DD taken into school kicking and screaming

[Elaine400]

Don’t know what to do. DD (6, in year 1) has always been wobbly going into school. She is fine in the mornings before school, she is fine walking to school, then the moment we get to the school gates she gets upset when I have to go. A teacher always has to hold her hand to walk her in whilst she’s crying and it breaks my heart. This morning however was a whole different level, she would not let go of me and after ten minutes of trying to get her to go in nicely and reassuringly, a teacher had to peel her off whilst I just had to walk away whilst she was screaming mummy and when I glanced back she was literally trying to get away from the teacher kicking and screaming. Made me burst into tears as just felt so unnatural walking away.
I just don’t know how is best to handle it. Tried asking her to draw a picture for me today of me and her to distract her, tried reassuring her that I’ll be there straight away at pick up, that it was only the weekend in 2 days, that I love her very very much etc.
Also she’s absolutely fine once she’s in, she enjoys learning and she has friends she gets on with well. No issues at home either she’s normally good as gold and the teachers always say how well behaved she is - they actually sit her next to the children who struggle to concentrate as ‘she’s a good influence!’. It’s just the separating from me in the morning, and it’s getting worse and worse ☹️

Agree but it doesn't help when the well-behaved children are dismissed. What's the point of speaking up if nothing changes?

My DD has a child that has relentlessly bullied her over years. She does cope (and doesn't want to move schools) because the other children don't particularly like this child either and DD has lots of other friends. Each individual thing is small - saying she 'smells', saying she can't sit somewhere or doesn't know how to do something or is stupid. But cumulatively they have at times made a very difficult school environment and at times my child has come home crying from school because of it.

She is a 'good child' whose behaviour is always complimented. Whenever she complains about this child the school staff say 'oh, just ignore her'. Which I've written to the school about several times, but it keeps happening. It infuriates me that because she's good she gets less attention and is left to internalise her feelings whereas if she had a massive tantrum every time this child was horrible to her, THEN they'd act.

My child WILL speak up and is slowly having it crushed out of her by school staff and has said 'what's the point' and I've relayed this to the school and get assurances things will change, but they haven't yet. I get they're busy but it's just not good enough. They know this child is a problem and she does get away with behaviours other children would not.

They've done things like offered DD a little diary to write down the problems she's having, which did help a bit but is a poor substitute for the adults actually acting to protect her.

@Ginnyweasleyswand I could talk all day about quiet kids in school! I was/am quiet. I won't speak unless I have something to say. My teachers thought I was dim and told my parents to stop doing my homework for me. Another teacher put I fluked test results. Every time there was independent testing the school would be amazed that I was top of the class but it was soon forgotten. I have had a life time of imposter syndrome.

It's pushing me out of my comfort zone to promote her needs and not overly surprised that it can be an uphill battle getting schools to recognise needs and issues with quiet students!

That sounds like a really positive step OP to get these little worries sorted out. Hopefully she might start being a little happier going in.

Maybe teacher could make sure she’s settled with a little friend on the carpet every morning or something along those lines to make the transition even smoother if she’s still feeling sad at drop off.

Keep that dialogue open - that problem with the other child pulling her hair - it’s really good she’s told you and now teacher can sort it but also perhaps talk about what she can do Immediately at school to help the situation. Maybe something like saying ‘stop I don’t like that!’ And practise saying it assertively at home. If that doesn’t work talk about how she needs to go to an adult at school and they can help straight away.

@Fridgetapas I'm sure you mean well but please don't dismiss the OPs concerns and her DDs extreme anxiety response as 'little worries'.

OP your DD is displaying extreme anxiety. The same behaviour might have been nipped in the bud by direct communication or by telling a teacher but it wasn't. It went on for some time unrecognised. Until your DDs behaviour was extreme. And you sat her down and questioned deeply. And then communicated with the school It is still not resolved and you don't know what the future holds.

This may be the end of a trivial matter or it may be the start.

If she finds it difficult to speak to a teacher/TA about a problem, would it be possible as an interim measure to set up a non-verbal signal with them? Something like a 2-sided green/red card on her desk, perhaps, that she could turn over when something's not OK.

My sincere sympathy, we've been through similar, and the school always said she was "fine".

I agree. I have know school refusers and when you get them to talk, the stress of the classroom is often mentioned. People chatting when they're trying to concentrate etc.

She might need moving to be with a more supportive partner.

This could be a solution @Elaine400 My son enjoyed reception and y1 but year 2 struggled. Refused to enter class. It was hard. Going in with friends help. We also had lots of calm discussions about his fears and concerns. It's been improving since (and he was definitely less clingy when dad dropped him off).
This too shall pass. Just keep offering lots of assurance

I don't think this is mega unusual to be honest.
My daughter was exactly the same. Had to be dragged off me. She grew out of it eventually. It's so stressful though for you, I remember it well.

My advice would be to not make it in to a massive deal. Just ride it out and it'll eventually get better. Your kid just prefers your company because you're obviously a lovely mum, that's understandable! 😊