How to politely inform parent that sibling is not invited?

[ConstantlyConfusedMama]

Hi everyone,

Possibly a bit of a contentious topic, but here goes…

We sent out invites for our youngest’s birthday party and on the invites we wrote each child’s name.

One of the parents replied to me quoting both of their children’s names and saying “they” had received the invitation and “they” would love to come to the party.
I found it a bit rude as it wasn’t even like they asked whether they could bring the other child. Also, I am aware that the other child is disruptive and honestly, I just don’t want them spoiling my child’s party.

So, I now have to think of a polite (but assertive) way to reply stating that the sibling is not invited - any idea how to word it?!

She’s a CF. Don’t suggest her dropping and going, she’ll be that parent that turns up early to drop off and late for pick up!

It's very clear that she got called out on her CF-ery, so is now backtracking. Agree that your only response now should be, that's a pity thanks for letting me know.

I knew someone like this, well I still know her but she’s a fucking dick so I don’t speak to her.
If anyone invited one of her kids to a party, she would turn up with all of them.
To every single party. They’d all stand there at the end waiting for their party bags too and there wasn’t always enough so kids who HAD been invited didn’t always get one. People soon got wise to it though.

I thought you were NBU, until I realised the parent has to stay, now I think you're the one expecting too much, I wouldn't get childcare to sit at a random kids birthday party with one of mine either.

When did it become a thing to expect siblings to be invited? Was it at the same time that "whole class" invites became the norm?
My kids had parties years ago but no parents attempted to bring extra siblings.
Same with my birthday parties (jelly n ice cream and pass the parcel at home.) Nobody ever turned up uninvited!!

Surely everyone understands the concept of an invitation being for the person named on the invite only?
”Assuming” that it works differently in different situations is a bit silly.

Really? In my kids class of 30 there are 4 only children. The rest have at least 1 sibling each. Some 2. You can’t see the issue with a free for all?

Haha, she's a massive fibber as well as a CF then!

(When I was a kid, pretty much all birthday parties were drop-and-run and nobody would have brought an uninvited sibling along in a million years! When did it all become so complicated?)

I have DC this age. It's not expected that siblings are invited, but with soft play type places you can just book them in PAYG if needed. At church hall type parties they're typically welcomed, but with a polite request (I've had to do this a few times when DH has been working and people have been kind).

We did soft play for DC's party and invited the siblings that we actually know, I would have thought it a bit CF for someone to just assume.

Well done op. Boundaries. I love ‘em. They keep CFery at bay.

This message is perfect

Yes, I had a number of women over the years ask if they could bring (and pay for) a younger/older sibling as they didn't have childcare (when the invited child was too young for drop and go).

I was never wild about that, but would usually say yes even though I felt I had to then at least organise a party bag for them. It was also clear, pretty early on, that the women who had to ask this where, in most cases, either single mums or they had a completely useless DP who was never willing to step up and do his share of the weekend childcare so I felt sorry for them.

But this is NOT what happened with CF mum.

When my eldest was invited to parties at busy soft play centres I used to just pay her younger sibling in. But loads of people complained that others didn’t pay for siblings so party parents got landed with the bill, which is 🤯 to me. Latterly they had a staff member at the door ticking off the invited kids.

If you haven't already replied to her last message I'd just reply with "no problem, thanks for letting me know".

and leave it at that.

Because your child wants a party for them and their FRIENDS, not them and their friends and their friends random siblings who they don't know and may be several years older/younger?

I think we can all spot the CF who interprets "Jack is invited to Max's party" as a free for all to bring Jack and his sibling.

She doesn't have anyone to mind the uninvited child? What about her? Or was she supposed to supervise the child who got invited at your party?

It's perfectly reasonable to say no siblings. If the parents can't sort out childcare for siblings, then the other child will have to forgo the invite. Not the OP's problem even if it's not a drop and go affair.

It is only an issue for a year or two and then the kids can be left.

Why is the uninvited child the OP's problem.

I wonder where the dad is. These threads always attract a disproportionate number of people whose partners aren't available at weekends. I know some are genuinely working but how many bugger off to play golf or do [hobby] (ie go for a bike ride).

Sorry OP, could you clarify whether you expect parents to stay on and supervise their children at your party or do they drop off the kids and collect them at a given time? I ask because I've seen both type of parties here and I'm just trying to figure where on the CF spectrum I place this mother!

Well done for standing your ground.

We have one of these in my dd’s class.
4 kids under 6 and she brings all of them, they run riot while she ignores them. Then she plonks all 4 at the food table, loads their plates up and expects a party bag for all of them. Have even witnessed her stashing food in the pram.
Her kids don’t get invited to parties anymore.

@MavisChunch29 Absolutely they should ask, I never said otherwise. Just saying parties with siblings are the norm in some places.
When I think of all the parties I've been to, the party would have felt very small without siblings.. think 5-6 kids and the entertainment would have been wasted etc. People can't come if they can't bring all the kids and it's a parent needs to stay situation.

Well clearly they don't or the OP wouldn't have this problem...
I thought the OP was being very reasonable until I realised there wasn't a drop and go option for the party. A parent has to stay. I do think it would be nice to show a little flexibility re siblings if OP is expecting this.

@UnicornStarfish My child whose party it is, is pre-school, as are her friends. So I would expect at that age, that a parent/adult would stay to supervise. I understand that causes childcare issues, I am in the same boat with parties for my children and have to juggle.

Having childcare problems because your youngest has been invited to an event is hardly the OP’s problem, is it?

You either find childcare (find another parent and offer a swapsie) or tell the organiser that little Billy can’t attend. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Expecting others to step in and save the day is the height of Cheeky Fuckery, IMO.

So you could potentially accommodate double the number of children invited to the party?