Those June/July babies

[motherinferior]

Just wondered how everyone's getting on, having actually produced?

I'm absolutely knackered, and have very nasty tear which is giving me grief (I ripped into the muscle a bit) but am in much MUCH better shape than with dd2 - and dd1 is thoroughly enthusiastic. Mind you, dd2 is still asleep most of the time. I'm aware that the next few weeks and months are going to be, ahem, not the easiest, which is why I thought it might be worth keeping in touch...?

Hi there,
All this talk of sleeping through the night is SO encouraging. I am still here but finding it impossible to get onto Mumsnet at the mo!
Dd is feeding well but I have a killer left boob (see other b/feeding thread!) and she won't sleep anywhere but on me some nights. One night she slept for 7 hours straight in her crib though so I am hoping for a repeat performance sometime soon. Ds is great with her but ill and clingy too. The days I have them both I am on my knees by the end of it. Do any of you have any advice re: the sleeping on me situation.. will she one day just be happy in her crib or do I have to keep on putting her back in it constantly, even if she only lasts for 10 minutes?

Oh dear Jessi - it sounds like you are were in the same situation as me.

Tackled the only sleeping on me problem by DS2 sleeping in his chair in the kitchen in front of the dryer, great for his colic.

We have been trying to get him to settle and sleep in his crib for the last few days. Started by doing it during the day and yesterday he managed to settle himself twice. He has now slept in his crib for the last couple of nights and managed to settle himself once - interestingly enough he slept for longer in his chair but no doubt will get there.

We invested in a cotside unit which has the option of calming waves lapping on a seashore or a heartbeat - he appears to like it.. I think try putting her in her crib when you know that she is tired ( but not overtired - ie: been up for less than two hours ), wellfed ( and burped ), dry and comfortable - and then be strong, leave her there and go and do something else... Other people may disagree, but yours and your eldest sanity are important.

And as for DS1, still working on that....

Ugh. Had a crap night last night, it was bottle, then poo, then another poo, then another bottle, then chundering in her carrycot for half an hour til eventually I had to stride up and down the lounge with her and then she fell asleep. At 3am its a bit of a chore really.
Have to say though, I am now able to tell the time in the middle of the night just by how dark/light it is outside! Impressive eh!

Dahlia, how awful. DD2 seems to be doing less weeping and wailing at night, although last night was NOT GOOD.

Life not brilliant here, I have to say. Dd2 is being very crotchety and hard to settle. Which makes me a nasty, overtired mummy with her sister as well.

I also realise, Kaz, that I don't have the faintest idea how long they can/should stay awake. Two hours, you say? Hmmm, perhaps a lot of the problem with her majesty is exhaustion. I know it is with me!

omigod... ds has been sleeping since 4PM(it's a first for him) and is missing his usual feeding feast.
What do I do?
Wake him up or let him sleep?
DH thinks it's great that we'll be finally able to have dinner without interruptions, so he's keen on letting him sleep.
On the other hand I am worried that if he's sleeping now he won't sleep tonight.
Last night he was great, only woke up at 4, had his feed for half an hour and then went to sleep again until 8.

Dahlia - that sounds terrible especially the poo and sick. 3am, ahhhh - thank god for 24 hour TV !! My thoughts are with you.

Motherinferior - from my hours of Mumsnet surfing apparently GF says that a baby should not be up for more than two hours at a time. I think the idea is that if they are tired they will not take a full feed, therefore not sleeping properly, wake up, not take a full feed etc....
As they get older and are more stimulated they will not auutomatically fall asleep when tired so you need to watch out for signs of tiredness - yawning, eyes closing or crotechety behaviour and then take action to help them sleep. I've used the dryer and taking him for a walk in the sling - both normally work and I feel much better thinking that I have some control over the situation. I have only just started to try and get him to settle in his cot... - with mixed success.

Happyspider - it sounds like you are doing really well and unless you have some set routine I'd let him sleep. He might be very tired and just need to catch up on his sleep. good luck, what ever you decided - enjoy your dinner !!!

thank you Kaz, he let us have our dinner (bless him) and then woke up at 8:30, had a bath and dinner (some from breast and some from bottle I had expressed earlier on) and he's now in his cot staring at the ceiling....
Not sure he will want his 10PM bottle now, I will wait and see...

I am trying to follow GF somehow in general as I like the idea, but she's too strict on routine times and I don't like the fact that she even tells you what to eat and at what time...

