Should my six-year-old wear an underlayer with her school uniform?

[ThisGreenPombear]

Firstly, mum is not in the picture so I am really finding my feet with a lot being a single Dad to my 6 year old girl. She is unfortunately very overweight (please don't judge as you don't know what we have been through) and whilst she has not hit puberty or has any actual breasts, due to her excess weight she does have the illusion of some and today the teacher came out and very discreetly suggested that she wears a t-shirt or something under her uniform without going into details.

I am really torn as to what I am meant to do, as it feels very young to introduce the idea of a bra to her, but I am not sure if she actually needs to in some way cover them ie. when changing for PE at school. I also don't want to send her in wearing a t-shirt under her school uniform as again it feels like introducing her to something that she is too young for, plus the UK is currently having a heatwave and the less layers the better. I also worry she could interpret this as me telling her she has to hide away her body due to her weight. Could anyone advise on what is best to do, is it fine to leave her without anything until she actually hits puberty? She hasn't said anything to me about it although we do discuss her body and why/how hers is different to her classmates with being bigger and why that's fine. Additionally I do know that all the children (boys and girls) get changed in a shared classroom at this age at the school but I think my daughter is often taken to one side as she needs help with trousers/skirts and shoes etc.

This! I'm a staunch feminist at the best of times, but the vitriol from some posters on here towards men really is something to behold!
OP - you sound like a great dad. I know how hard it can be having been a lone parent myself, but you've got this.

Probably from buying them for their own daughters? 🙄

Agree. Careful. I dared to say the same upthread and was lectured about these suggestions being ‘perfectly healthy’. They may well be, but that’s not the point. And OP didn’t ask.

I don't think there's been vitriol towards to OP, more the stark and unavoidable difference in the way male posters are treated vs women posters.

I look forward to seeing everyone on the next thread that a woman posts for a fairly mundane parenting question saying 'well done mum, you're doing such an amazing job'. It'll be lovely to see.

@Restrino There absolutely was vitriol, but (rightly) that poster was deleted. Why should posters "unavoidably" treat a father asking for advice any differently to a mother?
I think the dad is a great dad from what he's said and that he comes across as really caring for his daughter - I know from personal experience being a single parent is hard.
I think we should be supporting anyone genuinely asking for advice rather than just "having a pop." No parent is perfect but this dad is just trying to do the right thing by his daughter and that should be commended. Just as in the same way I'd commend a mother for doing the same.

Agree with all the PPs offering support to OP and I hope the very many useful suggestions will help.
As the PP from Australia noted, natural fabrics, which wick away sweat from the body, provide the most comfort, especially where overweight may be a factor.
I now carry more weight than is optimal and I'm very tall. In my search for tights that didn't descend round my knees I found Big Bloomers and I now buy all my tights from them. I've also bought a couple of v comfortable stretchy pull-on bras
from them. They supply girls' wear, too. Possibly a bit expensive for OP's budget at the moment? But worth having a look at their girls' wear range to see what's on offer, what might be appropriate (& you might find cheaper elsewhere).
All honour and support for reaching out as you have. Hope you're feeling "nourished" by all the help and support MNers have suppled. I can't remember what your MN handle is, but maybe you should think of changing it to @FabDad?
Wishing you & DD the best of all futures as you adventure forward together.

Why should posters "unavoidably" treat a father asking for advice any differently to a mother?

Well that's the question isn't it? Why DO people treat men differently to women when they're doing the same thing? Why is this poster receiving such glowing responses and being labelled FAB for asking this question, while a mother would receive a neutral response at best, with practical replies but almost certainly not the level of cheerleading we see here.

I think the dad is a great dad from what he's said and that he comes across as really caring for his daughter - I know from personal experience being a single parent is hard.

No doubt. I have no problem with OP or his question. But there are hundreds, thousands of posts from single female parents on here who are also great parents and also really care about their kids. They are rarely met with the same level of open admiration - despite doing the same job, asking the same questions and in many cases facing similar adversity.

I think we should be supporting anyone genuinely asking for advice rather than just "having a pop."

I couldn't agree more. But that doesn't happen, does it?

No parent is perfect but this dad is just trying to do the right thing by his daughter and that should be commended. Just as in the same way I'd commend a mother for doing the same.

Except that overwhelmingly the evidence is that isn't true. On a societal and personal level, we don't commend women for things that men are lauded for when they do them.

Well in this case it’s clear that both OP and his DD have had a very traumatic time and it sounds like the childs’ mother is the root cause. Most posters have picked up on this and tried to be supportive. Only on MN would someone pick that sentiment to pieces in order to criticise a man doing his best in what sound like difficult circumstances.

Depends on the circumstances doesn’t ? From reading the OP and the updates I have the feeling that OP has had a rough time of it and posters are picking up on that. Empathy and support cost nothing.

Some certainly are. My daughter has not long left primary school and some wore vests, some cropped tops and some nothing at all. What’s the issue with a cropped top?

@ThreadGuardDog Do you dislike all men? Or just some? I commend this father for doing his best in what sounds like incredibly difficult circumstances; the fact he is a man is entirely irrelevant. It's pure misandry to think otherwise.
You'd be having a go for sure if he was the "typical man" who leaves the majority of the childcare to other people. Apparently.