Good age to be parents?

[ploshbug]

Just curious, what do you think is a good age to have children?
Parents who had children at a younger age - what do you enjoy/regret?
Parents who had children at an older age - same thing, what do you enjoy/regret?
How do you know you're ready to have children?
Also I think financial security is important, but parents, how important exactly is it?
Thanks!

I was 30s when DD came along.
Almost 12 years ago now... Blimey.

I'll be honest, I felt old... I went to baby groups and clubs and things and everyone else was 20/25 and they all had little chats about the modern things that I didn't get the references of.

I think the perfect age and perfect financial situation doesn't really exist for the average person. You could be waiting to get perfection forever and end up not having a child. iyswim.

If I could re do my life, I think I'd try and have kids when all my friends were having them so that I didn't feel so alone with it all. Most of my friends had theirs around 20 and their kids are all grown up now and moving out. I'm the only 45 year old I know with an under 20year old kid.... But I don't know many people tbf.

So yeah..
Perfect age? No idea..
Perfect financial situation? God knows.

Just do it? Yes.. figure the rest out later..

#sohelpful 🤣

Whatever works for the individual, that's the right age.

There isn't a set path through life, financially, practically or emotionally. We're all just making it up as we go along.

For us it wasn’t a case so much of there being a perfect age but rather being in the best possible position.

We’re in our 20’s with a 10 month old and for us we were never aiming for “I want a baby by X age” but rather we wanted a baby once we were in the best position to have one. For us personally that meant being married, both having good stable jobs (mine with a good maternity leave package and plenty of options for flexibility for after maternity leave), having bought a house and got settled there, having a good amount of savings behind us for maternity leave as well as the usual emergency savings so that we didn’t have to worry about finances on top of pregnancy/new baby life.

Thank you for sharing, that's such a wise answer. I think having a child in your 30s is so reasonable and that's what I was planning too, and I thought that was the norm!

I had my kids 30-35 which I think is one of the most common times. I do think when you are quite young you are maturing and possibly not in the best place to make life long decisions. Lots of evidence brain doesn’t mature fully till 25 so would certainly encourage my children to wait until at least then. Obviously once you get older fertility decreases and increased risk of defects.

I’m sure I read somewhere that physically you are better to have kids at 18 though.

I had mine when I was 19 and wouldn’t change any of it. We effectively grew up together, I had tons of energy and had a laid back approach. Money was never a worry - Probably because everything was much cheaper.

I’m about to turn 35 and she will be 16 in the summer and we have so much fun together, our lives are easy, we both have independence. I think it was perfect for us.

I think if I’d waited until now it would be more of a struggle. I have already felt my hormones change a little, I’m more tired, I like to relax in bed at 8pm if I want to, I like to be able to have a day/night out and not have to worry about being back home for a little one.

Oh dear me, 18?!!?!? Who has the money for children at 18!

I'd say adulthood is the best time.

Other than that, it's personal choice. Some people will be absolutely shit parents at any age. The key thing is who you are, not what age you are.

I was mid 20s - great in some ways, more energy, conceived really quickly and pregnancy straightforward, but - we had no money! I was 10 years younger than anyone else in my post natal group, so I felt a bit 'different'. Nice now that they're in their teens and I'm only just 40. I do regret that we didn't travel more before having them - but I guess we can now, a bit more!

I don't think there is a perfect age tbh.

Oh I’m sorry do you only want answers from middle aged women who waited until they were knocking on 40?

As someone who was pregnant at 18 I worked full time and provided for her no problem.

I was 30 and 32 having my second and last I thought and still feel that was the best age for me I had enjoyed my 20s to myself and I certainly wasn't mentally ready in my 20s for children by time I was married end of my 20s I knew I wanted to have them in my early 30s in case I couldn't conceive naturally and I personally didn't want too be too old running around with little ones.
I have felt shattered now towards me late 30s with a 8 and 6 year old so I think had I had them any later I personally would be struggling.

I also selfishly think in another few years me and my DH will be able to have some us time back without relying or having to arrange for family to look after them for us to have a few hours out together.

Sorry, didn't mean it that way, it's just that I'm struggling in my 20s to provide for myself and am afraid I'll never earn enough to be in a place to have children

I had the money for children at 18. I was employed more than full time hours and in a relationship with a 20 year old who was employed full time. Odd to concentrate on the money part at 18 as that bit’s the easiest to solve.

