MIL refusing to go to DS's graduation

[MonkeyMonkeyUnderpants1]

My DH has just finished a MSc at a prestigious uni and got the top grade. He did this alongside his senior civil service job so he's worked incredibly hard. I'm super proud of him and I know he's really pleased with himself.

MIL was visiting this weekend and I bought up his graduation and asked if she would like to go. She burst out laughing and said "god no, why would I go to something so boring?" DH turned to me and said "told you". This is DH's 3rd degree and his DB also has a degree. She didn't go to one graduation so neither have her sons as they didn't want to go alone.

My DH laughed it off but I feel sad for him. Parents should celebrate their kid's achievements no matter what age. I have lovely memories of my graduations. My parents and grandparents came, we had a wonderful meal.

I will obviously make his graduation really special but AIBU that this is not normal behaviour from a parent?

A parent should go if their child (regardless of age) would like them there. If either of mine ever wanted me at something important to them then I’d be there.

I graduated with a first class honours aged 36, and invited my mother to the graduation ceremony (held at the Albert Hall). She laughed out loud. So I took my two best friends instead.

Ha! My graduation had 500 students so I think we were all thinking it may never end! My DF was dragging us round desperate for a glass of champagne to celebrate it being over! It's a funny memory especially now my DF is no longer here.

My mother told me at 18 that I wasn’t clever enough for uni and if I went they would not support me in any way.
when I got my degree at 35 years old I invited my parents, my mum did come but my dad declined on the basis that someone needed to look after the dog. Mum on the day (tbf unintentionally) made a joke about being the second biggest female at the table (she was about 9 stone I was around 11 stone) it was obvious I was the biggest as my sister and DDs were all tiny (in age and weight)
Not all parents value education unfortunately

I always went to my DC x3's graduations, and they came to mine as an adult graduating with the Open University.
I did not go to university at 18, so was very proud of myself for studying for a degree and holding a job at the same time, plus having 3 DC to look after, and I was very proud of them, being the first in my family to have a degree.
Frankly, I did NOT find any of them boring at all.
All DC x3 had extra events as well as the ceremony, such as a buffet lunch with the department etc. Or a dinner the night before. Etc
It was a marvellous occasion for all of them and a moment to be celebrated.
I DO find it strange for parents not to go, unless they were on pre booked hols etc.
Just as my DH and I always turned up to their school productions all through school (and even nursery).

It's his 3rd degree. He is an adult. He does not need his mum at his graduation. If you feel he should have someone there, you should go.

My DH has 4 degrees. He only went to the first graduation. Once you have done it once, there really is no need to go again. It doesn't negate the qualification.

Same, graduated from 2 universities. I had no interest in the ceremonies. My cousin forced me to attend the last one. It was boring as hell and I wished I never went to it!

I dunno, I think this MIL is expressing herself very bluntly and rudely, but I can't get that annoyed about her actual not wanting to come.
I would've been happy to go to my graduation alone (I've only had one, bachelor degree when I was about 22), and I certainly would now I'm fifty-ish.
My parents did come to mine, but my mum isn't academically inclined or clued up at all and that sort of 'achievement' doesn't mean anything to her, so I know she only came because she thought she should. I don't not appreciate it, IYSWIM, but I wouldn't have been hurt or anything if she didn't come.

I will be there. DH didn't go to the first two because no one was interested in going with him! This will be the first time he has someone to cheer him on.

Oh that’s so sad for your DH. I wasn’t sure about attending my Masters graduation but my parents insisted, flew to Scotland to attend it and we had a lovely weekend. I’m really glad I went it was a nice way to mark my achievement. My sister also attended and afterwards confided that she regretted not attending her undergraduate graduation after attending my Masters one

OP’s DH hasn’t been to any, and neither has his mother, so this is a bit of an irrelevant point.

I think not going to any of them is mean-spirited. My parents went to my first one for my BA. I think all my friends' parents were there. I think that one was as much a celebration for them as it was for us as they had supported us through our first years as adults, living away from home, finding out what career path we wanted. My parents never came to any of my subsequent graduations (and I didn't go to most of them either). Later on, study is much more independent and support is from partners and friends.