Glad to hear it, happyspider.

There is light at the end of the rainbow .... last night 8 week old DS2 fed at 7pm and slept from 9.30pm to 5am., fed and then went back to sleep until 7.30am. I'm counting that as sleeping through the night. Must have been that half an hour of full blown screaming last night !!

Only problem I slept really lightly as i kept expecting him to wake up, even warming his milk at 3am, when there was movement in his cot.

Heres hoping for a repeat performance tonight.

Off on holiday for two weeks - all that means in practice is that DP will be around to share the burden off childcare - best holiday a girl can have.

I'm having a bad time.

I don't think it's PND, just being crap and inadequate. I have phases when I really dread dd2 stirring if she's asleep - because that'll mean feeding her AGAIN - buton the other hand I dread her sleeping too much because then she'll wake even more at night. I'm worried about not loving her enough, particularly compared to her sister (although I did grow in love for dd1 very much, I know, as a person emerged) but also I worry about getting to love her too much, because part of me doesn't want to attach to her because that means I've got no option but to love and care for her. I do love her. She's driving me mad. I'm in tears with exhaustion (she was up several times in the night, although dp was around to look after her lots), I've not yet got into a routine of expressing for her - oh, and last attempt at expressing, earlier this afternoon, produced a measly amount, so I'm dreading that going wrong as well...I don't think it is PND, but I also feel unspeakably distanced from my own body, that I'm going to go on being this mumsy figure for life.

Oh dear. I know I just need a bit of perspective and for this to pass. But at the moment I just feel AWFUL, and very VERY VERY GUILTY.

MotherInferior
Sorry you're feeling low. It's a very emotional and changing time. I think it sounds as if you're worn out . Try and and get a rest , even half hour helps
I'm off for a quick kip as dh as taken dd and ds for a walk. Hope you feel better soon , I know what you mean about the guilt.

motherinferior, let your dh know how you feel and can anything be done by him so that you feel less the burden?

I totally sympathize on the way you feel about yourself, I look in the mirror and see this lump I don't recognize.

But I just think that it won't be long and I will be able to take care of myself again, and in a few months time I will regret that I haven't enjoyed this time, when everybody expects me to be fat and still eat a lot because I bfeeding.

I am looking at my pre-pg clothes and can't believe some of them used to be loose on me...

Motherinferior - you sound exactly like how I was both times I was breasfeeding, resenting not being in control of my own body, resenting DS's when they wanted to feed yet again, convinced that I wasn't producing enough milk, exhausted, sore and tearful ( on more than one occasion ) ....

I have no advice on that really as both times I capituated and started to exclusively bottlefeed - which I am so much happier with.

I have only total admiration for you breastfeeding, especially with DD1 to also look after. It will get easier VERY SOON - our DS2 is now 8 weeks and 2 days and the difference since 4 weeks is HUGE. Cyberhugs and sympathy.

Thank you, my loves. I am going to go on b/fing for now, but I think I need to be much tougher with Fathersuperior on him giving a bottle (I know he's knackered - and he's doing pretty well ALL the cooking and probably more than half of the childcare on the days when he's about, but HE ISN'T BREASTFEEDING, HE DIDN'T GIVE BIRTH AND HE HASN'T GOT TWO KIDS ON HIS OWN TWO DAYS A WEEK). We got out and about today - little jaunt to a civilised National Trust place - and I also realise that however crap and exhausted I am I do need a bit of exercise even if it's just a walk.

And I keep reminding myself that the baby, if not the feeding, gets easier to cope with but thank you so much Kaz for pointing out that I'll be able to see a difference soon.

Won't I?????

Oh Motherinferior, poor you. I cried reading your post because I understand exactly what you mean and sympathise so much - it is VERY hard, isn't it? I have days where I feel completely deflated and depressed and think that there is absolutely nothing in life to look forward to and why on earth did I have a second baby because life was great with one. I feel that I am not giving anyway near enough time to dd1, I am deeply depressed about the state of my body, and I am worried about finances. I also lie in bed at night dreading her waking as I know it could well be a long session before she will go back to sleep. And although I love her, I feel bad because I don't feel very happy most of the time. But I keep telling myself it will get better, and all these feelings and emotions are temporary, and I must have had them first time round, and got over them soon enough. Kaz is right, it will get easier soon. We just have to grit our teeth and get through the next few weeks. And as soon as it does get better, we will forget just how crappy we felt at this stage.
Lots of love and hugs xxxxxxx

Motherinferior - is the breast feeding any better ?

