Thread 39 - Covid Cohort - Our Adult Children Now Post 18

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

@Oblomov22 dd is only getting £50 per week as we’re assuming she will eat all hall food (she’s dubious!). And I’ve said I’m only paying that in term time. I may relent if she doesn’t manage to get a job at Christmas… She spends a lot on socialising at the moment. I’m thinking that might actually be cheaper at uni as they’ll all be on site together so lots of free social time. And town for ‘going out’ will be nearer than now so Uber costs less - and shared with more people. This is the theory anyway…

Dd sent me a text yesterday asking for £50 to reimburse what she’d just spent at Primark on ‘stuff for uni’. I didn’t think she needed anything else but hey ho!

🙏 for exchange tomorrow @volterra.

Dd has already applied for two jobs one with an agency for bar work at Cardiff FC and another for tutoring. I'd rather she didn't commit herself to anything ...there is a lot of extracurricular commitment with music.

Her grumbling appendix seems to be abiding with the antibiotics. She needs to be really careful and communicate if anything gers worse.

Unfortunately she is extracting herself from family life rather a lot and spending as much time as possible with her boyfriend. She says she is scared of getting homesick..I really think it is all about the boyfriend really. Pandora rings have been bought that I've no doubt he wants her to wear on her engagement ring finger. It's all a bit silly really. Encouraged by his family they've only been going out since April. She is very naive and a bit immature about it all.

I'm upset as DH is upset ..he said he is dreading the drive down and won't know what to do with himself after. We split the childcare for a great length of time when she was younger and then he moved to shift work which meant that he was able to do lots of school pick ups etc. It's all a bit upsetting really it seems she is not bothered about packing or getting excited, just spending time with the boyfriend.

We are fortunate that DS’s girlfriend is also going to the same uni (by chance, decided before they were together) so we’re not competing for time in the last couple of weeks at home.

The only ‘shopping’ we have done so far is to add some food to the tesco delivery coming this week. Nothing else done yet but he doesn’t go until 24th so we have time. He also wants to take quite a lot of stuff from home rather than new so there is less to get.

DS gets minimum loan and we’re in the top up to maximum loan camp. DS got cheap accommodation so he’s left with about £4,750. We asked him how he’d like it paid, and between us we decided on £250 up front then £100pw for 45 weeks so it’ll see him until next summer. He also has savings he can use if he needs but we don’t want him to ideally. We have also said we don’t want him to work term time due to his course being full on.

i think it should be enough, if it’s not we’ll reassess. (Unless it is all going out related in which case he can top up with his savings). I suspect we will have to contribute significantly more in future years due to housing costs but will see.

@Oblomov22 sounds like he has plenty - most of us on £100 are getting food out of that too!

Kids can work in uni roles or part time in bars or retail if they want to live more lavishly.

We have friends who are divorced so loaded but mum doesn’t work and dad living elsewhere with replacement wife so get full loan £9700 plus bursary £2000 plus guilty dad provides additional £200-300 per month and new laptop and car?!?

Also have friends just over the threshold for minimum loan - so their children have to work as can only manage £40 per week.

in the past we’ve had friends remortgaging as they had all kids away at same time.

@CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee sympathy with your DH here, we’re driving home from dropping DD off and I can’t bear it 😭

@CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee same troubles here regarding DS wanting to spend all the time with his girlfriend. She moves next weekend though as do a lot of his friends so we should see him more after that as he doesn’t go until 24th.
Am concerned this relationship will affect their uni experiences. Determined to stay together, have been together since about May I think. Will be approx 120 miles apart.

Following the thread about money -- my DD has said that she will get a part-time job, but not for the first month as she needs to know how her workload will be spread over the week. Which makes sense to me! Her uni has its own employment agency which does internal jobs and also recruits for local businesses.

(No news from her today, which is a great sign! I should probably tell her to switch off 'location' on Google maps now that we don't have to rendezvous in complex ways, but I see that she's gone for dinner to another part of the campus. On a scale of 1-10, how wrong is it for me to check up like that 🤔?)

It’s absolutely fine @PhotoDad although it’s possible I may have a reason for saying that …

Yes, @PhotoDad and @DontCallMeBaby, it's totally fine - we're in transition too!

