MIL refusing to go to DS's graduation

[MonkeyMonkeyUnderpants1]

My DH has just finished a MSc at a prestigious uni and got the top grade. He did this alongside his senior civil service job so he's worked incredibly hard. I'm super proud of him and I know he's really pleased with himself.

MIL was visiting this weekend and I bought up his graduation and asked if she would like to go. She burst out laughing and said "god no, why would I go to something so boring?" DH turned to me and said "told you". This is DH's 3rd degree and his DB also has a degree. She didn't go to one graduation so neither have her sons as they didn't want to go alone.

My DH laughed it off but I feel sad for him. Parents should celebrate their kid's achievements no matter what age. I have lovely memories of my graduations. My parents and grandparents came, we had a wonderful meal.

I will obviously make his graduation really special but AIBU that this is not normal behaviour from a parent?

That is so removed from what my parents and dh's parents would have done. I suppose some people just place no value on their children's achievements.

she sounds odd

I’ve just finished a MSc with distinction alongside a demanding high powered job too. I’ve absolutely zero interest in attending a graduation ceremony, never mind demanding my parents attend as well! As a well established, self sufficient woman in my 40s I don’t need them to applaud my achievements.

We’ll celebrate ourselves.

No, it isn't normal but there is nothing you can do about it, and at least this time you can go and watch your DH graduate.

In fairness to your MIL, people do place different value on these things. I went to my undergraduate graduation but didn't bother to attend my master's one as it just wasn't that important to me. Maybe your MIL doesn't realise how important it is to your DH? She should make the effort to attend if he wants her there, imo, but has he actually let on that it bothers him?

Not normal. I wouldn’t be inviting her anywhere ever again.

That was exactly how I felt. I was proud of what I had achieved but the ceremony just didn't matter to me.

They are boring.

i did go to my kid’s graduation, but they are boring. I spent long periods of time avoiding my ExH while my DD chatted to friends and caught up with people.

I didn't go to my own.

You can be proud without attending.

My god I would be so there for any of my kids achievements. Or even a meal!
I am at the stage where my YA kids don't want to know me and are too busy dating!

If it meant something to them why didn’t dh and his brother go alone to their previous graduations or with a friend/other relation? Mil hasn’t just decided she doesn’t want to go, she’s never wanted to go.

Well , I’d go to my sons if asked , but I don’t agree with your statement that parents ‘should’ celebrate their kids achievements no matter what age . There is no should about it , they don’t have to attend a function to be proud .

Oh I completely agree that they're boring! At least you were okay to be bored for a short time.

My Dp's are exactly like this. I had to force DM to attend my HS graduation so I could go myself as I couldn't get there otherwise. She told her friend loudly on the phone she 'wanted to go like she wanted a hole in the head'. DF didn't even acknowledge it. They're just selfish people. They don't turn up to the DC things either. They went to my cousin's DC grads & events because that made them feel special to be invited. And DN's 3 hours drive away to compete with their other grandparents for affection.

As much as I disliked my IL's, they always turned up for the DC. I was always amazed how they put in so much effort. DM used to complain the DC preferred them! I did tell her once, 'well, they turn up.'

You reap what you sow, though. DM was whining recently how her friend's DC's take them on holidays overseas & buy things for them etc. Doesn't get DB & I aren't interested because of how little interest they had in us growing up.

In contrast, I show up for my DC every time and always look excited - even though it is usually boring!!

I mean taking DS to football practice in the cold was boring, but I still did it.

What a weird woman. Well done to your DH

DH is quite shy and didn't make many friends at uni so wouldn't have wanted to go alone. His DF wouldn't have gone as he had second family and very young baby.

DH and I attended our children's graduations. It didn't occur to me to invite their grandparents. Each occasion would have involved a 200 or 400 mile round trip for them and an hotel stay so.probably £200 to £300 outlay. They have framed photos, proudly displayed.

They are rites of passage and are incredibly boring.

I should have known what her reaction would have been. On our wedding day, she told us she was thinking about not coming as she didn't think she would enjoy it!

Leave her to her misery then! Just stop inviting her.

That’s so sad OP. Graduations definitively aren’t my thing, and I chose not to go to my own, but I absolutely went to those of my DC and hope to still be around for my DGC too!

Some parents are jealous of their DC's achievements, so wouldn't want to celebrate them.

This is his third degree. Once you’ve been to one, you’ve been to them all and they’re not exactly good fun.

This is DH's 3rd degree and his DB also has a degree. She didn't go to one graduation so neither have her sons as they didn't want to go alone.

Why didn't they go to each other's, if it was important to them?

DH and his bro are far from close!

And then these people become surprised when their children never visit them in the nursing home. That’s pretty boring too.