MIL refusing to go to DS's graduation

[MonkeyMonkeyUnderpants1]

My DH has just finished a MSc at a prestigious uni and got the top grade. He did this alongside his senior civil service job so he's worked incredibly hard. I'm super proud of him and I know he's really pleased with himself.

MIL was visiting this weekend and I bought up his graduation and asked if she would like to go. She burst out laughing and said "god no, why would I go to something so boring?" DH turned to me and said "told you". This is DH's 3rd degree and his DB also has a degree. She didn't go to one graduation so neither have her sons as they didn't want to go alone.

My DH laughed it off but I feel sad for him. Parents should celebrate their kid's achievements no matter what age. I have lovely memories of my graduations. My parents and grandparents came, we had a wonderful meal.

I will obviously make his graduation really special but AIBU that this is not normal behaviour from a parent?

To be fair, I went to neither of my own BSc or MSc graduation ceremonies. I just had no interest in them. Not everyone places so much importance on it. I can see how if DH has several degrees already it might seem a bit pointless.

@Somersetbaker i guess if you take that approach, even more people finish high school than those who have degrees. Would you attend your child’s high school graduation?

My DD is also graduating from LSE and my mum is travelling many hours to be there, as is my DS. Going to have a big family dinner and celebration!

My parents came for everything I did as a child, and as an adult.

Wild horses wouldn’t keep me away from any of my family graduating!

Of course parents should go. Big life events should be celebrated. The older I am the more I believe in needing to be there with and for family and friends for graduations, birthdays, big moves, whatever is important for them even if sometimes inconvenient and boring.
My parents and sister came to the UK for my PhD graduation at a UK university, and I was 30, and it was really memorable and wonderful. It became such a lovely family memory.

Wow what an amazing achievement for your husband! 👏💐

It’s a real shame that his mother isn’t arsed about going. I can kind of relate, although my family came to my graduation ceremony they weren’t bothered about going out for a celebratory meal or drinks afterwards. They just aimlessly walked around the city and decided to only have a drink at the train station restaurant before they got their train home, whilst all my course mates went to nice restaurants and bars in the city with their families.

I hope you and your husband have a lovely day regardless of what MIL does or thinks.

You missed my point. 'No one would go with him' makes it sound as OP believes her DH was prevented from going to his graduation because he couldn't go on his own, which is clearly not the case.
It was odd of his mum to laugh, but by the sound of it DH has got used to her aversion to certain types of event.

No. In this country you don't "graduate" from high school, you do your last exam, reach the end of term, then never go near the place again.

Who would do 3 degrees? Lots of people need them. Science/research jobs require a PhD in order to progress. Same in academia. It might not be your cup of tea (or mine) but it’s hardly a waste of time.

MIL reacted as expected.
Don't worry, it's better that you go, or his brother.

She is a little bit weird but maybe she suffers anxiety and copes by listening to her feelings.

I went to my children's ceremonies and rating recipient's shoes helped me stay awake. Some very lovely shoes!

Absolutely love your brother. This is what showing up for family looks like!!

@HopelesslyNaive98 all these posters banging on about how your DH is an adult and how the ceremony is boring… so what?! It’s an incredible achievement and if one day one of my kids does something that amazing, wild horses won’t keep me away from the boring ceremony, no matter how old they are…

I'm so jealous of people getting more than 2 tickets. Think DH and I are going to have to pull straws as there is now a partner in the mix for DC's graduation.

Haha thank you @andthat ...he's a good egg.Just don't ask him to get festive 🤣🤣

I am currently doing an MBA and it hasn't occurred to me to invite my mum to the graduation, didn't invite her to my MSc one either. Feel like once you are a mature student it's not the kind of thing you ask parents to come to, its more for your partners (and maybe kids?) as they have been the ones supporting you day to day? She was kind of rude tho if he genuinely wanted her to go

I agree with this. Everyone is different. Perhaps your MIL celebrates her son in different ways. Perhaps his achievements don't matter so much to her as the person he is and the fact that she loves him just for being him. 💁🏼‍♀️

Every Christmas needs a Scrooge! 😂

Yes but it matters to HIM. And as a parent that’s what you should be respecting and acknowledging.

Well, yes. That's why I said in my first post on the thread that "she should make the effort to attend if he wants her there", and asked if she actually realised that the event was important to him.

She’s likely jealous of these events and looking for attention. Ignore her and don’t bother inviting her to these things again.

Oh how superior you are. So much better than people who don't see a graduation ceremony as either fun or of value.

She definitely did not! DH was in a really cool band through his teens and 20s and she didn't see one gig.

But I didn’t go in about it on a post where someone does find it of value. As most do, judging by attendances at graduations up and down the country as well as the evidence of all my friends and family. Too cool for school vibes.

Really. My DS is a post Doc researcher and there is no way he would "drop down" to a degree for 3 years.

My mum had a similar reaction. I got a perfect first class, didn’t drop a mark, after a horrifically abusive relationship. She had my youngest child who is disabled whilst I and the other kids went to the ceremony. When I went to pick him up afterwards, she asked me where I’d been.

@DrMorbius i misread your post. I was somehow thinking 3 higher level qualifications. Bachelor, masters, phd etc. I did wonder why you’d say such a thing when your son had a phd! Apologies.