Alcohol provided by parent at a party for fifteen year olds !?!?!?

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dd has arranged to be at a Halloween party sleepover this Saturday with friend group at one friends home with said friends mum hosting and present

No idea which or whom of any other adults will be there . I’m assuming so based on the text I have now had

Of course I said yes initially , however by chance I have found out that alcohol is intended to be available for kids allowed to drink !!! This does not sit well with me at someone else’s house that I was never told about

Beqr in mind I was only told because I found out by chance ( friend group Mum text me and said so are you allowing dd to have a couple of drinks at this party? I said what the hell I knew nothing about this , and she’s filled me in . Her daughter told her said host is getting some drinks in for those allowed )

I then asked my dd about this and following discussion and attitude resulted in my confer and said she can go but no sleepover and will be picked up … cue the text from host parent

Host has now text me because I have said I’m not comfortable with my daughter going if alcohol is planned in to a party for under sixteens . Bear in mind this was not told to ANY friend group parents when initially arranged over a month ago and it seems I’ve only been messaged because I’ve found this out

I don’t really like this and it doesn’t sit well with me any of it

plus my daughter knew this information and didn’t tell me

Dd has never drank obviously , it’s not allowed in our house to be drinking under college age and she isn’t interested in alcohol but we know that can change around peer pressure and when you aren’t around

I just aren’t comfortable with my child being in supervision of someone who would let kids have alcohol without their own parent there or even having been in knowledge of it

parent has said herself there is a small amount of alcohol available for those able to have it

just blows my mind why would you buy alcohol for other peoples kids ? There’s no need to do that for fifteen year olds they don’t need alcohol at a girls Halloween party

I also don’t know which other adults would be there with teens being allowed alcohol some of them having never drank ever this just makes me feel sick

I am now very against my child sleeping over and have said she can go but be picked up at nine or ten and that’s the compromise now

I feel trust needs to be built and I’ve for very uncomfortable gut feelings I just would not even dream of making alcohol available for other peoples kids end of.

it’s caused a massive row last night, daughter contacting her dad to get him to allow her to sleep over and pick her up ( we are separated ) and so clearly whether I like it or not I’m just going to be ignored

please can other parents give me their input

I’m new to this as a first time teen mom

Thankyou ❤️

No I wouldn't buy alcohol for a teenage party
but I would let daughter take part after having a talk about expertations.

I wouldn’t buy it for a 15 year old’s party but it doesn’t surprise me that it’s there and I wouldn’t ban my child from sleeping over. You need to discuss it with your dc. I don’t have the no underage drinking rule that you do though, so I don’t know how you intend to enforce that.

I’d be fine with that set up - an adult supervising, a limited amount of alcohol and parental permission needed for them to have any. If you’re not, then it sounds like you just need to say so to the adult in charge and your dd won’t get any.

My 15yo is allowed a small glass of wine or a small glass of beer on special occasions. She generally doesn’t want it and just tastes a bit of mine, but I think it’s much better to learn about alcohol and its effects in a safe environment than to discover what it feels like at a random party or pub at 18.

Better they drink with adults in attendance who will, presumably, be keeping an eye on them than drinking in a park or not having their first taste of any sort of alcohol freedom until University...

And chances are, whatever the other parent has bought is some crappy WKD not Russian or Balkan Vodka.

Regardless, its very naive to think a bunch of 15 year olds at a sleepover wouldn't find a way to drink. They'll sneak it in, get older kids to buy it for them, get other parents to buy it for them, raid the cupboards of the house for whatever they can find etc.

Would I have done it without telling other parents? No. Would I be comfortable allowing my child to drink in the presence of another parent assuming its shitty WKD and not Russian/Balkan Vodka? Yes. As I said, better they get a taste for it now and find out how shit it is than at University where they will have no supervision and chances are take it far too far.

I think some parents take the view they would rather supply something weaker than have teenagers smuggle in their own alcohol.

This
and this has been my experience

I would be a bit put out that they hadn’t asked/warned me first. Either the parent or your dd. But judging by your attitude your dd clearly knew you’d kick off about it. I don’t think it’s the big deal you’re making it out to be though and I think if you stop dd from going you’ll be making more issues down the line as well as probably upsetting her a lot now.

A small amount of alcohol under adult supervision is better than them all getting it somewhere else and getting themselves into a state like I did at 15.

I really would try to chill out about it.

It’s supervised by adults so it’s not as bad as drinking in the park which these kids will likely do anyway. You’d be better off creating an open dialogue with your daughter over alcohol and finding compromise so that when she does drink it’s with your knowledge and permission and limits, rather than turning it into a battle field knowing you can’t win. She will just do what she wants behind your back because you will just shout and say no anyway.

Did you ask your daughter what she thinks?

