Assault/suspension/trans child

[Stressedgiraffe]

I need some outside views.
My ds was suspended.
These care the facts

Incident 1 - AM T and two of his friends were taking shelter from the rain during morning break.

They were accosted by a large group of year 7 girls who were making derogatory slurs, being intimidating and making threats.

A girl said "Why are you wearing that hat, you freak". T replied, "It's raining".

At this point t took out his phone. The girl then said words along the lines of "why are you taking photos of me T**y" and other threats and slurs

The girl then punched down on to T's collar bone leaving a mark and broken skin while using hate speech term for a protected characteristic Ty

T's responded defensively with a partially closed hand push to the girls lower left jaw.

At this point friends took T to Ace, where he had to wait 10 minutes or more to be seen by a teacher She appeared to be already aware of the incident and sent T to ISR.

There appears to be little attempt to corroborate the incident from T and friends Rather relying on the words of a much larger group who were being intimidating to a marginalised and minority protected characteristic.

Incident 2 - PM
On attempting to leave at the end of the school day , T And friends were accosted again just prior to the school gate. A mixed age group of girls with what appears to be a sixth former participating.

One girl lunged at T pulling his hat and hair. The hat fell into a muddy puddle. This hat is very new and a comfort gift to T from his mother.

As T went to retrieve the hat from the puddle, the girl attempted to grab it as well, this action of her's caused her to hit into T's left hand where he was holding his phone.

The girl then proceeded to shout. "Did you see that SHE hit me" repeatedly.

The group then broke into two, with the Sixth Former and several other following T and his friends making threats and using derogatory hate speech.

His friends took him to where his mother was parked and asked that T get a lift as he was afraid for tanks safety and this group as around 5 meters from hid friends mothers car.

Friend's mother then drove him home.

As you can see from the two incidents, these were NOT initiated by T also there appears to be little in the way of quizzing his friends about their version of events, rather relying on others words.

This is deeply concerning, especially as T is physically small and continues to receive hate speech and intimidation whilst at High School as well as receiving harassment and threats whilst on school grounds.

They are threatening to exclude him. Wtf do we do?

"However, you are not protected under the Equality Act unless you have proposed, started or completed a process to change your sex." (From your link)

Surely a 15 year old cannot have done any of those things?

Yup, ‘gender reassignment’ as referenced in the Equality Act includes ‘physiological or other attributes of sex’, which acknowledges that sex is not purely biological. The definition includes people who are contemplating gender reassignment and not just people who have begun physical processes.

Taylor v Jaguar Land Rover Ltd established that non binary and gender fluid people are included in the gender reassignment category and therefore protected by the Equality Act. Clearly, these people are not undergoing surgery.

‘Proposed’. So they can indeed.

Yep - you are protected from the moment you identify as Trans. You don't have to have had surgery, have a gender recognition certificate etc etc.

In fact, the same law against hate crimes applies if:

A) people think you are trans
or
B) you are associated with someone who is trans

I really CBA to link the appropriate legislation but I know this because

A) I supported my trans son through a court case after he was attacked by two grown arse women because he is trans (and it went all the way to court - they were found guilty and there was an uplift in sentence because of the hate aspect - trans slurs, called him a he-she and an "it".

B) I'm actually in the middle of writing a dissertation on the impact of NHS services on the mental health of transgender youth.

What form does this proposal take though? Is there a minimum age at which it's a proposal to do something, not a childish whim?

My son said for years that he would change his name to Harry Potter as soon as he was allowed. So he "proposed" that he would do so. He also "proposed" that he would get his ear pierced and get a tattoo. Along with being a policeman, a guard at Buckingham Palace, a fireman, a teacher, a librarian and a rock star (all at the same time)
He hasn't done any of those, and I never treated him as if he definitely would/already had.

So why would him "proposing" that he would get sex reassignment surgery be treated any differently?

@Stressedgiraffe

Apologies for the derailment - hopefully some of the info has been helpful

It isn't that relevant whether T has the protected characteristic of gender reassignment because it doesn't exempt someone from punishment for poor behaviour (ie punching the younger girl).

It may affect any consequences the other children have but op isn't entitled to know what punishment they get.

Some commenters on this thread are assuming that the other kids have got off scot free but some of them may have been suspended too. Op wouldn't be notified, she'd only be informed about what happens to her own child

All fascinating. The government should still be told then
Their website doesn't match what is being said.

And I'm glad transphobic abuse against people assumed to be trans is also a hate crime. Maybe my sons old school will be happy to issue him an apology for not taking it seriously.

I can see why the school aren’t OK with a 15 year old boy hitting 11 year old girls. I don’t think any school would be keen on that. You shouldn’t be either.

I also don’t know any schools that allow “comfort hats”. They aren’t part of school uniform and you are asking for trouble to allow/encourage your child to wear it to school.

Personally, if I were you, I’d move my child to another school at the first opportunity. They clearly have lots of challenges and issues to work through and a fresh start somewhere else might be a good idea. And ideally doing some kind of outside-school activity to build up some confidence and meet some new people.

Sorry your DS is being bullied x

Your child wants to be seen as male, so from the schools point of view a boy punched a girl in the face. It doesn't matter why he did it, it only matters that he did, so of course they want to remove him.
If your child needs the help of hats to get through the day are there any specialist schools near you that your son could transfer to? My nephew goes to a secondary school for autistic children and it has completely transformed he. He now loves going to school, isn't having panic attacks, and his facial tics have gone. Plus there is no bullying as the classes are small, and there are TAs everywhere

Your daughter who is in year 10 hit another female who is in year 7?
She should definitely be punished!
She is not a boy, and if you use the "he" pronoun it sounds much worse than it is...

