Alcohol provided by parent at a party for fifteen year olds !?!?!?

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dd has arranged to be at a Halloween party sleepover this Saturday with friend group at one friends home with said friends mum hosting and present

No idea which or whom of any other adults will be there . I’m assuming so based on the text I have now had

Of course I said yes initially , however by chance I have found out that alcohol is intended to be available for kids allowed to drink !!! This does not sit well with me at someone else’s house that I was never told about

Beqr in mind I was only told because I found out by chance ( friend group Mum text me and said so are you allowing dd to have a couple of drinks at this party? I said what the hell I knew nothing about this , and she’s filled me in . Her daughter told her said host is getting some drinks in for those allowed )

I then asked my dd about this and following discussion and attitude resulted in my confer and said she can go but no sleepover and will be picked up … cue the text from host parent

Host has now text me because I have said I’m not comfortable with my daughter going if alcohol is planned in to a party for under sixteens . Bear in mind this was not told to ANY friend group parents when initially arranged over a month ago and it seems I’ve only been messaged because I’ve found this out

I don’t really like this and it doesn’t sit well with me any of it

plus my daughter knew this information and didn’t tell me

Dd has never drank obviously , it’s not allowed in our house to be drinking under college age and she isn’t interested in alcohol but we know that can change around peer pressure and when you aren’t around

I just aren’t comfortable with my child being in supervision of someone who would let kids have alcohol without their own parent there or even having been in knowledge of it

parent has said herself there is a small amount of alcohol available for those able to have it

just blows my mind why would you buy alcohol for other peoples kids ? There’s no need to do that for fifteen year olds they don’t need alcohol at a girls Halloween party

I also don’t know which other adults would be there with teens being allowed alcohol some of them having never drank ever this just makes me feel sick

I am now very against my child sleeping over and have said she can go but be picked up at nine or ten and that’s the compromise now

I feel trust needs to be built and I’ve for very uncomfortable gut feelings I just would not even dream of making alcohol available for other peoples kids end of.

it’s caused a massive row last night, daughter contacting her dad to get him to allow her to sleep over and pick her up ( we are separated ) and so clearly whether I like it or not I’m just going to be ignored

please can other parents give me their input

I’m new to this as a first time teen mom

Thankyou ❤️

I wouldn’t trust parents who provide alcohol for other peoples children.

It is still illegal and you only found out by accident.

These parents are strangers to you.

If you take the birthday and ‘parents’ out of the equation you have strangers inviting teenagers to their house and supplying alcohol.

Its not that big a deal, they'll be supervised From year 9 onwards I'd say it's the norm where I live at house parties.

I agree, and I wouldn’t provide alcohol for a 15yo party. And I think it’s crappy for parents to do so without letting the other parents know.

But I also wouldn’t see it as a problem, or prevent my dd from going to the party. I’d see it as a good opportunity to discuss alcohol and how to keep yourself safe (drinking or just being around drunk people) with my 15yo.

Can you not talk to the parent who is going to be at the party.
I wouldnt be keen on a 15yr old drinking at all...does the Uk not have alchol laws for minor's?
Really good for the immature brain.
We were given a talk by AA members who were as young many years ago...but thats to realistic when you are trying to fit in or be apart of a group.
Sad! Stick to what you want and feel is right.
Anyone wanring to intoxicate my family would be having a hard time answering why minors are being supplied!

I wouldn't be sending her at all. Not only because I wouldn't trust the scummy parent who is trying to gain "cool mum" points by supplying alcohol to 15 year olds in secret. But also because of her behaviour in hiding it and then trying to get her other parent to override you.

"Dd has never drank obviously"

Not obviously. MOST 15 year olds have tried alcohol. You are naive if you think it's not normalised amongst under age teens and that your DD won't encounter it in other social situations.

I agree with you that the parent who decided to provide some alcohol should have informed parents for sure, but that's not your DD fault. But honestly, a lowish alcohol beer with an adult present isn't something I could myself worked up about. I'd go one step further and point out that in countries like France and Spain where a glass of wine with a meal is introduced at that sort of age, you get far less over the top binge drinking in teens because it's not taboo/rebellious behaviour.

Your 15 year old DD is going to withold things like that from you if your views are so black and white and you'd be far better having a conversation about drink and then trusting her to sleep over, that the route you are currently taking.

Alcohol isn’t an ‘illegal drug’ and they literally hand out condoms at high school to teens. Being realistic isn’t the same as giving your kid illegal drugs

There doesn’t seem to be any proxy buying in this scenario though.

(There might arguably be if the adult is getting specific individual orders in from the minors. There would clearly be if they were paying).

Absent proxy buying, serving alcohol to a 15 year old at home is not illegal.

The first time my kid went to a certain friends party at 15, they come home after having a couple of drinks.

We had a conversation about me needing to know these things and "safe" alcohol Ie not drinking spirits but cans of premixed or lager and knowing limits

Next time we hosted, they were all 16 and I messaged parents to ask if their kid was ok to have a drink of alcohol...all said yes and brought what they were permitted to drink.

I'd never knowingly have alcohol at a party for teens if parents hadn't ok'd it and I hope that I am instilling trust and sensible limits in my kid

I am quite open with these discussions as I sadly know from the area that I work in, teens will find a way of coming across things if they want them, so I'd rather feel they can come to me if things go wrong

This.

I know i am minority around friends but nope.

My DD would not be going full stop.

I didn’t provide alcohol until age 17 at parties but I know DS was drinking cider at 15 - mums usually asked first though.

