Alcohol provided by parent at a party for fifteen year olds !?!?!?

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dd has arranged to be at a Halloween party sleepover this Saturday with friend group at one friends home with said friends mum hosting and present

No idea which or whom of any other adults will be there . I’m assuming so based on the text I have now had

Of course I said yes initially , however by chance I have found out that alcohol is intended to be available for kids allowed to drink !!! This does not sit well with me at someone else’s house that I was never told about

Beqr in mind I was only told because I found out by chance ( friend group Mum text me and said so are you allowing dd to have a couple of drinks at this party? I said what the hell I knew nothing about this , and she’s filled me in . Her daughter told her said host is getting some drinks in for those allowed )

I then asked my dd about this and following discussion and attitude resulted in my confer and said she can go but no sleepover and will be picked up … cue the text from host parent

Host has now text me because I have said I’m not comfortable with my daughter going if alcohol is planned in to a party for under sixteens . Bear in mind this was not told to ANY friend group parents when initially arranged over a month ago and it seems I’ve only been messaged because I’ve found this out

I don’t really like this and it doesn’t sit well with me any of it

plus my daughter knew this information and didn’t tell me

Dd has never drank obviously , it’s not allowed in our house to be drinking under college age and she isn’t interested in alcohol but we know that can change around peer pressure and when you aren’t around

I just aren’t comfortable with my child being in supervision of someone who would let kids have alcohol without their own parent there or even having been in knowledge of it

parent has said herself there is a small amount of alcohol available for those able to have it

just blows my mind why would you buy alcohol for other peoples kids ? There’s no need to do that for fifteen year olds they don’t need alcohol at a girls Halloween party

I also don’t know which other adults would be there with teens being allowed alcohol some of them having never drank ever this just makes me feel sick

I am now very against my child sleeping over and have said she can go but be picked up at nine or ten and that’s the compromise now

I feel trust needs to be built and I’ve for very uncomfortable gut feelings I just would not even dream of making alcohol available for other peoples kids end of.

it’s caused a massive row last night, daughter contacting her dad to get him to allow her to sleep over and pick her up ( we are separated ) and so clearly whether I like it or not I’m just going to be ignored

please can other parents give me their input

I’m new to this as a first time teen mom

Thankyou ❤️

My view is they’re going to experiment with alcohol and if rather they did it under my or other adult supervision than on a park bench. I draw the line at strong spirits which can take effect too quickly to be able to maintain control so I’d rather provide my 16 year with something like peach schnapps (🤢) from time to time. She understands this and we seem to have a good quid pro quo.

My parents only had alcohol in the house at Christmas and even then it was a bottle of sherry and a bottle of wine. I was allowed a glass of sherry from the age of about 11 I think, but I didn't like it (still don't to this day). I'm still, 50 years on, a moderate drinker: maybe a bottle of wine spread over the week and occasionally a cocktail at weekends.

I'm interested to see how many people on here are saying 'not my kid' and am wondering how many of them are not living in the UK, but are instead from places where alcohol is not permitted at all until people are 20 or 21. Certainly the number of people who don't know that it's legal in England to let your children drink at home over the age of 5 is staggering and unexpected.

I have heard of it with girls parties over the years but not in my daughters circle.
I think it is disgraceful but lots of parents think its fine.

I would totally judge a parent doing that.
Staying over would be a no here too.

I mean no parents supplied drink in my daughters friends home but I found out afterwards that they definitely were having a few cans before discos, slipped into houses.
Not mine because I am a bit eagle eyed, but definitely others houses.

How do I know?
Daughter gave me her old phone and I saw the photos from a few years back.
She still doesn't know that I know!

Year 9?! Bloody hell thats depressing. What useless adults that they encourage and accept such a ridiculous situation.
I wonder how many of those teens reach 30 and dependent on alcohol/drugs.

From about this age they were drinking anyway, so I would buy them cider and things like those bottles of 4% alcohol 'fizzy wine' like Bucks Fizz. My rule was absolutely no spirits and I drummed that into them.

9-10pm is a bit early - I'd maybe have a midnight pickup if you are not happy for a sleepover.

You talk about building trust but perhaps need to let her off the leash a little bit more, so she can prove she can make good choices on her own?

