Good age to be parents?

[ploshbug]

Just curious, what do you think is a good age to have children?
Parents who had children at a younger age - what do you enjoy/regret?
Parents who had children at an older age - same thing, what do you enjoy/regret?
How do you know you're ready to have children?
Also I think financial security is important, but parents, how important exactly is it?
Thanks!

Dc1 at 25 and 2 at 29. Would've had second earlier but had hyperemesis first time and we have nobody to help nearby so waited until eldest was a bit more manageable.

I never planned an age tbh but I met dh at 19, got married at 23 so it felt right. We weren't rich but had our own house etc.

They're teenagers now and I'm early 40s and can't imagine having little ones!

TBH I can't really have an opinion as i did find the right guy, although our profiles (above-57 and 60 when he became a father) did not fit the 'accepted' view society holds and we have been judged every goddamned way.

FWIW- If biological time is running out, I would think it is preferable to have a baby with a sperm donor rather than a Mr not right. Mr Not rights too often throw complexities in the way and it might be easier to go it alone.

@MookieCat I don't judge sperm donor mums, but this would not be for me. I would rather not have a baby than go into it as a completely single parent. Co-parenting with a decent guy who would make a good father doesn't seem like the most disastrous thing, but I could be being naive, of course.

There’s no right answer. Conversely to first poster @Ankhmo , I was 25 and everyone else was 30+. Was fine though, in fact it was the best time of my life so far I think. 10 years later I am loving the surprise on people’s faces when they learn I have a 10 year old (comes up a lot at the moment).

I had my last at 32 and did not recover as well but that’s probably a third child thing not a maternal age thing.

I think people who don’t have children young sometimes can’t understand being a young parent. Yes there are challenges but there is also that having a baby in your 30s.

Its a challenge no matter what age we are.
But i would never look down nose at a younger mother.

Had my first at 36, second at 40. Now mid 40s, absolutely knackered ( and trying to work full time ). I wouldn't wait as long as we did, maybe 30 would be a good age to start if you wanted more than one? We wanted to travel, get married and buy a home first.

@Coconutter24 I don't look down or think anything bad about very young parents! But I suppose as a parent of young adults I want them to do other things first- because that's how my life went and I can't help thinking that's the best way! But, hypocritically, I'd love a grandchild.🤣

I know 2 totally lone mothers from the get go - one from an ONS and never seen him again, and one who did IVF solo with a donor. From the outside it looks FAR more straightforward than going through a break up and having to co parent. Crucially these women have a support system - parents, siblings, friends - but having the full weight of parental responsibility on one person must be very heavy. But again, no one to combat either! Goes without saying they both really did want a child, rather than continue child free.

I had my daughter at 38, my partner 45. It wasn't a choice, I would have had children in my early 30s if I had met the right person earlier. My partner has, interestingly, done both as he also has grown up boys from his first marriage which he had in his 20s. So I should really ask him!

There has been benefits of being an older mum. We are financially in a healthy place. I work part-time out of choice instead of financial need. I feel like we're more laid-back, less stressed parents compared to my younger friends. But maybe we just don't have the energy to stress about things anymore haha I did my care-free, responsibility-free traveling, studying, trips and nights out during my 20s and 30s when I had my energy and my youth and I loved it. But I wouldn't love it in the same way in my 40s so I'm absolutely fine about spending most nights in with a small child now.

The downside is that menopause and teenage years will hit at the same time in our household. My poor partner. And I guess I am anxious about us not being there for her as long as we would have had we had her younger. And being an older grandmother if she ever has children. That sort of stuff makes me sad.

I would say 28-35 is ideal, being finished by 35.
However life isn't always ideal.

Had mine at 33 and 36. Definitely wouldn't have had them any earlier. Had a fabulous time travelling etc in my 20s and early 30s. I do wonder if I would be less tired if I had them younger.