Well the host parent wasn't going to know who was allowed to have a drink at the party because they didn't contact the parents before hand to ask. Were they relying on the teenagers to tell them ?
Year 11 was the age where my dc started attending parties where there would be alcohol . But parents always texted me
beforehand . It was also a case of us sending alcohol for our own teen, the host parents weren't supplying it.
Have you had a proper conversation with your teen about alcohol? If you ended up having a massive row, perhaps your approach was a bit heavy handed.

Legal alcohol ages in England and Wales:

Yeah - your username is pretty appropriate!

I guess we are all different - but to me it's a big deal. I would not want my year 9 child having alcohol at every house party!

Just nuts. Why do they need alcohol to have fun?

All these posters saying it's illegal - in the UK it isn't. It's private premises. It's only illegal to buy alcohol for minors when it's by proxy, eg kids give you the money to go buy it on their behalf as the shop won't serve them.

I'm not saying anyone has to be okay with this party, but don't base that opinion on mistruths. Comparing it to handing out spliffs is laughable.

Op, do what you feel comfortable with.

But many teenagers drink small amounts of alcohol in family and other supervised situations. I don't personally think it's inherently harmful.

I have 3 very young adult offspring now. This approach is the way to go. The most precious thing you can have is an open dialogue with your growing kids, not maintaining tight control. It will see you through into a good relationship that lasts. Your DD will be half kid half young woman for years now, don’t waste your opportunity to be part of it. Im not saying it’s easy and I have had to rethink a few times, but work with her not against her.

Classic straw man. I hope you don’t use that tactic with your kids, they’ll disrespect it and you with it.

Long-Term Damage to Developing Bodies

• Brain Structure Alterations: The rational "thinking brain" does not finish developing until the mid-20s; alcohol exposure during this window stunts white matter growth and damages memory and learning centers. 1, 2]
• Addiction Vulnerability: Teens who start drinking before age 15 are five times more likely to develop a severe alcohol use disorder later in life. src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/b7cAW270NGc?start=72" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen> 1]
• Hormonal and Physical Stunting: Alcohol disrupts the endocrine system, altering estrogen and testosterone balance, which can harm bone growth, muscle development, and reproductive health.
• Organ Stress: Early and heavy misuse places severe toxic stress on the liver, heart, and cardiovascular system, accelerating arterial stiffness and early liver damage.

it sounds like the host asked kids to discuss with parents and let her know which ones are allowed alcohol.

i think the problem is that your daughter didn’t ask you and you have to discuss with her why she didn’t do so.

it could simply be because she isn’t planning to drink anyway and thought there wasn’t a point to discussing it with you.

my daughter drinks a little and has always told me and we’ve discuss the dangers of drinking.

i personally see these small parties supervised by adults as a bit of a training ground and i think it’s safe to assume the host is not just going to give them bottles of vodka or rum and leave them alone for hours.
i mean, she’s the first one that wouldn’t want to be cleaning sick off her carpets/floors.

it seems it’s taken you by surprise and i would just have a calm, hopefully constructive chat with my daughter about it all.

I have hosted parties like this. I have provided cider ànd beer. I have always told the others parents this is what is provided. Then the parents can decide. I think that our teenagers are so closeted, there is now where they can hang out together to have fun without it being really expensive - bowling, cinema, otherwise they are just hanging out in parks. You need someone to open their house to allow these get get together as they get older.

what is interesting is that some of the kids bring vodka ànd get smashed. We are always here to look after anyone who is very drunk and phone their parents to collect them. Then the parents have to talk about the alcohol.
being like this means now my 18 ànd 16 yr old drink sometimes, but don’t get horrendously drunk.

The issue for me is that parents weren’t asked to start with. It’s a very dangerous move for parents to buy alcohol for other peoples kids - puts you in all sorts of tricky legal positions if they become ill. Why would any parent risk that?

we have always said about parties for 15 plus, we don’t condone alcohol, if people choose to bring and drink then it’s on them. Any vomit and I’ll call a parent (I’m upstairs). Any damage and everyone is out. Kids have been very sensible - not many 15 and 16 year olds can get hold of lots of booze.

i have bought my daughter small amounts of alcohol since 15. To stop her going and drinking vodka or whatever else is out there. I pick her up so know how well or unwell she is - we said any visible drunkenness and freedom stops. We are slowly releasing the control as she gets older and she has learned to control and manage her own intake.

banning stuff never works. They will find a way. Work with her, or she’ll work against you.

I talked to my teenagers about sex and yes, would have provided them with condoms at 15, if conversations had led me to believe that they may need them.

My dd is 15 but as she’s agoraphobic she doesn’t go out sadly but we’ve had a discussion about what our stance would be on alcohol and honestly- i would let her have a drink, same as I did at 15, younger actually

dd isn’t interested in alcohol at all and I haven’t touched it since before covid but I remember being 15 in 1993 and everything revolved around drinking. I was going to pubs and clubs in Liverpool from age 15 and got into a few states.

Being somewhat supervised at someone’s home is quite different, a much safer environment than hanging around a park drinking ( also me at 15 ) and I think sometimes the more you make things seem “naughty”’ or taboo then it becomes an attractive option. It’s hard though knowing what to do and I am not a cool parent im just realistic.

I think you need to calm down and trust your dd to make her own decisions here OP. For my dd 16th party in our house I brought some alcohol for her and her friends, just stuff like WKD. I also brought lots of mocktails, J20’s etc. they all had a drink but the next day I noted that most of the non alcoholic stuff was gone and some of the alcohol was still there. No one got drunk, they just had a good time. Dd is going to a Halloween party this weekend where there will be alcohol. However I trust her to make her own judgements and I would far rather she was in someone’s house than out in a field / park. You need to pick your battles here and ensure you aren’t going to force your dd to hide things from you.