Should my six-year-old wear an underlayer with her school uniform?

[ThisGreenPombear]

Firstly, mum is not in the picture so I am really finding my feet with a lot being a single Dad to my 6 year old girl. She is unfortunately very overweight (please don't judge as you don't know what we have been through) and whilst she has not hit puberty or has any actual breasts, due to her excess weight she does have the illusion of some and today the teacher came out and very discreetly suggested that she wears a t-shirt or something under her uniform without going into details.

I am really torn as to what I am meant to do, as it feels very young to introduce the idea of a bra to her, but I am not sure if she actually needs to in some way cover them ie. when changing for PE at school. I also don't want to send her in wearing a t-shirt under her school uniform as again it feels like introducing her to something that she is too young for, plus the UK is currently having a heatwave and the less layers the better. I also worry she could interpret this as me telling her she has to hide away her body due to her weight. Could anyone advise on what is best to do, is it fine to leave her without anything until she actually hits puberty? She hasn't said anything to me about it although we do discuss her body and why/how hers is different to her classmates with being bigger and why that's fine. Additionally I do know that all the children (boys and girls) get changed in a shared classroom at this age at the school but I think my daughter is often taken to one side as she needs help with trousers/skirts and shoes etc.

I think the right answer here would be vest crop tops, especially in this weather.

My daughters always had cotton vests then crop tops then those pull on bras type things. I was an obese child age 6-12. Lost it all at 12 when I was bullied for being fat, in my first year at secondary school. Swapping her treats for fruit, chocolate rice cakes and pretzels will help a lot. Going for a walk after dinner helps too. Swapping dinner for low fat versions so she doesn’t feel the difference is good. There’s a fruitcake you make with tea that’s very nice but low fat and no sugar. Give her a cheap skipping rope to take to school, all the girls will start bringing theirs in and they’ll all skip together during breaks (I used to work in a school). She will lose it quite quickly. My mum and I were surprised at how fast I burned off the fat, it took less than a year. Good luck with everything.

Just out of interest if a single mum posted here, would your response be that she had to seek counselling for her kids because they’d be bound to suffer trauma without their dad?

We always wear vests and shorts under our dresses and skirts. Id get her cotton vests or crop tops.

If you want plus side range if school uniform check out Mark's and Spencers, Next, Asda and a mataland have a range.

I'd prepare yourself to start talking about puberty. They feel way too young for tgat at 7 but realistically realistically for girls it starts between 8 and 13. There are some good books. Although, read them first because I wasn't happy with the content of a few I got. Also, it will help you field questions in an age appropriate way. The girls guide to growing up is good.

the point with a vest is that the take the sweat away, so are ideal

I'd also really recommend shorts under dressed and skirts too. Makes it so much more comfortable.

There's no shame in explaining that her body is developing and when girls get older they cover their boobs for privacy and for comfort. All kids develop at different ages, no such thing as being too young to understand that.

Agree. Of course not. It’s a condescending and snotty post. It wasn’t made with any level of concern because the poster doesn’t know the OP’s circumstances. It was done to burst the bubble of support from other posters and to put OP in his place, lest he think he’s doing a good job of supporting his DD, as a man.

Who mentioned sexualising crop tops ?

She’s six.

Oddball teacher.

They do in my child’s class. Mine is 9 now but some girls have worn them for 2-3 years. Vests are also a good call in winter. Totally agree about a more generous t-shirt.

To be honest, I’m so surprised that kids are still having to get changed in classrooms in front of each other. I’m late 40s and we did this at school and I absolutely hated it. I used to feel so self conscious and had a really odd, contorted way of getting (un)dressed as I was so uncomfortable. People often say ‘they are young, pre/pubescent kids, they don’t care’, but I certainly did.

This is a perfectly healthy suggestion for a child's diet, regardless of weight. Kids really don't need pizza.

I can't see the post you are responding to, but I am so sorry that you have to deal with such toxicity when reaching out for help. Just sending solidarity and support. Other posters have given some helpful suggestions. Hope you are able to sort this dilemma out, and do feel free to come back for future dilemmas too. I've found some on MN toxic/accusatory/harsh but the majority are helpful, positive posters.

