question. I don't assume anything anymore!
Either way this other mother is a CF, without a shadow of a doubt! She's not a 10 though. A 10 would be her dropping off one kid and not wanting to take care of the other one in the meantime. She's somewhere between a 7 and an 8...! I wouldn't call her a c*nt but she was cheeky! Reason's well on your side from where I'm standing.

Figgygal · 03/08/2023 13:08

I didnt read it at all that they intended to bring more than the invited child tbh
For you to suggest theyve only replied they understood that bevause theyve been caught out and theyre a cf isn't making you look great tbh

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 13:08

PinkIcedCream · 03/08/2023 12:57

Entertaining 5-6 pre-schoolers is the PERFECT number for a party surely?

Older siblings racing around changes the dynamic and often stops it being fun for the younger kids although some parents clearly don’t care about this aspect.

Show quote history

Well, exactly. I don’t know why it’s assumed that kids of this age would choose rent-a-crowd at their party in preference to 5 or 6 of their actual friends?

QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 13:08

Seaweed42 · 03/08/2023 13:00

I don't get it. She had to send both kids to the party, as she'd nobody to mind the sibling.
But who will mind them if they both don't go to the party??
Daft.

She will? 🤣

Screamingabdabz · 03/08/2023 13:10

JenWillsiam · 03/08/2023 13:04

The fact that none of you spoke up and opted to exclude her blameless kids is pretty awful frankly.

Show quote history

Oh give over. How are other adults supposed to ‘speak up’ about manners and parenting and grabby behaviour to a grown woman? Especially one who lacks any self awareness in the first place.

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 13:10

JenWillsiam · 03/08/2023 13:04

The fact that none of you spoke up and opted to exclude her blameless kids is pretty awful frankly.

Show quote history

Only one of her blameless kids was invited. There’s a world of difference between uninvited and excluded.

QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 13:10

PinkIcedCream · 03/08/2023 12:54

Having childcare problems because your youngest has been invited to an event is hardly the OP’s problem, is it?

You either find childcare (find another parent and offer a swapsie) or tell the organiser that little Billy can’t attend. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Expecting others to step in and save the day is the height of Cheeky Fuckery, IMO.

It's not but then expect lower numbers.
But yeah should always ask.

SerendipityJane · 03/08/2023 13:12

Not RTFT but I bet the parent turns up with sibling anyway. OP needs to have a strategy for that. Especially as the other parent will have their own strategy for wheedling around any reasons why it isn't possible.

You'd almost think it had happened to me.

QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 13:12

@PinkIcedCream I'm talking about when they're younger and don't have firm friendships and invite whole classes, they seem to enjoy running round with a rabble of kids.
Not hosted one myself but this is just observations of all the ones I've been to.
Once they get to 7/8 they tend to have smaller parties

UnicornStarfish · 03/08/2023 13:15

QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 13:08

She will? 🤣

Show quote history

It's obvious @Seaweed42 assumed the mother would drop off the child and then come back later to collect said child (threfore being free to take care of the other kid).
It wasn't obvious (well, to me it wasn't) parents have to stay and supervise. I've been to several last month too many really and I never stay to supervise, so it's not such a weird comment.

JenWillsiam · 03/08/2023 13:23

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 13:10

Only one of her blameless kids was invited. There’s a world of difference between uninvited and excluded.

Show quote history

The kids aren’t invited to parties because of the mother. That’s excluding blameless kids. Not just kid.

TheaBrandt · 03/08/2023 13:24

This is when it would be easier to be German. My mil is and sounds quite rude sometimes but in this situation she would immediately say “your younger child is not invited” and would not hand wring or feel the slightest bit bad about it! It’s quite refreshing.

JenWillsiam · 03/08/2023 13:24

Screamingabdabz · 03/08/2023 13:10

Oh give over. How are other adults supposed to ‘speak up’ about manners and parenting and grabby behaviour to a grown woman? Especially one who lacks any self awareness in the first place.

Show quote history

“Hi. Just to let you know the party doesn’t include siblings, sorry if that’s a problem but happy for you to drop and go”. There. Easy.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 03/08/2023 13:25

Seaweed42 · 03/08/2023 13:00

I don't get it. She had to send both kids to the party, as she'd nobody to mind the sibling.
But who will mind them if they both don't go to the party??
Daft.

presumably she would but she can’t mind them both if they are in different locations (one at party and one not) given that she is expected to stay at the party.

SerendipityJane · 03/08/2023 13:27

JenWillsiam · 03/08/2023 13:24

“Hi. Just to let you know the party doesn’t include siblings, sorry if that’s a problem but happy for you to drop and go”. There. Easy.

Show quote history

You need a plan for when the other parent "doesn't get" the message and the two children get dropped off without the OPs noticing.

JenWillsiam · 03/08/2023 13:29

SerendipityJane · 03/08/2023 13:27

You need a plan for when the other parent "doesn't get" the message and the two children get dropped off without the OPs noticing.

Show quote history

i have never had kids dropped off at a party without me noticing. If I’m supervising the kids I’m doing just that.

Lucy377 · 03/08/2023 13:30

Ah I get it. The parents have to stay.

She could have politely asked if X could come too as she'd no other way to do it. If she was there she could have managed the tricky kid.

QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 13:35

@UnicornStarfish Her post wasn't obvious at all to a few of us.

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 13:35

QueefQueen80s · 03/08/2023 13:12

@PinkIcedCream I'm talking about when they're younger and don't have firm friendships and invite whole classes, they seem to enjoy running round with a rabble of kids.
Not hosted one myself but this is just observations of all the ones I've been to.
Once they get to 7/8 they tend to have smaller parties

Kids in their class. Not random, never met before kids, if they vastly outnumber the kids they actually know?
Knowing only 5 or 6 kids out of a total of 30+ at your party is weird.