For various reasons we didn't go to DS's graduation. I felt awful about it, but when I was talking to DS about it, he said, to be honest I will probably be spending time with my mates, but if you want to send money for a descent meal afterwards with everyone, that would be good.
DH didn't attend either of his.

Was it a big deal for your son if grandma attended? My three adult children will all agree Graduation day was boring ! They are proud of their accomplishments as we are but the ceremony in mind numbing …their words! My daughter didn’t attend her MA ceremony. She just wanted to get on with her job.

All those of you on here who are far to cool to go to your own graduations, as though it’s wrong to be excited or pleased with yourself, have missed the point entirely. OP’s DH hasn’t been to his previous graduations because he had nobody to be there for him (I’d have still gone, but that was his decision). He does want to go this time and he’d have liked his mum to go too. She laughed at him. It’s horrible and your condescension towards people who want to attend is misplaced (and as bad as the mother’s attitude in many ways).

It’s his mother not his GM.

I wouldn’t expect anyone to attend a graduation ceremony by that point. I didn’t want to go to mine at all as they are inherently super boring. I think this on its own is fine, but your follow ups show that it’s just one example of a pretty uninvolved parent so I’m not sure why you are surprised.

Sounds like my mother @MonkeyMonkeyUnderpants1 who we now refer to as the dementor as she sucks the joy out of any achievement that doesn’t have a focus on her. My MiL on the other hand is the total opposite and has always been very supportive of anyone’s attempts to do anything from growing sunflowers to gaining a PhD. The dementor now wonders why all the grandchildren seem to prefer to spend time with MiL than with her. Some people just cant stop themselves from being negative

Exactly this. I graduated with my MSc a couple of years ago. DH came, and so did my kids. He told them it was payback for all the dancing displays and nativity shows.

I wouldn't particularly want to go either if it's his third degree and he's clearly older than first time graduates. She can congratulate him and perhaps celebrate in other ways. I was only allowed one guest (DH came) at my graduation so my parents couldn't go anyway.

my mum died before my masters graduation, but there is no way she would have come. I nearly didn’t go myself, but I was so glad I did. I was so so proud of my achievement, but my mum, probably from jealousy, couldn’t understand at all. She didn’t go to hers either.

I do think that's sad,but we go to the opening of an envelope if it's to do with our family.

My brother,who we affectionately call Ebenezer,has never missed a single piano recital of my son's.He hates traffic,crowds,not hugely patient with other people's kids but will sit through 2hours of agony to watch DS perform for his 3 minutes and never,ever complains and makes such a fuss of him :) His natural resting bitch face comes back once he's finished applauding 😅

Inherently boring? I disagree. I wasn’t bored at my sisters (I was in prime bored-by-everything zone as she’s older than me - I was 16). I wasn’t bored at my own. I wasn’t bored at my daughter’s. The tradition and ceremony is pretty interesting, plus I’m excited to support people I care about.

Of course it is relevant. If his mum didn't attend the first time, she is highly unlikely to attend now that he is accumulating degree. It doesn't mean she isn't proud of his achievements, but a graduation ceremony is only a formality.

There was absolutely nothing to stop him going on his own. It was his choice to not go, unless he had a personal audience.

I think it's really sad for your DH if his own mother has never wanted to go to any of his graduations, or even be proud of his achievements. For her to laugh at him inviting her is awful.

I simply can't imagine being like that about my son. I come from a family where for several generations of us all have degrees, quite a few have masters and several have PhDs, so there have been lots of graduations. But all of the graduates always had their parents and often grandparents at their ceremonies, no one is dismissive or thinks it's nothing to bother about.

My son did a BA, followed by an MA, followed ten years later by an MBA which he did while working full time at a very demanding job and that one was gruelling. He got a First and Distinctions and I was incredibly proud. He had a girlfriend at the first two who was his wife by the third one, but he still wanted his mum to be at his graduations too, and I was honoured to go.