I'm currently 38 and they are almost 5 and 15 months x

My experience as someone who became a mum at 16 is the first few years were a struggle but we've worked very hard saving for a deposit and just bought a decent sized house. I echo what others said about the man you choose being more important than your age.
I know plenty of parents decades older than myself who were evicted and had to find a new place within a couple of months or they just live in trailers or hotel rooms with the kids. In this economy it could happen to anyone.
A relative just bought a house in her late thirties and has sadly found out she is infertile. Sadly if you wait till it's perfect you may miss the boat.

I don't look down or think anything bad about very young parents!

I would never look down on a young parent, I had my first when I was 21. As a parent to teens approaching that age I would always hope they would get their life and career sorted first, stable relationship then think about babies.

I was 25 when we had our first. That was good for us -we'd both graduated, qualified in our professions, got married and bought a house. I'm glad we did it like that-it worked well for us, we had plenty of energy and we now are in our 40s with kids in their 20s. I have similar-aged friends with much younger children and they look shattered!

Any time in your 20s. My absolute cut off would be 34, I wouldn't want to be any older than that personally. But it's completely up to the person having the children.

i was 28 with my first and i was classed as geriatric! how the hell can someone be classed as too old for a baby at 28! i was 32 with my 2nd, not by choice but circumstance!

nowadays, people are waiting until their 30's and im sure they don't get the geriatric label!

until 28 i didn't want children, but was told i was starting early menopause, and that it was something i needed to consider sooner rather than later..

I had my first baby at 24.

We had been together for 5 years, were settled into good careers after university and had bought a house the previous year, which was much easier to do back then.

I had our second baby at 29.

We’re mid 40s now with a 21 year old and 16 year old. It’s worked out well for us and I’m glad we were ‘younger’ parents. I can’t imagine my 21 year old being a parent in 3 years time though, but things are much tougher now imo.

I think the most important things are having the right partner having been together long enough to really know them and being financially stable. We’ve had very little stress in our lives due to having those 2 things.

I had my only at 19. Looking back, I do question how we did it 😅 but I wouldn't change a thing. She's watched DH and I finish uni (and do multiple post grads), go through the starts of our careers etc - and I think that has been a positive influence on her. Our relationship is fantastic, we're broke but that's due to health problems now rather than being young parents. She'll be 11 soon, which feels crazy to say.

Had two in my 20s, and two in my 30s. Much easier in my 20s.

@LunaLove1 - Me 2. Pregnant at 18, we both worked full-time (still do) and we are still together and still able to provide for our DC just fine.
Cheers to the young mums xx

We had our daughter ten years ago when when I was 35. I do sometimes wish I had been a bit younger because we’ve struggled with fertility issues and been unable to conceive a second child probably due to age.
That said, it took me time to meet the right person and we didn’t marry till I was 31. Perhaps we should have tried for children right away.
Financial security, being in a stable relationship, career stability and having a nice spacious house were all important to us.

Had mine in my early 20’s and don’t regret it. Their father (my husband)left when they were 1 and 3 and I was left to raise them alone. Babies and young kids aren’t expensive to raise (childcare aside) but older kids and teenagers are infinitely more expensive IMO. it worked this way as in the early days I had lower paid jobs that didn’t require as much childcare and now they are older and independent I have a much better paying job (with - hopefully - an even better paying one in the future). I couldn’t have done this job when they were small as a single parent because nowhere would offer the childcare I need … varying shifts from 3am-2am 7 days a week.
having more money and freedom now is definitely better for m and my kids.

I was 39 with DD and 40 with DS. Might’ve done it a couple of years earlier but that’s life. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted it in my 20s. Both my pregnancies were textbook, but of course I worried about risks. I don’t think there’s a right time, but physically I’m guessing it is more tiring at my age. In terms of finances and just the wisdom that comes with being older, I feel it’s worth it to wait a bit if you can. I also do have the energy to parent just like anyone else younger than me would, but I maybe don’t need as much in the tank for other stuff like building my career (done!) or thriving social life (dead!) 😂

I've had 3, my first at 21, 2nd at 24 and 3rd at 30. 3rd has been the easiest but I'm not sure if that's to do with age or just gaining more experience over the years. I definitely think I have more patience now and feel more settled in life so would say 28-30ish would be perfect timing x