Should my six-year-old wear an underlayer with her school uniform?

[ThisGreenPombear]

Firstly, mum is not in the picture so I am really finding my feet with a lot being a single Dad to my 6 year old girl. She is unfortunately very overweight (please don't judge as you don't know what we have been through) and whilst she has not hit puberty or has any actual breasts, due to her excess weight she does have the illusion of some and today the teacher came out and very discreetly suggested that she wears a t-shirt or something under her uniform without going into details.

I am really torn as to what I am meant to do, as it feels very young to introduce the idea of a bra to her, but I am not sure if she actually needs to in some way cover them ie. when changing for PE at school. I also don't want to send her in wearing a t-shirt under her school uniform as again it feels like introducing her to something that she is too young for, plus the UK is currently having a heatwave and the less layers the better. I also worry she could interpret this as me telling her she has to hide away her body due to her weight. Could anyone advise on what is best to do, is it fine to leave her without anything until she actually hits puberty? She hasn't said anything to me about it although we do discuss her body and why/how hers is different to her classmates with being bigger and why that's fine. Additionally I do know that all the children (boys and girls) get changed in a shared classroom at this age at the school but I think my daughter is often taken to one side as she needs help with trousers/skirts and shoes etc.

Hmm, maybe? Surely vests would be better? Seems a bit strange to me, had genuinely never heard of it.

Sigh, was totally on your side till you started ordering women to be kind and support you.

Nothing wrong with a crop top at all. Vests are more material than is necessary and too hot in summer. Crop tops are a good minimalist solution and there's nothing weird (or sexualised) about them.

Make sure your daughter's clothes are large enough to skim her shape not cling to her body. I would look at vests as well as crop tops and see which she prefers.

I didn't say anything about them being sexualised? You've brought that to the table entirely by yourself.

Deffo crop tops. I bought ones from M&S and Next for my daughter before she started wearing bras. Good luck Dad.

Re the weight obviously never mention it to her or give her a complex. If me I would suddenly develop an urge to keep active and encourage her to be active as part of this. So if she sees you kicking a ball or jogging she will join in. Also there is a website to borrow dogs which might encourage her to go for lengthy walks with a dog. Does she swim and has she had swimming lessons? Any weight loss should be enveloped in the concept of a healthy body or vein healthy and not appearance. Ideally she would have no idea that she is losing weight as you can just do lots of fun activities eg join the National Trust and do long walks, take part in their children’s activities and learn some history in the process.

Insofar as diet is concerned fruit juices or any sodas are a complete no, I was heavily reprimanded by medical parents for giving my kids apple juice and stopped immediately. It was always just water thereafter. There are so many calories in fruit juice,dried fruit or those fake healthy cereal bars etc. Re snacks try to go for healthy ones eg apple slices with peanut butter or hummus and carrots etc. Try to put more protein than carbs on the plate for her and go for healthier carbs eg a chicken breast with peas and sweetcorn but no potatoes ( as sweet corn is a carb already) Avoid pizza, pasta etc.

I could only sense his frustration.

Vest
GP
Counselling - she’s bound to be suffering from some form of trauma without her mum

Yes GD has been wearing cycling shorts under her dress since she was about 5. Crop tops are good too.

M andS sell girls vests. These are perfect under uniforms and comfortable. There are also stretchy crop type vests but this may be too grown up for a 6 year old

Absolutely not.

Hi, most of the girls will be wearing these - https://direct.asda.com/george/kids/girls-underwear-socks-tights/marl-racer-back-crop-tops-3-pack/GEM1133208,default,pd.html?cgid=D25M2G1C9

It will be comfortable even in the heat.

wtf? He’s not ‘ordering’ anyone who to do anything, he’s spot on pointing out why forums get toxic, he has nowhere else to get advice and is doing his best. If we had a single mum here with no brothers or men to turn to asking a question about raising her young son because she wasn’t sure if it was ok/right and was just met with judgement or blame she’d have every right to call the comments toxic and unsupportive. And why on earth shouldn’t women be kind and supportive of men?! Why is that a ‘sigh’?

OP, I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, you’re doing great, focus on emotional stability, more daily movement and less added sugars (not loudly, subtly) and you’ll probably see massive changes in a year or two. Parenting is bloody hard let alone with presumably a lot of trauma and doing it alone. Well done for reaching out so you don’t feel alone.

What a ridiculous post. OP wasn’t ordering women to do anything. He was simply pointing out that he’s had a lot of support here, and that poster was being toxic for no good reason - as the deletion of the post proves.

Wow. Condescending in the extreme. You have absolutely no idea of OP’s circumstances or that of his DD, so you have no business commenting like this.

@Elbrethover reaction, he didn’t order anyone , the word ‘maybe’ was used towards a nasty comment.

Just to add to the uniform suggestions, Next also do pull on uniform up to size 16 years, as do Asda, often called "easy dressing" or similar. They also do shirts and polos with the illusion of buttons that actually do up with velcro. My son is 7, had very poor fine motor skills so we use these to allow him to change independently for PE and swimming lessons.

M&S and Asda (not sure about Next) also do a plus fit range, larger waist/chest measurements without additional length.

Can't help with crop tops as I'm a boy mum but if you do need help finding the right thing, ive always found M&S staff very approachable and happy to spend time to help find the right items

Mine wore vests at that age. Shorts under skirts/ summer dress or skorts in summer.
Do not think twice and get her vests.

Are you joking? People were being unpleasant and he stood his ground. Stop being such a man hater. I can’t believe it makes you happy

As everyone has said, crop tops and possibly cycling shorts if she’s wearing skirts for school. I’ve found even at secondary school very few girls opt for a traditional bra anymore. I’d recommend Next or M&S for crop tops, and don’t be afraid of sizing right up. The younger sizes don’t seem to take into account that bodies are starting to change and aren’t straight up and down, so at 6, you may want to age up to around age 10 or more.

Crop tops and exercise like swimming. I think my daughter wanted them as some of her chubby friends had them about 7 years old.

Next do a plus size option as well, I have to get my sons trousers from there as he’s become quite muscular across the thighs etc from cycling a lot and he said the regular ones felt like leggings 😂

Crop tops - easy to find in the supermarkets. My daughter has been wearing them since 6 - it's a fashion/comfort thing and doesn't need elaborate explanation.
My son put on weight after the divorce so I hear you and the need to focus on mental recovery. The old truism you can't pour from an empty cup is very true. Now you're in a good place it will happen but i'd see it as about keeping her at this weight and waiting for her body to grow.
Good luck with it all - you sound a great dad. But don't forget to ask for help from GP or school - I've found social workers to be incredibly supportive especially as you listen to their advice. Sometimes you need someone to rock up and confirm you're doing a grand job in difficult circumstances

It is more likely that most of the girls in her class wear vests or similar.

Are you engaging your GP on the weight loss?
Just as for children is more growing into their weight, rather than losing weight.