Am I unreasonable to want more help as a homeschooling stay-at-home mum?

[EducatorMum]

Hi all, I need to know if I’m being unreasonable.
background - I’m a sahm homeschooling our 3 children (11, 4, 2). My partner works from home (data) full time and is the only financial provide which I’m extremely grateful for to enable me to stay home with the children.
I used to be a primary school teacher but came off to be with the kids.
I naturally do all of the cleaning , laundry , housekeeping , childcare. I’m up every morning anytime between 6 and 7. I do all bath times and bed times alone as they don’t settle for him. At weekends, he stays in bed until 10/11 . He struggles to sleep at night so he argues he gets the same amount of sleep as me (I go to bed with the 4 year old). I generally don’t get a lie in or much of a break. Every evening after I’ve cooked and cleaned up he will head to his office usually around 7pm and have rest and alone time until he comes to bed around 11/12. I might get an hour if the youngest naps in the day but feel things are unfair. If I ever bring it up he makes out I’m ungrateful, that he’s working a job he hates and I can do whatever I want. Is this right? I don’t know how if this is the norm for others in sahm / homeschool positions ?

Who wanted to homeschool?

"he's working a job he hates"

That is a colossal amount of pressure.

To be working a job he hates and responsible for all your financial stuff and everyone's emotional health as well.

He may need some care.

I feel sorry for your husband.

Put your kids in school

Why?

I could , but then I would work and what else would change?

Well you can’t do whatever you want because you are a full time parent to 3 children who are at different stages in life. What did you and your husband plan for? 3 home schooled children?

I absolutely agree. I do my best to care for him , he has all the sleep he needs , he doesn’t worry about the kids or the house. But I do wonder, what about care for me?

Why would you have to work ? You don’t now, you’d have much more time for the housework

Initially me, but he was onboard

I homeschool a child but that was only because she had a mental breakdown. Is there any reason you home school 3 of them? I’m not against home schooling - the opposite in fact - but one is hard enough and 3 would kill me.

If your kids are ere in school you would work and pay for cleaner / reduce the burden on him
or you could not work or work part time and then that would be your time ?

How is he responsible for everyone's emotional health too? He does barely anything with anyone else.

he would never allow me to just stay home if the kids are in school

Your husband could change jobs?

@EducatorMum
Why did you choose to homeschool your children? Was it a joint decision?
Do you ever want to return to work?

I’ve suggested this, but his work pays well

Then you work part time, or does he need to ‘allow’ that too ?

We both have thought I could provide a better education for them than at public school. It was my initial idea

When he has a mh breakdown because he hates his job what then?

But if you’re exhausted and resentful then that’s clearly not happening?

And what exactly am I supposed to do about that? I’ve offered looking at a change in job for him. I’ve offered going back to work so he can take a lower paid job. And why is it my mental health isn’t considered?

@EducatorMum Which would you prefer now? Being a SAHM (you only technically homeschool your eldest) or going to work?
What did you do before you had the children?
Go back to work if it helps your MH.

You can provide a secondary school education while watching a toddler and home schooling a reception child?

i feel sorry for your kids and your husband. Send them to school, get a PT job.
your set up sounds like a recipe for disaster.

It’s not about resentment , I’m just asking for others experiences as stay at home parents and how they balanced the work