Am I unreasonable to want more help as a homeschooling stay-at-home mum?

[EducatorMum]

Hi all, I need to know if I’m being unreasonable.
background - I’m a sahm homeschooling our 3 children (11, 4, 2). My partner works from home (data) full time and is the only financial provide which I’m extremely grateful for to enable me to stay home with the children.
I used to be a primary school teacher but came off to be with the kids.
I naturally do all of the cleaning , laundry , housekeeping , childcare. I’m up every morning anytime between 6 and 7. I do all bath times and bed times alone as they don’t settle for him. At weekends, he stays in bed until 10/11 . He struggles to sleep at night so he argues he gets the same amount of sleep as me (I go to bed with the 4 year old). I generally don’t get a lie in or much of a break. Every evening after I’ve cooked and cleaned up he will head to his office usually around 7pm and have rest and alone time until he comes to bed around 11/12. I might get an hour if the youngest naps in the day but feel things are unfair. If I ever bring it up he makes out I’m ungrateful, that he’s working a job he hates and I can do whatever I want. Is this right? I don’t know how if this is the norm for others in sahm / homeschool positions ?

You have a chip on your shoulder which isn't my responsibility .

Please note. UNDER school age.

Some of the comments seem really really harsh. If you’d just said you were a stay at home mum to a 2 yo I’m sure you would have gotten a lot more sympathetic responses.

There are 2 issues here:

1. You husband is working a job he hates.
2. Your husband isn’t doing anything like a reasonable share of the parenting/ household tasks so that you are acting as a single parent despite being married. He is using no 1 as a justification for no 2.

I do think this situation is unsustainable and something needs to change. You need to sit down together and talk through what can change to make it work. Could he takeover the household and you go back to work (although that does have its own risks if your husband is already a lazy sod), could you both work part time and share it between you, could your kids go to school and you both work? I’m a firm believer that if something isn’t working you change it and see if it’s any better and if not you can change it again.

If your husband doesn’t see anything wrong with the situation and isn’t willing to look for solutions with you then perhaps you need to go to counselling to discuss it in supportive environment because it seems unlikely your marriage will make it through this if nothing changes.

Homeschooling or staying at home with the kids shouldn’t automatically make you the only one doing any of the cleaning and childcare. Yes you should be doing the stuff in working hours but he should also be doing stuff in the evenings and you should both be having some rest time.

When my husband was a stay at home parent you better believe I did just as much (if not more) of the evening and weekend parenting childcare and housework as he did though he did do the supermarket shop and cooked the evening meal and if I didn’t get home in time he covered the bedtime routine.

@Walkerzoo how do you feel sorry for OP when it's her idea not to do paid work? They both resent each other for the different "outsized" burdens they each perceive themselves to carry.

I agree with you though that in her 'many teachers don't care about kids' idealism and OPs apparent reluctance to work, she is exposing her family to serious risks (a data job can hardly be secure in the age of AI, especially if he claims to hate his job).