Should my six-year-old wear an underlayer with her school uniform?

[ThisGreenPombear]

Firstly, mum is not in the picture so I am really finding my feet with a lot being a single Dad to my 6 year old girl. She is unfortunately very overweight (please don't judge as you don't know what we have been through) and whilst she has not hit puberty or has any actual breasts, due to her excess weight she does have the illusion of some and today the teacher came out and very discreetly suggested that she wears a t-shirt or something under her uniform without going into details.

I am really torn as to what I am meant to do, as it feels very young to introduce the idea of a bra to her, but I am not sure if she actually needs to in some way cover them ie. when changing for PE at school. I also don't want to send her in wearing a t-shirt under her school uniform as again it feels like introducing her to something that she is too young for, plus the UK is currently having a heatwave and the less layers the better. I also worry she could interpret this as me telling her she has to hide away her body due to her weight. Could anyone advise on what is best to do, is it fine to leave her without anything until she actually hits puberty? She hasn't said anything to me about it although we do discuss her body and why/how hers is different to her classmates with being bigger and why that's fine. Additionally I do know that all the children (boys and girls) get changed in a shared classroom at this age at the school but I think my daughter is often taken to one side as she needs help with trousers/skirts and shoes etc.

You sound like you’re really focused on supporting her. Please don’t be put off saying for advice here to help support her the best way you can.

Navigating parenthood is hard at the best of times even when you have a partner or friends to sense check decisions.

I am sure if you ask on your local Facebook group you may find someone giving away a child’s bike and even one for you so you could go out together - as you suggest above that’s something you’d like. Many after school clubs do offer subsidised or even free places for those who need support so don’t be afraid to investigate if these are available in your area if it’s something she’d be keen to do.

Best of luck.

And that advice was given in a supportive and friendly way in line with how he has said he's approaching it. It might not be the question directly asked but it's hardly a derail and it wasn't presented in any negative or aggressive way.

Obviously have no idea what was said, but can imagine. Some people are just vile. Good luck with your daughter, I’m sure with you rooting for her everything will turn out fine.

Hello - I’d love to help you if I can. I’m in the North of England and have a daughter. If I can help with clothes around age 12 please reach out to me and I can get some sent to you. Sending you lots of love and strength. I hope you are getting some help and support xx

Squishy Snacks and Treats Tummy is odd vocab for a 6 year old,did that come from an adult or her? I wouldn't encourage that in case she uses it at school and others use it to tease her.

You didn't see the post he's replying to did you?

He is allowed to stick up for himself if faced with toxicity. Same as anyone, any sex.

I would go for a crop top as well. A t shirt would be boiling in this weather!

Do they still sell the pointelle jersey crop tops? It's what we were put in from about 6 year old ready to move on to training bras in later development. They were soft, so stopped a lot of itchy feelings in t shirts, and they were pretty so it made us want to wear them as I know that it can be a daunting transition.

Cycling is great - def teach her! I was never taught to ride a bike so I made my children learn from a young age - and then they do cycling proficiency in school at around 10 I think.

Sure you were 'totally on his side'. FFS not everything is about 'misogyny'.

You sound like the best dad, and yes, crop tops are the way forward, thin cotton ones are best in this weather and thicker ones in the winter will give her a nice extra layer of warmth. It's tough being a single parent but I am sure you both will thrive together.

They may be considerate, sure - but they wouldn't be the same.

Wouldn't it be nice if every thread started by a female OP - who have often been through all sorts of trauma too - said 'well done mum' 'you're so engaged' 'my wife would never have the wherewithal to ask women for help' 'you sound like a great mum' 'your daughter is lucky to have you' 'we forget how amazing daughter mums can be' etc etc. But they often don't, do they? Practical advice perhaps, but the general support? Not so much - it's just expected from women.

IMHO I would only buy a crop top at that age if your daughter asks for one. It is a fairly pointless piece of clothing until breasts are developing. Obviously a vest in winter is ok. Definitely do not add any extra layers in hot weather.

@ThisGreenPombearcrop tops are the way to go. You sound like you are doing a fantastic job. Glad you’re both safe and Happy and good for you for sticking up for yourself in regards to the negative comments. X

Agree with this. In this hot weather comfort is a priority.

Can I just say you sound a fab dad. Wishing you all the best

BBC article

I read this article shortly after seeing your post and thought it might be of interest to you. Best of luck, it’s not easy but your daughter is lucky to have you.

You sound like a great dad. Regarding swimming, I know some pools do free or subsidised sessions for kids in some circumstances. Possibly not actual lessons but getting comfortable in water and having fun splashing around is the first step

Yes, but school have raised her wearing an underlayer.

What are you talking about? People routinely ask posters to be kind, suportive or considerate when responding to their question. No one is ordering anyone to do anything. Given we are talking about the struggles of a 6yo girl, who's Mother is clearly no longer on her life and a Father who is clearly trying to do his best for her, is an appeal for kindness and support really something you felt deserved this response?

In my experience obesity is much easier and quicker to turn around at this age than people think. If you persevere and keep doing what you’re doing, she will slim down dramatically over the next couple of growth spurts. More exercise - especially the way you’re doing it, as a pleasure activity where she is bonding with you, rather than as a joyless penance for eating too much, will improve her mood, sleep and general health as well (and yours!)

It’s not easy trying to break a cycle of “food as comfort and love” with yourself as an adult, never mind with a traumatised six year old. More power to you, you’ll get there. And I second getting some little cotton crop tops.

Hi OP - try your local Freecycle (www.freecycle.org) for a bike, or other play equipment. Select your nearest town(s) and click on Offers to see what's available. You can also post a Wanted request here. People are happy to give away all kinds of things.

Mine are older but at that age wore vests, and in Summer nothing apart from pants under their dresses. The same as when I was their age. There has been a shift towards girls covering up more, crop tops when they are still really little pre puberty, shorts over pants under dresses, yet in the 70s this wasn’t an issue at all. It seems to sexualise little girls and I don’t like it at all. They don’t have breasts, why should they be hot and covered up ? Im annoyed on your behalf re the teacher telling you that your SIX year old should wear a t shirt under her uniform, simply because she has some padding on her chest. She won’t be the only one, are the chubbier girls supposed to be covered up now, while the skinny girls can be cool and comfortable? That is very wrong. Are the little boys told to wear t shirts if they are a bit chubby ? As neither of them have actual breasts.
Having said that though, it’s hard being the only one who isn’t covered if everyone else is, and when changing your dd might feel self conscious so the little crop tops are probably the best compromise if and only if that is what all the other girls wear. M&S do cotton ones, some are totally synthetic so not nice in hot weather, if she wants to wear them then go for the cotton ones.
I am sorry your little girl has been through such a tough time and I hope things get better for both of you 💐

OP, I noticed that you said "for the last 4 years we have had absolutely no money".

Are you receiving everything you could claim in the way of benefits?