It was the norm from year 9 where I grew up. We have all grown up into happy successful professionals with families of our own. None of us ever took drugs and nor were we ever alcohol dependent. We just enjoyed a nice party on a Saturday night

My DC said you could always tell the freshers who had strict parents because they were the ones getting their stomachs pumped during the first weeks of uni as they had not learnt their own limits!!!

@ChocolateCinderToffee one of the studies is here:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0306460325000267

Some drugs are cheaper than alcohol btw.

I went to an independent school. I smoked my first joint behind the pavilion on the top hockey pitch at 14, and my friend's sister in lower 6th got us our first LSD.

This was the 60s though, things were different then.

I think that’s a bit of a stretch. If anything I’d say that those who have been introduced to it sensibly from a younger age will probably be more inclined to take it or leave it, rather than those who have been restricted so much it becomes forbidden fruit.

Ds is in y9 and there are house parties just about weekly with alcohol. He isn’t in the slightest bit interested and never goes because he doesn’t want to drink. Obviously i’m pleased about this. But if he had a different personality I would allow it, very much in moderation and obviously supervised.

I think it’s a bit off that the parents didn’t check with op beforehand purely because a lot of people share the attitudes on this thread and don’t want to allow it from this age. But honestly as long as it’s just a few beers/alco pops and not hard spirits I couldn’t get worked up about it and feel very sorry for op dd who will have to miss out.

I dont think they are chavs necessarily, i do think they are weak parents who are afraid of not being their child's best friend

15 years of age is not the time to "learn your limits". What complete nonsense.

I also find it very telling that those who disagree are the ones throwing around insults like chav, useless parents, no class, really rude and unnecessary stuff. I hope your bitterness and strictness doesn’t come back to bite you when your dc are older and free to do what they like. You can have an opinion on things and parent your own way without being rude about other approaches.

I think there is a massive level of naivety on here that the children are going to stop at 2/3.
My teen, normal area, normal secondary, but there is always someone with a bottle of vodka, and peer pressure is strong, and they have no idea of their limits.

There was one party, supervising parents, where the house got trashed, I felt quite sorry for them. I know because I was told because one teen is fairly open, but I wonder how many other parents were blissfully unaware, if it had happened with my other teen, I wouldn’t have had a clue, because they aren’t as open.

I don’t think you can stop it, but it’s not the nice little party with limits that some posters are painting, and they also end up drinking in parks too.

15 is too young. As others have said, yes they might get hold of it anyway, but that doesn't mean facilitate it.
Just because a parent is there does not mean that half the kids won't be getting very drunk.
Those who were drinking themselves at 14 (I wasn't but I did know people who were) were probably not being supplied it by their parents.

I would be more relaxed at 16/17. They need to learn how to navigate different situations and it's harder to imagine a 17th birthday with no alcohol.

In my experience it wasn't chavvy parents supplying alcohol, it was middle class parents with nice big houses who wanted their kids (and everyone else's it seems!) learning about alcohol from a young age.

I faced these arguments that my strict no alcohol rule would mean dc would be abusing alcohol as soon as they were 18 because I didn’t teach them how to drink responsibly

Both dc (youngest mid 20s) have never abused alcohol

Dd does drink but only very occasionally (only twice this year) and ds never really took to it and doesn’t drink at all.

The liberal parents I know who do allow their underage teens to have alcohol seem to be those parents who do drink each day.

A couple of mums I knew who encouraged their dc to drink under the age of 18 seemed to want a drinking partner and in their mind framed it as a teaching moment

It absolutely is a cultural thing in the UK unfortunately

That was definitely me. Not quite as far as having my stomach pumped but very ill and put myself in very dangerous situations.

Can you explain what you meant by this:

‘No idea which or whom of any other adults will be there . I’m assuming so based on the text I have now had’

are you genuinely letting your children sleep at strangers houses? The alcohol is the least of your worries.

It's fine.

Sheesh!

My daughters are 15 and some in her year are 16. I'd rather we had an open discussion rather than sneaking round. I buy the alcohol for them and this are pre measured and i tell them the limit. Up to press they have been sensible.

100% this. As mine were growing up I saw many parents who wanted to be cool and this narrative about it being ok as parents are there keeping an eye on things is not necessarily true at all. When young people drink they are vulnerable. I allowed alcohol and made damn sure I had the permission of every before going ahead and made sure they were aware of what I was providing, in the event that someone managed to secure additional supplies.

Missed that bit! Definitely wouldn’t be allowing a sleepover at 15 without knowing what adults (and children) would be in the house.