Assault/suspension/trans child

[Stressedgiraffe]

I need some outside views.
My ds was suspended.
These care the facts

Incident 1 - AM T and two of his friends were taking shelter from the rain during morning break.

They were accosted by a large group of year 7 girls who were making derogatory slurs, being intimidating and making threats.

A girl said "Why are you wearing that hat, you freak". T replied, "It's raining".

At this point t took out his phone. The girl then said words along the lines of "why are you taking photos of me T**y" and other threats and slurs

The girl then punched down on to T's collar bone leaving a mark and broken skin while using hate speech term for a protected characteristic Ty

T's responded defensively with a partially closed hand push to the girls lower left jaw.

At this point friends took T to Ace, where he had to wait 10 minutes or more to be seen by a teacher She appeared to be already aware of the incident and sent T to ISR.

There appears to be little attempt to corroborate the incident from T and friends Rather relying on the words of a much larger group who were being intimidating to a marginalised and minority protected characteristic.

Incident 2 - PM
On attempting to leave at the end of the school day , T And friends were accosted again just prior to the school gate. A mixed age group of girls with what appears to be a sixth former participating.

One girl lunged at T pulling his hat and hair. The hat fell into a muddy puddle. This hat is very new and a comfort gift to T from his mother.

As T went to retrieve the hat from the puddle, the girl attempted to grab it as well, this action of her's caused her to hit into T's left hand where he was holding his phone.

The girl then proceeded to shout. "Did you see that SHE hit me" repeatedly.

The group then broke into two, with the Sixth Former and several other following T and his friends making threats and using derogatory hate speech.

His friends took him to where his mother was parked and asked that T get a lift as he was afraid for tanks safety and this group as around 5 meters from hid friends mothers car.

Friend's mother then drove him home.

As you can see from the two incidents, these were NOT initiated by T also there appears to be little in the way of quizzing his friends about their version of events, rather relying on others words.

This is deeply concerning, especially as T is physically small and continues to receive hate speech and intimidation whilst at High School as well as receiving harassment and threats whilst on school grounds.

They are threatening to exclude him. Wtf do we do?

And the hate speech they are brushing under the carpet.

Teenagers say horrible things to each other sometimes.

Is it a girls school?

Why do you keep mentioning their size? It’s not relevant. Shades of ‘how could a tiny woman hurt a big man’ excuse-making.

No it's a mixed school

The reality is (and it wasn't clear in your OP) that your year 10 child hit a year 7 pupil. The age difference matters.

Your child may be smallish but that's a pretty normal height for a female teenager, not 'tiny'. And it sounds like T hit two other pupils in one day, one of them considerably younger.

I have an autistic child of my own and can sympathise with the parental blinkers, but babying them doesn't help.

Having said that, the jeering and mocking sounds awful. I'm not surprised s/he reacted; the other kids probably know all the right buttons to push.

Would a managed move be an option for your DC? Depending upon how their ASC impacts them, could a new start away from bullies be an improvement?

Regardless, of bullying and provocation, do you think a year 10 child, hitting a year 7 child - even in self defence - is acceptable?

This is a really ignorant view to have and it's so disappointing to see adults in 2024 who still feel the need to invalidate others to get off. What business do you have in dictating what a child, whom you don't know, feels? Perhaps if you were more open minded you'd understand how crippling and mentally debilitating it feels to be trapped in a body that doesn't fit what you feel and experience internally, only to then have grown adults make assumptions and ignorant remarks about you. This boy is being bullied, physically hurt and made to feel unsafe in an environment where he should be entirely safe. How would you feel if your own child, or someone you love deeply, was treated like this?

Regardless of sex/gender your 15 year old hit an 11ish year old? Of course they should be punished.

I also think the other child should be punished for being a nasty bully.

And 5ft isn't that tiny. I'm way older than 15 and only 5ft1.

Tbh regardless of the provocation and relative size of the kids, a year 10 kid punching a year 7 kid in the face is pretty serious. Clearly the bullying of your child needs addressing, but that sort of violence must be punished.

No one should be bullying or hitting anyone.

The school should be ensuring everyone is safe at school.

Your understanding of how protected characteristics works is off. There is no hierarchy of rights and the Equality Act deals with e.g. employment equality and denial of services.

I understand hitting a y7 is bad but he was hit first so it was self defence. There were 20 year 7 s against 3 y10s .who were all scared physically and verbally threatened.

Agree - disgusting comment

So you have a daughter who is now saying she's male? Plus you give her comfort hats to wear to school? You're really not doing your child any favours

Your 15 year daughter hit an 11 year old girl … is that right? She should be punished and so should the bullying 11 year old. Easy.

This is a genuine question, but if T was a boy at birth and was being bullied about anything else and did this, how would you feel about it? If T did this before they transitioned, how would you feel about it? Do you feel differently about the bullying and the outcome because T is trans?

Yeah, I don't necessarily think the age matters more than the associated order of events. There are some extremely aggressive year 7s in my child's school that would have a go at intimidating an adult. And it was self-defence as you stated.

But it also sounds like they are threatening exclusion so everyone is aware all violence is not tolerated. Do you think they will follow through? Seems like they'd have to exclude everyone.

The focus is (and I think should be) the age difference. It sounds awful though. How is your young person now?

T's responded defensively with a partially closed hand push to the girls lower left jaw.

So your year 10 child punched a year 7 child in the jaw and you don’t understand why the school have reacted this way? Also totally irrelevant how tall they are! ‘Hate speech’ and ‘comfort hats’…..🙄

The year 7s should have bullied T. T is year 10 (age is relevant but height is not here). T has hit an 11/12 year old. This is also unacceptable but I understand was a retaliation. All children involved need to receive consequences for their actions, particularly the year 7s for instigating the situation. Bullying for any reason is not ok. Hitting little kids and justifying it because you’re only 5 foot 2 at 14/15 is also not ok.

Your child hit a year seven in the face! It's totally inappropriate to keep excusing that. You need to teach them that whatever their gender, or neurodiversity, they are still accountable for their actions. Violence - especially towards a younger child - is unacceptable.

It's no wonder they think they can behave like this when you're making excuses and minimising what they've done. Learn to advocate for them with regard to bullying without dismissing their own ( substantial) role.

The bullying is awful and needs to be addressed, and the other child who punched should also be punished, but the self defence issue is a red herring. Your child punched another much younger child in the face - doesn't that concern you at all?

Yeah they do, but hate speech should never go unpunished.

Also, your child isn't "tiny". They are a normal adolescent height. Again, just smoke and mirrors to diminish their responsibility. Far from calling the police for hate speech, you are lucky the police were not called by the parents of the year seven.