I wouldn’t contact stonewall. Stonewall will just lie about what schools have to do. I agree lots of these comments aren’t helpful, the op wants practical realistic advice (which stonewall won’t give you). The school must have a bullying policy and if they are ignoring this child being bullied then the school is at fault and also partially responsible for any hitting back as by allowing the bullying they are fostering a culture of violence. I’d take that approach and read their complaints process (insist on seeing it if it’s not on their website). There must be some responsibility taken for your child hitting this much younger child, and you won’t do your child any favours by insisting your son is too small and female for their hitting anyone to be a risk.
you should also consider if this school will work for your child. The ‘comfort hat’ indicates there are other mental health issues going on, and it may be that kids at this school will pick on them for these visible differences. Which is shit, but practically and looking for an outcome where your child is happy this also may mean you should move your
child.

If your child wants to be a boy, he needs to learn not to punch girls in the face especially ones 3 years younger than him. If he doesn’t learn this he will find bigger boys will try to teach him this lesson unfortunately. For his safety you need to teach him appropriate male behaviour

Wow the dismissing of hate speech here is jaw dropping! Someone upthread said dismissively that 'teenagers say horrible things to each other'. Would people respond similarly about using unambiguously racist slurs? Ableist language? Antisemitic language, for example, not a problem coz they're just teenagers??? Ffs

No, I assume it's dismissed here because it's a transphobic term of abuse. To dismiss this abuse is deeply, deeply transphobic.

@PrimalLass just noticed that 'Teenagers say horrible things to each other sometimes' was your response to the transphobic hate speech.

What's your position on racist abuse? Same?

Some schools are far more tolerant than others. My children went to a high school that had no uniform rules and people could wear whatever they wanted - I mean anything from a purple mohawk down. It was a very tolerant school with lots of gay and trans kids and nobody blinked an eye at them let alone leading a mob of pupils to bother them. It simply wasn't remarkable to these children and, it if had been, the school would have cracked down on the behaviour. The school did very well academically too. We're not in the UK but I am sure that there is variation in how accepting schools are. Is there another school that you could consider might be more tolerant?

Thank you to those to understand.
T does know they shouldn't have lashed out. They accept what they did was wrong.
It's just very difficult when your child comes home with bruises.
The other child was not punished.
The school pupils and teachers have a history of misgendering him.
Maybe a school move would be the best thing.id need to speak to the council about it

I'm not the poster you addressed, and I'm going to answer a different question.

The point is not whether name-calling is okay. Of course it's not. It happens, however. To me, the far more important point is how one RESPONDS to name-calling.

There was a long thread recently about resilience in children. I found it pretty damn weird - at least half the replies seemed to be saying that kids shouldn't have to learn resilience. Maybe in a perfect world, nobody would ever face any challenges or discomforts but, then again, maybe that world wouldn't produce any personal growth.

Anyway, there are many good options when dealing with name-calling. None of them involve punching someone for hurting your feelings. Running straight to authority is a viable option, not a particularly resilient one: it won't improve your capacity to handle difficult people; neither will it gain others' respect.

I think this kid needs to figure out some better strategies, preferably with guidance.

Because it’s the law. You might prefer it not to be, but it is.

And no, there’s no minimum age below which hate speech is permitted.

I imagine part of being a boy is coming to terms with the fact that people will judge you very harshly if you hit a young girl in the face.

The school should tackle the bullying for sure, though.

Yeah/Nah. One minute he is a boy, and he punches people ( but at the same time she is a tiny size 2 who should be defended from girls three years younger). If one of my sons when they were 15yo punched a 11yo girl in the face he would have been out on his ear that day . No discussion. No but but she was mean/ bullying etc. It's exceedingly inappropriate. The fact you are thinking this is ok and sending your child to school with comfort hats( no explanation of what the heck they are) then I agree with a pp. You may well be a big part of the problem.
I sincerely hope things improve for your child but whatever is going on now is clearly not working.
Perhaps look at another school where your child may be happier, as this school is obviously not going well with 2 incidents in one day and a threat of expulsion.

As the school in not collecting objective information, nor responding reasonably to your communication, I would go to the local Police Station and report the hate speech and show the bruise etc. and look to take a restraining order out on the child and their friends who continually harass your child.

The Police may decide to approach the school and assist them to deal with the hate speech behaviour.

Once you have reported the abuse in person, inform the school that you have done so. Knowing of your actions may, alone, prompt them to react in a way to resolve the matter to your satisfaction in the long term.
You would want - an apology, a ceasing of hate speech, a ceasing of victimisation of your child and a healthy inclusion of your child in relation to group activities to do with his education.
The school also needs to promote a general focus on kindness and accept nothing less in how students address each other.
Your own child needs to complete an anger management course too. To respond with a punch every time is not right.

I’d like to say I can’t believe the responses of some people on here that they’re happy to condone bullying of a vulnerable young person by twenty people purely because the identity as trans, but sadly I can. The cynical part of me thinks that all anyone on here has to do is mention trans and it’s like a dog whistle which brings out the worst in people.

This is an autistic kid who is clearly struggling, being surrounded and bullied by twenty kids - they might be younger but if you think that’s not scary and threatening you either lack imagination or experience.

The mental health impact of this has the potential to be huge particularly for T, but potentially for the other kids too, who at some point may struggle knowing what they’ve done. I work in young people’s MH and this sort of thing has long term ripples.

OP, raise a concern and find a better school.