I actually had a baby at 21 and I don’t think is change it. Maybe for me the ideal age is a little higher potentially. Maybe 24-28 as optimal? But I do think pregnancy and birth is much easier younger.

I had my first at 29, which in hindsight was too young for me. I had a lot of growing up still to do and we weren’t really financially stable either, although it all worked out eventually. I don’t really know what the perfect age is though, but I know I would feel sad for my daughters if they had children young. It does depend where you live and what your life goals are though, I suppose.

I was early 30s. I think 30 is probably the perfect age. You’ve had chance to have your youth and enjoy it with no ties, but are still plenty young enough to enjoy parenthood. Your DC are then young adults when you are in your late 40s/early 50s and by the time they might have DC you are around retirement age and can enjoy that and be available to help out.
All that is in an ideal world of course, real life often has other plans.

Ideally about 30 for a woman. But it's pretty individual. And based on a lot of outside circumstances so the ideal is pretty irrelevant.

Had mine in my early 30s. I'd say that was average; some mums at the baby groups were younger and some were older. Most were my age give or take 2-3 years.

If I had my time again I might have kids a little younger but not much. We were home owners with decent jobs by mid-20s so I think that would've been a good time. I have a few friends in their mid 40s / early 50s whose kids have all moved out to go to uni etc and they are able to enjoy their free time well - still young enough to be out and about and earning well to fund the holidays etc.

I was 37 when I had my first, 41 for my second. didn't want children before that- but when I did, I realised that I was financially secure and my career was at a natural break. I had also done a LOT of stuff, and was ready to be the SAHP I wanted to be. I never felt old, and as far as I know, I was never excluded from social groups or anything, although obviously I wouldn't have known if I was!

I had mine at 37 and 41. And I'm so so glad I did. I had the best life in my 20s and 30s, I travelled, I spent lots of unhurried time with friends, I had a job that I loved and a home that was my own sanctuary, quiet and tidy. I loved my life then and knew in my heart that having children then would have not been the right step for me.

Also, and possibly crucially, none of my friends were having children until their 30s at least so I didn't feel very out of the loop.

I met my DH at 34, and I knew we would have children (which, luckily we were able to). We were in no rush but I could feel that my life was changing and I was totally fine with it - it felt like the right time. Now I have 3 kids and I love it. I have never felt like I was very much older than other mums I met - most were within 3/4 years of me and that continues to be true as they've started school.

So really there's never a right time in terms of age, just in terms of where you are with your life. Have you done the big things you always wanted to? Have you gotten to a place with work where you'd be happy to stay if you decided to not progress for a few years?

Between 25-30 for first child I reckon. Just feels like the natural order of a things!
That's not to say that anything else is wrong or weird. Just do what suits your lifestyle

Had my first and only out of choice at 35 and if I'm honest my age didn't really play a part in it at all it was more about my financial situation and how my relationship was with my husband then fiancée. I worked out the country for weeks/months at a time in a very dangerous industry so I wanted to make sure I was financially sound because I knew I could never go back to that kind of work again after having my daughter.

I had my first at 35 and second at 37. Whilst DH and I wish we’d had them a little earlier, we’re glad we waited til we had the financial security we have now, and have fun memories of our 20s just being young and carefree.

For me it was also important to have reached a fairly senior position in my career first so that taking time out for maternity leave had less of an impact in terms of my prospects (in an ideal world this shouldn’t matter but sadly in the real world it’s still a factor, at least in my industry) and I had the job flexibility to balance work and mum life.

When you've found a decent man to have them with. If you don't meet him until you are 35 its pointless saying 25 us the right age. On the other hand, if you meet him in your teens/early 20s you will be ready sooner.

I had mine at 25/26. It was right for us. I

I would say early 30s. I had my second at 35. I had the most energy and stamina in my 30s and my ability to stay awake at night somewhat diminished in my 40s.

I had my twins at 23.

I had already been told O was likely to have difficulties conceiving and if I wanted children to do so asap.

Obviously that doesn't apply to most people.

My ExH has now had his third child with his second wife and he is 50. I think he does feel a little older!