Good age to be parents?

[ploshbug]

Just curious, what do you think is a good age to have children?
Parents who had children at a younger age - what do you enjoy/regret?
Parents who had children at an older age - same thing, what do you enjoy/regret?
How do you know you're ready to have children?
Also I think financial security is important, but parents, how important exactly is it?
Thanks!

That's true, it's not really about age, just like with most things/situations in life isn't it? At the end of the day it's about perspective, decisions and actions taken.
Thanks so much for sharing.

I had my first at 16. Probably considered terrible by most people but it's worked out alright for me. I wouldn't want to have children past 30 personally

100% Agree with the posters who say that the most important thing is the man you choose to have your children with! The 2 people i dated in my 20's turned out to be absolute dick heads! I didn't think that at the time but now i have matured I thank my lucky stars that I didnt have a baby with either of them! I met my now husband a few days before i turned 30 - we had years of just us 2, we got married, bought a house and then had a baby! I was 39 - but he is the most amazing dad and I hope we have another baby at some point!

Sometimes women have the right partner for years but as soon as a baby pops up it can turn tits up.
I think it can happen at any stage in life with men.

I was married at 32, DC1 at 35, DC2 at 38.

In an ideal world if I could have my time again I would do it all about 2 years before. Marry about 30, 1st baby at 32, second about 34. Took far longer to conceive than I thought so that was a 3 year delay.

I had my kids young , if I had my time again I would hold out to my early 30's, I don't really get it when people say have your kids young because you will always worry about them whether they are children or adults so maybe a little more me time with no one else to worry about when I was in my 20's

I had my first child at 20 and my second at 31. Early thirties felt perfect. I'm more confident, financially much more secure and generally a different person these days than I was back then. I actually feel sad for my 20 year old self. I had no idea what I was letting myself in for and felt completely and utterly lost (albeit less tired!). Just my personal experience though!

Most 18, 21 yrs olds aren't on the housing ladder so it's not offensive to question financials. It's easier to get your first property before dc.

@Twins3007 that's how I feel. The anxiety from dc is off the scale, I can't imagine never not worrying.

People do it but I think the key word there is ‘physically’

I know what you mean, thank you, but it's true I spoke too soon and am starting to realise maybe the age factor is a lot less affective than I thought.

I was 31 & 35 when I had my DDs. For me that was perfect.

I'd had a wonderfully selfish and fun 20s but still felt like I had plenty of energy in the baby/ toddler stage.

A friend of ours is about to have his first (early 50s) and I don't think I could do the baby thing now.

I had mine at 35 and 36. I was about the same age as most of my friends having kids, which was nice.

The good parts:

Being financially stable and a homeowner
Being senior enough in my career to arrange my working hours the way I want
Not caring too much about what other people think about my parenting decisions
Had lots of fun before having kids
In a very stable, long-term marriage
Can afford pretty much anything I want to buy for my kids

The bad parts:

Took me a while to have first baby
Will get 10 years less time with them than someone who had kids at 25

Yes we can do it im proff of that from being skint and living on benefits in a mum and baby unit in the uk to living in thailand with a good job.
Its how we deal with it do we sit and cry and moan or do we make something happen and change it.
I made my bed and my choice to keep my son so i got on with it.

Had my first at 41. It is what it is, but younger would have been better. You want your child to have active grandparents, cousins a similar age; you want to still be in your prime when they are sailing the very choppiest waters, which by the sounds of it is young adulthood; you want to have realistic hopes of living long enough so that any grandchildren remember you. You want your child to remember you as still pretty.
But there are so many ducks to line up these days.
I know of some people who were more wary of having children due to the possibility of climate breakdown, honestly, I think Trump dismantling the rules-based world order would be giving me great pause right now!

My first cycle of IVF I was 23 - we were ready! 6 cycles and many thousands of pounds later we finally became parents when I was 28! Either 23, 28 or anything inbetween would have been good timing for us!