You sound like such a lovely dad. You are right about forums, they can be so toxic. There's always one with a nasty comment or taking offence.

I was a very overweight child, the biggest in my class. We all wore vests in those days, the 70's, both winter and summer. My mum just ignored my weight as she didn't want to upset me but I so wish she'd surreptitiously put me on a diet.

Only cropped vests. Not the sports bra type crop tops.

Crop tops are great. Asda have a generous fit to their polo shirts generally. I also have culottes (from Sainsbury's) for my dd. She's a lover of climbing and cartwheels and they're much easier than shorts under skirts.

Definitely crop tops/vest for top and cycling shorts for under skirts/dresses (my DD wore a strappy vest and cycle shorts at that age). Cotton vest for summer/spring and thermal type vest for winter. She was wearing cycling style shorts (obviously without the padding!!!) underneath dresses and skirts from about age 4 (when she started school) as she would climb trees, make dens, do handstands etc. Her peers would wear the same, irrespective of size. DD is in Yr 8 now and still wears cycle shorts under her skirts/dresses, as do her friends :) She headed off to school this morning in a school summer dress, wearing cycle shorts underneath. Her best friend is shorter and a larger size and will wear similar. Her preference for pants has been the shorty style pants.

For uniforms, I'd buy a couple of sizes up. It would give space for her to grow and be nice and loose/comfy on her in warm weather. Out of school, we'd get skorts for her to wear in the summer :)

NB for swimming, I always wear an all-in-one that has legs that go down to mid thigh (I'm 5ft 3ish and about 50kg in weight, to give you an idea, but DD is taller and proportionally bigger than me), and my DD wanted similar. A lot of her friends also wear similar. When DD was younger, she'd wear a swimsuit with rash top over and/or swim shorts over. Now she's older, Sports Direct do a Slazenger swimsuit that's an all in one and covers up quite nicely. It has a racer back style so no worries about straps slipping down the arms. Also pretty inexpensive and long lasting! They're simple, functional and - again - it's a comfort, dignity and confidence thing, they can lark about freely without worrying.

One of the PP mentioned figuring out how to talk about puberty. That's a good shout to prep yourself for that now, so you can answer questions or talk about it in an age-appropriate way in the future. When DD was year 4/5, I did start talking about puberty/periods (in conjunction with what was being taught at school) so she'd know what to expect. I also went through different options (period pants and cloth pads) and got some in (she chose a couple of each option) so she had stuff in place for when she did start (unlike me when I started periods and completely freaked out!).

I'm a single parent too and I know it isn't easy. Just take each day and week as it comes. Keep asking questions (none of us parents were born with a chip in our brains knowing exactly what to do!!), and just do what is right for you guys. For my DC (19 and 12), I've never focussed on size (ok, both DC have always been slim), but on healthy lifestyle (good/balanced food, good sleep, exercise etc) and so on. Wishing you guys all the best x

What?? Oddball comment.

At 6??

if this were another female we would not be as simpering as some of these replies are.

im quite shocked but I guess I shouldn't be really

You sound like an amazing Dad OP. Ignore the trolls, unfortunately there are some very unpleasant people on this site.

I agree. She's wearing a school shirt,nothing else is needed at 6,that's ridiculous.

@ThisGreenPombear good on you for reaching out to ask for advice.

My DD always wore a vest under her school uniform. If your DD is larger than her classmates, then I wouldn’t recommend a crop top and would suggest a normal girls vest or a small size adult vest/tank top for fuller coverage of stomach. Hopefully she’s not being bullied due to her size, but knowing that children can be cruel, I would definitely go for a full vest that tucks into her trousers or skirt.

She could wear a cotton strappy crop top instead of a t-shirt. They make them in size 5-6 years so it’s not uncommon. She’d probably need a bit bigger size though if she’s overweight.

You’re such a good dad for caring about it, my dad would just brush it off and not do anything

www.next.co.uk/style/su424858/ad0260?

I agree, it takes a lot of squinting to see a phrase that starts with 'maybe' as an order😁- a massive, massive anti man vibe there!