Alcohol provided by parent at a party for fifteen year olds !?!?!?

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dd has arranged to be at a Halloween party sleepover this Saturday with friend group at one friends home with said friends mum hosting and present

No idea which or whom of any other adults will be there . I’m assuming so based on the text I have now had

Of course I said yes initially , however by chance I have found out that alcohol is intended to be available for kids allowed to drink !!! This does not sit well with me at someone else’s house that I was never told about

Beqr in mind I was only told because I found out by chance ( friend group Mum text me and said so are you allowing dd to have a couple of drinks at this party? I said what the hell I knew nothing about this , and she’s filled me in . Her daughter told her said host is getting some drinks in for those allowed )

I then asked my dd about this and following discussion and attitude resulted in my confer and said she can go but no sleepover and will be picked up … cue the text from host parent

Host has now text me because I have said I’m not comfortable with my daughter going if alcohol is planned in to a party for under sixteens . Bear in mind this was not told to ANY friend group parents when initially arranged over a month ago and it seems I’ve only been messaged because I’ve found this out

I don’t really like this and it doesn’t sit well with me any of it

plus my daughter knew this information and didn’t tell me

Dd has never drank obviously , it’s not allowed in our house to be drinking under college age and she isn’t interested in alcohol but we know that can change around peer pressure and when you aren’t around

I just aren’t comfortable with my child being in supervision of someone who would let kids have alcohol without their own parent there or even having been in knowledge of it

parent has said herself there is a small amount of alcohol available for those able to have it

just blows my mind why would you buy alcohol for other peoples kids ? There’s no need to do that for fifteen year olds they don’t need alcohol at a girls Halloween party

I also don’t know which other adults would be there with teens being allowed alcohol some of them having never drank ever this just makes me feel sick

I am now very against my child sleeping over and have said she can go but be picked up at nine or ten and that’s the compromise now

I feel trust needs to be built and I’ve for very uncomfortable gut feelings I just would not even dream of making alcohol available for other peoples kids end of.

it’s caused a massive row last night, daughter contacting her dad to get him to allow her to sleep over and pick her up ( we are separated ) and so clearly whether I like it or not I’m just going to be ignored

please can other parents give me their input

I’m new to this as a first time teen mom

Thankyou ❤️

We got roasted by other parents at my daughter's 16th when we asked if we were ok to offer round a single glass of champagne. You'd have thought we were offering crack.
The loudest Dad actually told us because he is a teacher and his wife a HCP they see the effects of alcohol every day. I was mortified as DH and I were also a teacher and HCP but just had different ideas about teenage behaviour.
Of course, his DD was the one who I later discovered had smuggled in a whole bottle of vodka.

We had a situation where my (under-age) teen went to a gathering where the parents were supervising. The next morning, child and friends posted their photos and I was shocked to discover that they'd been given alcohol by the parent in charge.

I wasn't happy as we had no idea and wouldn't have found out without seeing the drinks in the photos. I wouldn't have minded at all if I'd been asked in advance and I'd have probably let my child have a drink (I was doing much worse at child's age) but I was so angry that the parent had done it without asking. They have my number!

It's tricky as if you put a blockade up that her Dad will undermine, you'll look unreasonable and daughter might resent you for stopping her.

I don't agree with the parents buying alcohol for a party of teens, even more so if not even spoken about with the other parents but I equally do believe you have to slowly let them do things like this in safety so you don't do what my friends and I ended up doing (vomiting in a field, drunk as a skunk, after pretending we were at each other's houses for a sleepover!)

It's a tricky age and so hard to navigate!

I've had a similar situation with my teen this week - she's off to a Halloween party and has found out there'll be alcohol there. Difference is she's come to me and told me and asked my permission, as has the mum who she's sleeping over at. She's told me the logistics of how they're getting to the party house, which parent is picking them up and taking them to sleep over - and they're sleeping over at a parent's house I know and trust.

I'm not naive - I know they'll do this stuff regardless, but I'm impressed at the honesty and valuing my trust.

I'd rather this than some of the nonsense I got up to at their age.

i would never provide alcohol for a party in my house. However my dd15 goes to parties and sometimes her friends 15/16 take a few alcopops. I did let my dd have one on holiday recently. I would give my dd two small tins maximum. At her age I was doing it, though it was easier to buy compared to nowadays. My parents never knew. I would rather my dd is open with me.