Thanks Kaz - well, I don't feel as constantly on call at the moment, so that's good. The problem is it varies so much - I have no guarantee that I won't be feeling utterly crap later this evening, or tonight...it's our Day Off today, ie dd1 is at childminder's, so I've taken it very easy. It's that sense of utterly dreading the nights IYKWIM...

Hi everyone, just touching base before bedtime, dd1 is on a sleepover at Granny's and dd2 is lying in carrycot grunting which will probably go on for about an hour! I have quite hideous bags under my eyes that you could trampoline on, last night was a long one. And any minute now dh is going to call out from upstairs and make me go up and wave my magic wand to make dd2 be quiet. Tra la la.

Don't know about you other multigravs, but I realised this morning - in the library, of course (thank god for libraries), listening to Story Time, b/fing dd2 while singing along to Incy Wincy Spider complete with actions (one-handed)...that I'm not so much a Glamorous Juggler, more of a very incompetent circus ringmistress.

Or, perhaps, the Fat Controller?

Tried subverting the Hokey Cokey with lefty lyrics learned in my longago activist yoof, but dd1 put me sharply back on the right track.

Both now sleeping, which is world record. Everyone in our house except baby has vicious cough and cold. DP, of course, is being Very Brave But Needs Understanding. Why are blokes so cr*p at being ill?

Gosh, is it 7.15am already? And here's me thinking it was only 6am. This is what happens when you've been up for hours! Motherinferior, are you getting lots of smiles now? All of a sudden dd2 is beaming at everyone and everything, its lovely. Feel a bit more positive now.

motherinferior - what you're going through sounds EXACTLY like the problems I've had. I've just decided to go from mixed feeding to just bottles but I'd still say try the bf'ing as much as you can but don't let it stress you out so much that it's really hard to cope.

I found that coming on here whenever I could (not always often) really helped, even if I had to do it while bf'ing. It's just good to know you're not alone, even if you're in the house by yourself.

I think my main advice would be get enough help from wherever you can (advice lines, Mumsnet, family etc) to make you feel like you're coping enough to make a rational decision about what to do based on your individual situation.

Finally i can join this thread! see birth Announcement!
Will post when I get a second!

Hurrah - slept to 5.30am this morning !!!

We have had a terrible couple of days - on holiday at my parents cottage ( without parents ) and DS1 is sleeping in unfamiliar surroundings. The first night we were here I had just dealt with DS2 at 1am when DS1 woke up screaming, took him into our bed and spent an hour explaining that everything was ok, he finally fell asleep and i spent 2 hours perched on the side of the bed until DS2 woke up at 5am. Went back to bed and DS1 woke up.... AAAARGH

DS1 is still not entirely happy in his room but having had nearly a whole nights sleep - 10pm to 5.30am I feel much more ready to take on the world and the boys.

Kaz, it makes such a difference having some sleep, I'm glad you got some! 5.30 isn't too bad either, its when they wake at 3am that its really awful. Hope it continues for you.

Afraid sleep is just not a topic to discuss in Casa Inferiore. Little angel cried solidly for an hour last night, finally went down, then fed at around 1am, then again at 5ish (we hardly EVER get more than four hours together)...by which time my bosoms, particularly the overproductive left one, were rock-hard and overfull. Fortunately expressing this morning actually seems to have solved the problem rather than just making it worse, as I feared it might.

WM and Kaz - thank you so much; I rather suspect I'm blaming the b/fing for a lot of the other stresses and hassles. Yep, the mess (I dribble a lot) and the aching (I fill up a lot!) get to me BUT bottle-feeding wouldn't solve all the problems of sleeping, I suspect (it might do a bit, of course, let's not go there...) and certainly wouldn't alleviate the endless demands and strains that one baby, plus a toddler who has decided she's 'a baby', inevitably lay on you. And there are the big advantages, like on a really hot day like this not having to worry about water or whether we've taken enough bottles, and so on and so forth.

oh, thank you so much, though.

DP's birthday today. Cannot unfortunately give him the 24 hours of sleep he'd really like. Also we've all got vile colds/coughs (not the baby, as it happens, so no doubt that's the b/fing as well). Mine's going but his seems to be in bloom, poor love.

Hey, sorry, that post looks really gloomy and self-pitying. Must stress that the colds are getting BETTER, and the boobs aren't too bad either! xxx