MIL refusing to go to DS's graduation

[MonkeyMonkeyUnderpants1]

My DH has just finished a MSc at a prestigious uni and got the top grade. He did this alongside his senior civil service job so he's worked incredibly hard. I'm super proud of him and I know he's really pleased with himself.

MIL was visiting this weekend and I bought up his graduation and asked if she would like to go. She burst out laughing and said "god no, why would I go to something so boring?" DH turned to me and said "told you". This is DH's 3rd degree and his DB also has a degree. She didn't go to one graduation so neither have her sons as they didn't want to go alone.

My DH laughed it off but I feel sad for him. Parents should celebrate their kid's achievements no matter what age. I have lovely memories of my graduations. My parents and grandparents came, we had a wonderful meal.

I will obviously make his graduation really special but AIBU that this is not normal behaviour from a parent?

‘Those chairs’? Which chairs? Depends where the ceremony is held. DD’s was in a theatre, so very comfortable.

Of course it does. She laughed at the suggestion and she didn’t attend his first or second either she’s obviously refusing.

Lucky you! - I've been to three, they've all been held in a hall and I've sat on uncomfortable plastic chairs.

My own was in the Arts Hall of my Uni. Comfy chairs all round again! I think plastic chairs is unlucky…

Or maybe you were lucky - who knows! Not interested enough to care - but it's a factor if you are older - maybe you're lucky that way too!

It’s about showing up for your kids, even if it’s the most boring thing ever! My husband has also graduated 3 times. First time his parents went and I met them outside afterwards, second time I went on my own to support him (he was low contact with his parents by then) and third time I took our DS. We’d never not support him.
DH and I are already making plans for when DS graduates next year - I can’t wait! We’re going to make it a few days to celebrate! 🍾

I’m 61, so older but not ‘old’ as in frail. I’d still go and sit on uncomfortable chairs if need be for my DD though…

Good for you!

you need to look up the definition of that word, refusal requires a direct request or order first neither of which has applied, it still doesn't sound like your husband has ever said I'd really like you there, please come and he's actually the only person whose opinion on this matters

My husband? I don’t have one. I’m not the OP.
Read the first post though. She’s definitely refused, as in said she won’t. Not only that, it’s laughable to think she might. Why are you defending her?

I’m on the mums side tbh. Sorry. A private family celebration would be enough for me

Would you reply god no that’s so boring though?
Saying I’d prefer to celebrate privately with you afterwards lets go for a meal or I won’t be able to manage to sit on a plastic chair due to my sciatica is one thing but to be so rude is hurtful.

That’s a fair point

I didn’t go to my own for the exact same reason to ge fair. But we all do stuff we don’t want to, to please our loved ones so I think she’s rude. If she’s otherwise okay I would just let it go.

Ah this makes me sad. My own mother was so excited to watch me graduate and then died unexpectedly in my third year. Should my children ever experience a graduation I will be there with bells on it!

I didn't go to my first graduation because my parents didn't want to go. I gave my ticket to a friend so her grandmother could also go. I'm not sorry I didn't go myself, but it has always pained me that they didn't want to go - just part of their general disdain for education and my life choices generally. Dh came to my second, but then I didn't go to the third. One was enough just to try it. It's good to support dc in these things and to demonstrate that support.

None of my family wanted to come to my graduation. So I didn’t bother going.

At my son’s graduation (it was actually a passing out parade from the military) I was there. It was one of the proudest days of my life. His dad couldn’t be bothered to come, which made me sad. My son is doing a degree with the open uni but I don’t know if that will involve a graduation ceremony. He is currently in the first year. If it does I would love to attend. Not everyone is the same. I wouldn’t worry about his grandparent. Your child has you and their dad. That’s enough.