😀

I'll bet we're not the only three, @kiwiandcherries and @DontCallMeBaby!
👀👀

I think that DD has managed to meet up with some of her coursemates; that had been the plan, before their "Welcome to the Department!" session tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

I have been reading that Birmingham doesn't have coat hooks on the backs of doors. This seems extremely odd. And tight.

So,everyone buys command hooks or over the door hooks, thereby damaging the doors. It doesn't make sense!

@PhotoDad you are fine x

DS1 went travelling far abroad a few years ago when still in teens so we had him on a tracker app on DH phone that he’s happy to not remove. He’s graduated but lives at home but works and socialises all over the country - helpful when he’s not answering texts just check if he’s parked up at a restaurant so out with friends and won’t be home for tea 🤣😂don’t use it regularly anymore 1-2 per month. He knows and doesn’t mind my DS2 would never agree to anything like this but DD used to give me updates as they are friends on socials so she could see snaps and could tell me he’s alive.

@Piggywaspushed DDs place has hooks on wall near bathroom - think one of the DSs had them and the other did not

DD’s maintenance loan is not enough for accommodation so we are paying the difference and it’s too much to type out loud. We will pay food and phone and travel home, all socialising is her responsibility . She’s going with £2k saved incl CTF and will need to work in holidays if not term time. Treating her exactly the same as DD1. Just delivered DD1 to her London house share . I am gobsmacked at what it costs to live in a basic room, gobsmacked.

Good luck tomorrow @Volterra . Hopefully the exchange will happen smoothly & happy b’day to your DS.

@Fruitygal Yes, actually DD had some major social anxiety (long story, led to medication which helps) and rather likes having location tracking switched on as a 'comfort blanket' so I don't actually feel bad.

@Benjispruce4 There were many reasons that DD ruled out anything in London (or indeed 'big cities') but cost was certainly one of them. I can only imagine.

Anyway, all fine here. I should add that DD is a huge fan of Mumsnet (my DW got both of us into the habit) so if she ever finds this thread, I hope that she doesn't mind what I've said!

Fingers crossed @Volterra

Good to hear those already deposited are venturing out and about.

We have pushed the boat out and bought bedding and cleaning products!

Good luck for tomorrow @Volterra !

@Piggywaspushed I shared a link for some Ikea suction hooks after I dropped DS off - would work is the door was shiny and smooth. www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/tisken-hook-with-suction-cup-white-70381275/. Will be sending some to DS for his bathroom.

Well, that was hard. Dropped DS off this afternoon and he was very wobbly indeed, very close to tears when we eventually left (having stayed far longer than we had foreseen). A staff member from student services took him round to meet various of the students with jobs on the campus so they will hopefully keep an eye on him (he's quite distinctive in appearance so easy to spot) and he spoke briefly to his room neighbour who happens to be on the same course. But his poor sad face. I have not cried but am not far off.

Oh ED that sounds really heart rending. Would it be good to pop over to see him quite often at the beginning until he finds his feet or do you think he's best left to get on with it? I feel for you

We had agreed we wouldn't go next weekend to give him time to settle but would pop up and meet him for lunch the weekend after and he is planning to come home in four weeks for a friend's birthday. But I haven't got anything planned for next weekend so could easily go back then (if push came to shove I could go any time, my boss is great about stuff like this). We'll have to see. He does need a lot more care than the average 18 year old. Once his mentoring from DSA is in place that should help too. Also student services have said they will find someone to buddy up with him. Autism can be a swine.

Hopefully they will keep him nice and busy and he'll soon be enjoying himself and not have time to miss you. Fingers crossed for a happy message from him tomorrow. It's very tough isn't it, when everything and everyone is new. (Am autistic so can relate a bit.)

I’m sorry @EspeciallyDivided , it’s tough. 💐That’s good you an be flexible about visiting and fingers crossed he settles quickly. It such a big thing to do for them (and us).

Thank you, naturally I woke at 5 and can't stop worrying about him. These last few weeks have been such a rush of things to do (we went all out to get as much sorted as possible in advance of him going, things like the laundry app, setting his printer up etc as he does find stuff like that tricky and wanted to do it with me present rather than struggling on his own), now I think maybe he has become totally overwhelmed. We will wait and see what today brings.