Assault/suspension/trans child

[Stressedgiraffe]

I need some outside views.
My ds was suspended.
These care the facts

Incident 1 - AM T and two of his friends were taking shelter from the rain during morning break.

They were accosted by a large group of year 7 girls who were making derogatory slurs, being intimidating and making threats.

A girl said "Why are you wearing that hat, you freak". T replied, "It's raining".

At this point t took out his phone. The girl then said words along the lines of "why are you taking photos of me T**y" and other threats and slurs

The girl then punched down on to T's collar bone leaving a mark and broken skin while using hate speech term for a protected characteristic Ty

T's responded defensively with a partially closed hand push to the girls lower left jaw.

At this point friends took T to Ace, where he had to wait 10 minutes or more to be seen by a teacher She appeared to be already aware of the incident and sent T to ISR.

There appears to be little attempt to corroborate the incident from T and friends Rather relying on the words of a much larger group who were being intimidating to a marginalised and minority protected characteristic.

Incident 2 - PM
On attempting to leave at the end of the school day , T And friends were accosted again just prior to the school gate. A mixed age group of girls with what appears to be a sixth former participating.

One girl lunged at T pulling his hat and hair. The hat fell into a muddy puddle. This hat is very new and a comfort gift to T from his mother.

As T went to retrieve the hat from the puddle, the girl attempted to grab it as well, this action of her's caused her to hit into T's left hand where he was holding his phone.

The girl then proceeded to shout. "Did you see that SHE hit me" repeatedly.

The group then broke into two, with the Sixth Former and several other following T and his friends making threats and using derogatory hate speech.

His friends took him to where his mother was parked and asked that T get a lift as he was afraid for tanks safety and this group as around 5 meters from hid friends mothers car.

Friend's mother then drove him home.

As you can see from the two incidents, these were NOT initiated by T also there appears to be little in the way of quizzing his friends about their version of events, rather relying on others words.

This is deeply concerning, especially as T is physically small and continues to receive hate speech and intimidation whilst at High School as well as receiving harassment and threats whilst on school grounds.

They are threatening to exclude him. Wtf do we do?

I don’t know what a comfort gift or the school specific acronyms mean.

How did this threat of exclusion come about? What do the school think has happened?

I'm sorry but I'm struggling to understand any of what you have written.

Another things that never happened

They think my 5ft 15 year old is a threat.
They are tiny and bullied being trans.

Is he the only one being threatened with exclusion?

He hit someone so does need some form of punishment but others also need to be punished (and possibly reported to the police for hate speech)

I would send direct email to year head outlining all off the points above and asking them to investigate further , poor DS- this sounds dreadful

If you’re in fights, you get punished. Who started it doesn’t mean the other person isn’t punished.

I’m not sure I understood all of that, but I think you should contact the school to discuss it.

He was hit first. Bruised collar bone. He retaliated and hit the girl.
He is the only one punished.
He is ftm trans autistic and adhd.
The school blames him

Can’t understand anything you’ve written. What is Ty? If your 15- year old male child is hitting year 7 girls….then yeah he should be excluded.

I just wanted to come here and say that I am so sorry that you and your son are experiencing this. No child deserves to be bullied and made to feel this way. I was bullied in school and I know the impact it had on my emotional wellbeing. My partner is a trans man and I'd be happy to share resources for help and support where I can - but to be clear I won't share advice or opinions because I can't speak on those as I'm not trans and only know how my partner experiences life, not every trans person. I'd absolutely raise this with the senior leadership team at school and highlight your concerns that 1) he is being bullied and 2) the bullying is specifically regarding a protected characteristic and your son is being discriminated against. If that fails, please do take it higher (local authority) or Ofsted as it's not acceptable and your son deserves to be safe in school.

@Random133 thank you so much for getting it.

If your child is being picked on and bullied, then raise it. Don’t raise the suspension, as that’s already over.

Work with Ty on resilience- if the other kid is a jerk, that’s not about Ty it’s about the other kid.

You can’t require other people to use the pronouns you want.

It’s unhelpful to refer to your child as a boy, because a 15yr old boy hitting a much younger girl is going to be perceived very differently from a 15 yr old girl hitting a younger girl.

So actually a y10/11 female child who is being bullied? It does sound pretty dreadful & it needs sorted asap.

Bullet point it all & send to HOY, in the first instance.

Remove any references to the hat being a 'comfort gift' - school can't be expected to calibrate the sentimental heft of random hats.

Is this a girls school?

I would take the slurs etc out of it when describing the violence just so you get that bit clear. You can then add it back in but I think it would make the explanation about what happened clearer

have you asked the friends to note down what happened? Have you got a meeting with school to discuss?

I think you may have put your child's assumed name in your post?

Obviously you are going to see this from the perspective of your child. The school should be gathering objective information. The fact that your child physically responded may still be sanctioned even if they didn't start it.

I think Ty is short for a shortening of the word transvestite which is considered a slur.

This.

You need to talk to the school so they are aware of the bullying and can deal with it, take photos of where T has been hurt if you haven't already and email them to the school explaining that T was hit first and reacted in self defence. But you need to drop all the 'push to the lower jaw' and 'hit into T's left hand' as it sounds completely unbelievable. I think you need to look at T's behaviour as well so they can learn how to handle this sort of situation correctly rather than potentially escalate it by lashing out.

I've spoken to the school. They are more worried about a y7 being hit. Then a smaller y10 who is ftm trans who was hit first.. They are taking about permanently excluding as they find it too much to deal with. T is 5ft size 2 tiny. And the hate speech they are brushing under the carpet.

Your wording "partially closed hand push" when you really meant "hit" suggests to me that you are minimising your child's involvement in this incident. However, there is no excuse for bullying and I'm sorry that your child is experiencing this. It sounds like they are in a difficult place with their identity and ND issued. I assume you are aware that the proportion of girls with ASD and ADHD identifying as boys is very, very concerning?

Is this a girls' school?

partially closed hand push to the girls lower left jaw.

So a punch in the face?

This jumped out at me too.

It was a punch on the jaw. It may have been well deserved but it was still a punch on the jaw.

Most confusing post of the year. Get rid of the daft acronyms and people might be able to understand what you’re on about

Sorry. He punched the girl after she punched him. She had a red mark no bruises he has broken skin and extensive bruising