This is difficult as kids want to fit in but of course struggle with limits e.g they probably just won't have one drink. A family member had a party for her 15 year old daughter in the summerhouse in the garden & bought them all 1 can of cider each. Long story short teenagers either turned up half drunk already or a few of them had suspiciously full looking back packs, several of the group ended up being sick (mostly girls) & a few parents had to come & pick some of them up they were so drunk. My family member is a responsible & professional adult & tried her best to keep an eye on things but it turned into a bit of a nightmare

I think I'd want to clarify, was the parent buying alcohol going to give it to the teens who's parents have messaged her to confirm they're allowed? Or was she just getting the teens to confirm they're allowed alcohol? If the latter this sounds like poor judgement and I'd be less keen on the whole thing.

Oh dear, a very interesting dilemma. I think it’s a really dangerous thing for parents to do for a start, it’s illegal and what if something happened to one of the children, under their care, from alcohol they provided? I think it’s mad they would even suggest this. However I do agree that if my 15 year old was going to drink I would rather she do it in the house. Either way I likely wouldn’t let her sleepover but I might let her go for a few hours, what are the other parents saying?!

Mine’s at uni now. I wouldn’t have expected alcohol at a girls sleepover party at 15. My dd had some Muslim friends at school so a sleepover would have been no alcohol anyway.
Mixed parties at sixth form yes alcohol present. I’d let her take some cocktail cans/whiteclaw but I wouldn’t supply alcohol to other teens. At our house if she had friends over getting ready to go out they may have a drink like a glass of wine but I wouldn’t give it them but they would have been 17 or some 18.

This is my experience too, the clinking back packs, or the turning up already drunk, or the leaving the party because the supervising parents are actually supervising and one child doesn’t like it so they all leave and go to a park, leaving the supervising parents not sure what to do.

While in mumsnet world, the teens are listening to Glenn Miller, sipping 2 or 3 alcopops.

Haha. Your children will keep/have kept sooooo much from you.

This is a tricky one.. although it’s not something I would personally do, what stands out to me here is that your DD purposely hid this from you and that is what I’d be most concerned about in this situation. I would much rather my DD be able to come to me, set rules and expectations down and her to have a small amount with me aware. Sounds much more sensible than banning something completely and therefore making it more exciting. From my experience at uni it was always the girls who were completely banned prior from alcohol prior to coming to uni who ended up blackout drunk as they went crazy without any idea of limits etc.

You can believe that if it makes you feel better.

I didn't keep things from my parents. They always discussed why rules were in place and adjusted them as I aged. I had plenty of friends at uni that had never drank up until freshers, we all managed to enjoy a couple of drinks responsibly.

My friends at highschool who got into trouble all had the same kind of parents. Any excuse for a drink, regularly getting drunk at home and seemingly had a desire to normalise it as quickly as possible so they had another drinking buddy.

Sad really.

...Only it isn't. It's illegal under the age of 5. OP's DD has been allowed to drink alcohol legally in someone's home for ten years now. I wish people wouldn't spread such misinformation.

I think you're doing the right thing picking her up but still allowing her to go, I don't think it's a huge deal - it will probably be a few ciders that will barely touch the sides. More the excitement/idea of a drink than the actual alcohol level.
Making it a 'no-no' in my opinion makes teenagers want to do it more. Lots of kids take their parents alcohol to parties (parents not knowing), which I think is worse.
I know teens who went to university who went absolutely mental with booze as they'd never been allowed a beer before then!
Buying and providing a few beers and ciders to them is better than them taking vodka, wine etc. from their parents homes and bringing that instead (IMO).
Have the conversation with your daughter, if you really want to 'ban' drinking then tell her your expectations, but don't go too hard as she might end up just hiding it from you.
She might surprise you and not want any at all, or she might try it and dislike it.

Deary me. Let’s line up the alcopops for the Year 1s!

Saw exactly the same type of behaviour in dc’s peers

I think this “teaching your dc to drink alcohol” because if you don’t they will abuse alcohol when they get to 18/university is a myth.

You wouldn’t teach your dc to smoke because when they get to 18 they are going to buy 20 packets of cigarettes and sit on a bench and smoke the lot in one go becauae you haven’t taught them to limit themselves to 2 per day.

I hosted a 16 year old's birthday party. I cooked pizza for them and offered Bucks Fizz to go with it. The Bucks Fizz gave them 0.4 units of alcohol each, but made them feel grown up. Personally I do not see anything wrong with that, but I know some of you here disagree.
I think the sleepover side of it is the riskiest as the kids can buy stronger alcohol at corner shops that do not check age and get drunk later in the bedroom.

But assuming they're in the UK, they're not underage to drink alcohol.