Good age to be parents?

[ploshbug]

Just curious, what do you think is a good age to have children?
Parents who had children at a younger age - what do you enjoy/regret?
Parents who had children at an older age - same thing, what do you enjoy/regret?
How do you know you're ready to have children?
Also I think financial security is important, but parents, how important exactly is it?
Thanks!

I had my two at 28 and 31 and that felt perfect for us.

Opposite to a previous poster when I was 28 going to baby groups I was definitely towards the younger end - mid 30s was more the norm.

I had my DD when I was 23 and my DS at 35 and now expecting again at 35. Me and my DD are super close and had so many adventures together. Physically pregnancy was tougher in my 30’s energy wise. DS is only 4 months so I cant comment on much more. Personally I dont think there is a right time other than the time it happens!

32 and 36 due to it taking a while to conceive. Felt ok for us and my career was at a good point in that I knew I’d be able to have a break each time and go back. I have afew close friends having babies in their early forties and they seem to manage ok, but I think I would be too knackered to manage now!

I had my 3 children at 32 36 and 40. Number 3 was a bit of a surprise ! I’m 62 now, the elder 2 have good careers and their own homes, my youngest graduated last year and is doing well in his first job, I’ve got a couple of years to go until retirement. No real regrets, never felt that old compared to the other Mums. The only thing I think I would have done differently, had more planning gone into it ! is to maybe have them closer together. Good luck with whatever you decide

Personally I think everyone has an optimum age and also an age where you get what you’re given and do the best with it.

I started having DCs in 30’s and I would have liked to have started about 27 but it didn’t happen that way.

I would say a little bit later for me may have paid off rather than say 18-25 as I was a bit older and had way more life experience and possibly a better home etc ( I will be honest, I listened to my friends who had them before me and what worked for them and what didn’t - use this time well and listen and learn)! When I was 18 I was personally a little immature, however a friend of mine grew up overnight and became a smashing Mum at 19.
However I honestly feel I still would have made a good job of it at any age, youth does help with energy and fertility, but age can bring experience and reflectivity. I have a group of friends who they had theirs late 30’s and 40’s not through choice, and they’re an amazing lot.
children are children and not an extension of friends - you need to a parent for them but yes approachable and friendly too.

whatever you decide, have the inner confidence that you will be the best parent you can be.

I was married at 22, but waited until 34 and 36 to have my 2 children, by which.time we had a decent house and had done some travelling.

My daughter has just had her first at 32, my son may have one soon (he will be at least 35).

So now I'm a first time gran at 69 - fortunately a fit 69 year old, but what about in 10 years time?

My (now ex) husband was 40 though, so he's now a first time grandad at 75 and starting to shuffle a bit.

I'm glad I did the travelling before children though - no more places I really want to see!

I had our first at 30, we waited until we were married and had brought our house. We had our last one when I was 37, we definitely couldn’t have afforded to have them in our 20’s and buy the house, but although most people around me were having children at the same age as me, a couple of friends had their children in their early 20’s and I kind of envy them now, we still have dependant children at home and they have ones that are are mostly grown up.

What age is the best? I'm going to say the Stone Age. There weren't money worries back then, and although you did have to worry about sabre tooth tigers etc there were domesticated dogs so that was a win. And you didn't have to pay nursery fees either.

It depends on the person. We had fertility issues and took us 5 years to conceive. DD was born when I was 34 and DS came along when i was 38. I would have loved children younger and I'm very self-cinscious about my age as I'm always being reminded that I'm an older mum, but everyone's circumstances are different

People saying they provided for their baby at 18, that’s fine , but I think the general idea is at 18 you havent usually built up savings and worked your way up the career ladder to a higher salary. This might still be the case at 30 but it is much more likely at 18.

I had a child at nearly 20 and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I’ve had my second child at nearly 30 and you can’t even compare the 2 experiences, different in every way, everything is so much easier for me now. I finally feel like an adult, I enjoy spending time alone with the baby (and my older child) , I’m happy missing out on certain social events, money is a lot better, everyone around me has babies so it’s less isolating, im far more maternal than I was 10 years ago, I’m further along in my career so have a more well paid and flexible job.

I think it entirely depends on your circumstances and mind set, but I would say wait until you are closer to 30 and have lived your adult life without any dependants for a while.

One thing that nobody mentions is that infertility can affect any age group. As women, we are told you can have it all. Many people wait until they feel in a good place financially and then find out they can’t have kids.

we see celebrities having babies later and later but they have money to spend on treatments etc and their health.

there is no perfect time but if you get to a certain age then the options to assist fertility may not exist for your age group and time is not on your side to save up.

I’ve lost 2 babies and now 46 so am still hopeful but realistically it’s not gonna happen and it hurts every month. But then I’m grateful I got my period as it means I am
not in menopause yet

I think there are benefits and drawbacks of having kids at almost any age (within reason). My OH is 10 years older than me and we didn't meet until I was 30 and he was 40. We could have had kids quickly but neither of us was in a massive rush. We had DC1 when I was 36 and DC 2 when I was 39. I can see how down the line I might think it would be better to be a bit younger (ie. perhaps if they have kids of their own, we'll be quite old GPs) but you never know what life holds in store and me and my DP had a wonderful time together pre-children. I wouldn't change it.

I've been on both sides, I had my oldest at aged 19 with no clue what I was doing and was still very immature and unable to cope with the demands of a baby and relied heavily on my family for help, had my youngest almost 8 months ago at aged 35 and honestly it's been a lot easier and I have a lot more patience and can cope better ( I have 4 children altogether) in my experience and opinion I have felt much more capable at 35 than I did when I was younger with my other children

There isn't really an ideal time for everyone, it will be personal.
But also worth bearing in mind that some people don't get to choose when they have their children.
I think the average age is in 30s now, I had my first at 30 and will have my second at 33. My mum friend group I hang out with are in their 40s and had their first the same time as me. I don't think I personally know anyone who had their baby earlier than late 20s.
I think social and financial changes have meant less people feel as confident having children in their 20s than before.
I always thought I wanted to have 2 kids by the time I was 30. I met my partner at 23, married at 25 but we weren't ready relationship wise to have kids straight away which we would have needed to do to have 2 before 30. I think choosing a good partner is important, I wouldn't want to have kids with the wrong guy, its not always easy to know in advance but I definitely think giving yourself time to be sure helps.
Also, financially I was prepared because we started saving as soon as we got married for a house, then continued to save for children after that, but I really wanted kids and worry about money a lot so didn't want to be held back by financial concerns.

33 and 36. Ideally maybe 30/33 or 31/34 to have a bit more energy but I wouldn't have wanted to before 30. I'm also earlier than most of my friends which is a bit annoying as they don't always get how hard it is to juggle social life around kids.

My Mum had me in her 20s and I'm the oldest so I've really benefited from having a reasonably young active grandparent helping out. Often an overlooked factor!

I think early - late 30’s. I was 30, 32 and 36. With hindsight I was a little young and should have done 32,34,36. Would happily have felt comfortable having babies up until about 42/43 and then might have felt a bit too old