I had mine at 27. For me that was perfect, had a house, good career, married. Now I'm 42 with a 14 year old. I'll be 46 when she's off to uni. I'm looking forward to going to far flung places in term time :-)

I was the youngest of my friends. A few of them have toddlers and I think no way would I personally want to be toilet training and dealing with tantrums.

I don't feel I missed out at all. I'd been to uni twice, lived abroad, travelled etc. everyone is different though. There's often not the right time.

We had our 3 between the ages of 26-30. We had done some travelling/working abroad etc so dont feel we missed out on the fun twenties. When our youngest is 20 and a bit more independent either at uni or working we will be 50 and so hopefully healthy enough to enjoy our fifties and plan for retirement a bit more.

I had child between 30-35 which seems pretty average.
Had career going and married. But certainly not wealthy.
There is never a perfect time and fertility ( especially female) decreases with age. So although some may be having babies in late 40's remember that will likely be a donor egg. So not even their DNA.
Biologically probably mid 20's is best, 30's is probably ideal as biology still on your side but usually more stable career relationship etc.
40's you are pushing your luck, risks higher, fertility lower etc.

Not me that’s for sure. It’s a physical thing your body bounces back, lowest chance of genetic defects. I’d advise my own children to wait, career, qualifications, travel, home ownership. I think you are massively different at 25 compared to 18 and I don’t think many relationships last at that age. There are obviously exceptions and some people will do brilliantly as young parents.

I had one at 21 and one at 31 ....

At 21 it was tough because all my friends were still single & going out etc - I had no childcare help from my parents and I was on benefits.
My parents had kicked me out and I was alone, private rented and on maternity leave then onto benefits until she was 5 and went to full time school so I could go back to work.
I feel like I grew up alongside my child; we had a great time and I love her but looking back I would have waited a bit - especially for the right man. He cheated and there was DV whilst I was pregnant so I had to leave for both our sakes.

At 31 - I still had no childcare help lol - but I have gone back to university to get my dream career as my previous one wasn't making me happy or enough money anymore.
I'm a lot more tired now than I was with the first one; but I'm a lot more confident in my choices for my child & have a lot more financial stability now as I saved from working the previous years.
This time the "father" packed up his belongings and left our house after I told him I was pregnant (after actively trying) so I've been doing it alone since pregnancy.

Financial security is subjective - what is secure to someone is different for airline else. Both times I had a job with savings and then my situation changed.

I had mine at 35 and 38. To be honest, I wish I'd had them in my late 20s. I'm now 50 with a teenager and an almost teenager and it's a bit of a slog navigating the teenage years when I'm perimenopausal. It also coincides with having frail and elderly parents so life most definitely feels full on - menopause, teenagers, parents struggling.
I wish I'd had them earlier so I had more time with them, so my parents had more time with them, so they'd have been fully grown by the time I'm in my menopausal years, so I'd have been younger and more energetic. I felt fresh as a daisy in my 30s when I had them but fast forward 1o years and it's a different story.

I was a student then postdocing and moving around the country for short term contracts in my 20s so was nowhere near being ready to have kids. We weren't married, or settled in permanent jobs or in a house we owned until our mid 30s. We had 3 DC at 36, 38 and 41 (DH andI are the same age). Pregnant first month of trying each time, still having periods 18 years later in my mid 50s. Being older than average and financially comfortable helped a lot, we live a long way from our families and could pay for childcare and for help round the house. Our relationship was very solid and we'd already done lots of travelling and going out etc.

FWIW there is no perfect time that suits everyone beyond 'while you are a fertile adult'. The most important thing is to be in a solid relationship with someone who is engaged in having a family and will work with you to raise them. That hopefully will happen somewhere between 25 and 40.

you do realise ‘Middle Aged woman knocking on 40’ often don’t choose to have children at that age. Rude.

Honestly, it’s so contextual. If you looked at my NCT group which ranged from mid 20s to early 40s and only went by age, then the youngest parents were bossing it. They were also the only ones with free childcare on tap and were financially assisted in other ways. There’s no perfect age, circumstance, or context, it’s how you respond to the challenge that matters.