MIL refusing to go to DS's graduation

[MonkeyMonkeyUnderpants1]

My DH has just finished a MSc at a prestigious uni and got the top grade. He did this alongside his senior civil service job so he's worked incredibly hard. I'm super proud of him and I know he's really pleased with himself.

MIL was visiting this weekend and I bought up his graduation and asked if she would like to go. She burst out laughing and said "god no, why would I go to something so boring?" DH turned to me and said "told you". This is DH's 3rd degree and his DB also has a degree. She didn't go to one graduation so neither have her sons as they didn't want to go alone.

My DH laughed it off but I feel sad for him. Parents should celebrate their kid's achievements no matter what age. I have lovely memories of my graduations. My parents and grandparents came, we had a wonderful meal.

I will obviously make his graduation really special but AIBU that this is not normal behaviour from a parent?

Well I didn't go to mine 50 years ago, didn't see the point in looking like a prize pratt, to shake hands with a bloke who wouldn't have a clue who I was. I had to sit through the excruciating boredom of school speech days, enough was enough. Now everybody (almost) has degrees the ceremony is worthless, a bit like most of the degrees

Doesn't make it any less of an achievement that deserves recognition / celebration.

If it was a “regular” graduation I’d see your point, but honestly in this situation…I get it.

I graduated as an adult and didn't even go to my own ceremony for the exact reason that it would be boring.

We went to DS's degree (masters), but he even didn't want to go his PhD.

Who on earth would go to a third degree??? That's like ground hog day. Actually who on earth would waste their time doing 3 different degrees. Degrees are for kids who know nothing. There again, although I have an MBA, I have advised people who have worked under me, not to do one.

They're not the most interesting of events, apart from the 30 seconds or so when the person you're there to see gets their degree. I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to see their DC getting their degree if they're asked to go though - and being mature enough to put aside their views on degree ceremonies.

That's sad.

I only did an HND as a mature student & my parents were bursting with pride.

When she’s old and frail and needs your help, tell her you’re not sure you’ll enjoy it!

It's often very limited how many people you can invite anyway, I could only take two people which was a bit awkward...

Everyone saying that they didn’t attend their own graduation, because they had no desire to, if your child graduated and it was important to them that you attend, not even important….let’s just say they thought it would be nice, would you still opt out?

But OP's DH didn't go to his two previous graduations as his parents refused to go. This ceremony will be the first that he has attended as OP will go with him.

It sounds as though his mum has never been there for him. Luckily OP loves and cares about him, even though his mother doesn't seem to.

Really? Just because she didn’t attend a graduation ceremony which no one thought she would want to attend in the first place?

How can you say she is “refusing”? It is not compulsory. She just doesn’t want to go. Op is making a meal of it and influencing her DH to do the same. Live and let live.

Another one who didn’t go to graduation for higher degree. Especially not for a masters - maybe a phd would be different. A masters is like the half marathon of the academic world, interesting (a little bit) to other runners but to get the chops you have to go the full distance

Well, I never went to either of my graduations for almost the same reason. "why would I go to something so boring, not least as not only am I not going to be paid to be there it would actually cost over £100 to attend something that I really really really don't want to go to?"

With hindsight maybe I was a bit mean to my mum who would have loved to have attended (but honestly, I was a selfish 20 year old child when I got my results, barely crossed my mind that it might be nice for my mum, let alone that I should make a massive sacrifice for her benefit by attending something I REALLY did not want to go to).

I think you DH is a bit of a sad case if he cares about his mother's approval, as an adult, for his third degree.

If DH and DH's DB wanted to go with their mum when they received their first degrees and she point blank refused then that is pretty damn mean of her.

I hope that I bring mine up better than to think that a boring costly impersonal ceremony has any meaning or value... but I can also say if ours wanted to go and wanted us there, then we would probably, almost certainly, go.

My otherwise fully engaged mum didn´t come to mine, she went to England with her boyfriend. She did ask me but I saw she wanted the answer to be no, she didn´t need to go. So my 19 year old brother came with me. If he hadn´t been available, my aunt would have flown over from England, she was disgusted with her sister. We both enjoyed ourselves and my bro took great photos. Thanks, brother!

100%

My DD has just completed her Masters at LSE and the graduation is Dec 16 (not the best time!) Myself, her dad and 2 brothers are all flying in from Ireland to attend and we have dinner booked for about 10 people afterwards.
I just couldn't fathom not being there unless she definitely didn't want us to attend!

She sounds ignorant. Probably a bit jealous too.

Didn’t she attend any of their school plays either, sports matches etc? You know, stuff parents might not want to go to but hopefully not all parents are selfish twats and give their children a bit of support.

I’d have been disappointed if my parents dismissed my hard work and my achievements so readily. But I have a good relationship with them, they’re proud of me, as I am of my DC. My DC know I’ve got their back come hell or high water.

Some parents aren’t great.

Oh how superior you are. So much better than people who like a bit of a ceremony to mark a rite of passage.

I didn’t go to mine, as I had no interest, I agree that they are boring. But if my children wanted to go to their graduation, because they valued it, my first thought wouldn’t be that the importance they placed on it was due to some fundamental flaw in the way I raised them.

I found their high school graduation tedious. I went, of course.

No, it’s quite odd. You would think she would be his biggest supporter, but some people are just awful.

I hope your DH is very proud of his achievement and enjoys his graduation ceremony.

My eldest will be finishing her OU degree in 2 years and damn right i want to be there to see her graduate. Yes they are boring, but my god she has worked hard on it while working full time.