This parenting phase is about your kids being exposed to more risk, and them being equipped to handled difficult conversations and unfamiliar situations. Making unilateral decisions on their behalf is more of a last resort for truly dangerous behaviour.

Putting aside the parent not telling you upfront that alcohol will be available for some - your daughter already doesn't drink, does she know what alcohol is? Which drinks are stronger? How to tell when your drunk and what this means? Is she curious about trying it?

What exactly are your concerns? You say trust needs to be built, but are you saying you don't trust your daughter now?

Definitely be more curious than judgemental - it's an exciting phase for them, approaching with an open mind and having a sensible conversation about risks and THEN deciding what the plan is to build trust and allow more freedom.

Are talking lambrini or buzzballs? I think it really matters what alcohol they are being given

’I don’t have the underage drinking rule’… Guh. People are so messed up.

I agree with your compromise. Sadly we live in a country where many parents don’t parent adequately.

It’s not been communicated well, but I think you are overreacting. Drinking under adult supervision for those whose parents permit it feels quite controlled.

(It’s legal to drink alcohol at home or at a party from the age of five, surprisingly)

Is the party for a 15 year old? I know from 16-18 this was pretty much the norm for parties DD went to. You do what you are comfortable with. We have bought DD two bottles of some kind of alcohol from that age and allowed her friends to do the same at ours however we don’t provide any alcohol although other parents sometimes do. We have an older child who was this age during Covid and so never ever went out. She went nuts when she turned 18 and the lockdowns lifted as did her friends, the caged animals they were at the time so we have used a new approach with her sibling.

The parties are usually 2-3 hours long I would not love overnights at that age.

Everyone is going to be different though.

Other parents might take the view that as these children are well under the legal age to drink alcohol they’ll make damned sure none is brought in! It’s illegal to buy alcohol for under 18s in this situation.
https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/facts/information-about-alcohol/alcohol-and-the-law/the-law-on-alcohol-and-under-18s#/overview

I wouldn’t let my child go to this. The parents sound like morons.

Those of you saying it’s ok because they’re going to do it anyway, it’s just exposing them to it earlier, it’s safer … do you think the same about other illegal drugs, or about underage sex? Would you provide everyone with condoms? Hand out spliffs at the door? A few tabs of acid? Where do you draw the line???

This was the norm for parties my DC went to at that age. I did not buy alcohol if gagherings were in my house.
However mine were sensible as I had had conversations with them about alcohol all the way through their adolescence. 2 of the 3 didn't touch alcohol until uni out of choice..and the 3rd was not over the top but did drink.
The 2 non drinkers did not 'go mad' at uni. The third drinks a lot when out. So my experiece is contrary to that perceived 'wisdom' that starting early prevents uni madness...
Its all rubbish. Alcohol is such a pervasive part of the UK culture that parents have normalised buying it and providing it to those underage. Its bad for developing brains..a taste for it can be acquired. Would anyone buy some packs of fags for their children's parties? So they dont go mad at uni?
I think its mad tbh.

Not something I'd do, but I wouldn't stress over it. My 2 went to a lot of parties when they hit 15/16. There was alcohol at some, but they didn't indulge. Probably because we asked them not to.

I have no shame in admitting that I view these sorts of parents being a particular type - chav.

I would allow my DC to attend because ultimately you cannot prevent teens from experimenting with alcohol or drugs but for parents to actually supply either of these to underage children says a lot about the lack of class of these adults.

You think picking up a 15yo from a Halloween party at her friends house at 9 o’clock is likely to be accepted by her???? 9 o’clock!!

no wonder she didn’t tell you anything and has gone to her dad for support. She knew you would react in such an over the top way.

try having a conversation with her maybe? Set out your expectations but you are being completely ridiculous

just chill out

I think you are over reacting OP. And making alcohol a forbidden item and much more exciting

Right - going against the grain with virtually all the posts here.

The legal age for buying alcohol was 18 last time I looked. Providing alcohol for a bunch of 15 year olds is fucking random!!! It's called proxy buying and is illegal.

Since when is 15 years old a good age to start drinking?

Yes I would judge the idiotic host parent for doing this.

FFS.

In my opinion there is also a difference in offering sips of alcohol on holiday or with dinner to your own children, to supplying it at a party for a group of children who are not your own.

Your analogy rests on an error. It’s not illegal for 15yos to drink at home or a private party. They are (surprisingly) ten years over the legal drinking age by 15.

It’s illegal for an adult to buy alcohol “as an agent” of an under 18, eg if the minor gives them money for it. And stricter rules apply about licenced premises. But it doesn’t seem like either applies to this party case.

Normal round here. I never provide alcohol, not does he take any with him, which lots do, but DS was offered at others houses from age 15 regularly. I don’t get that upset about it but I also avoid him sleeping over under those circumstances as I like to make sure all ok at the end.