Assault/suspension/trans child

[Stressedgiraffe]

I need some outside views.
My ds was suspended.
These care the facts

Incident 1 - AM T and two of his friends were taking shelter from the rain during morning break.

They were accosted by a large group of year 7 girls who were making derogatory slurs, being intimidating and making threats.

A girl said "Why are you wearing that hat, you freak". T replied, "It's raining".

At this point t took out his phone. The girl then said words along the lines of "why are you taking photos of me T**y" and other threats and slurs

The girl then punched down on to T's collar bone leaving a mark and broken skin while using hate speech term for a protected characteristic Ty

T's responded defensively with a partially closed hand push to the girls lower left jaw.

At this point friends took T to Ace, where he had to wait 10 minutes or more to be seen by a teacher She appeared to be already aware of the incident and sent T to ISR.

There appears to be little attempt to corroborate the incident from T and friends Rather relying on the words of a much larger group who were being intimidating to a marginalised and minority protected characteristic.

Incident 2 - PM
On attempting to leave at the end of the school day , T And friends were accosted again just prior to the school gate. A mixed age group of girls with what appears to be a sixth former participating.

One girl lunged at T pulling his hat and hair. The hat fell into a muddy puddle. This hat is very new and a comfort gift to T from his mother.

As T went to retrieve the hat from the puddle, the girl attempted to grab it as well, this action of her's caused her to hit into T's left hand where he was holding his phone.

The girl then proceeded to shout. "Did you see that SHE hit me" repeatedly.

The group then broke into two, with the Sixth Former and several other following T and his friends making threats and using derogatory hate speech.

His friends took him to where his mother was parked and asked that T get a lift as he was afraid for tanks safety and this group as around 5 meters from hid friends mothers car.

Friend's mother then drove him home.

As you can see from the two incidents, these were NOT initiated by T also there appears to be little in the way of quizzing his friends about their version of events, rather relying on others words.

This is deeply concerning, especially as T is physically small and continues to receive hate speech and intimidation whilst at High School as well as receiving harassment and threats whilst on school grounds.

They are threatening to exclude him. Wtf do we do?

Someone has probably already said this but being trans isn’t a protected characteristic, gender reassignment is.

This is sound advice. Your son needs to learn how to handle himself and act confidently and calmly in situations like these because unfortunately they may arise again and he needs to be able to walk away from them having kept himself right especially when dealing with those who are a good bit younger.

That being said, I do think the school needs to consider that a group of younger, aggressive children can be highly intimidating. Just because they are younger doesn't mean they can't inflict serious harm to someone and absolutely the bullying needs to be addressed and taken very seriously.

I'd be trying to work with him on different ways he could have handled the situation, and at the same time I'd be sending in a complaint to the school about the lack of action re: bullying and if necessary I'd tell them you'll be going to the police if they can't deal with it appropriately.

I understand children can be mean but at the end of the day a nd child should be able to wear comfort clothing and a trans or non binary child should be able to attend school safely without being bullied for being themselves.

While being trans isn't a protected characteristic, I'd say that being ND would be.

OP, you probably need to speak to the school about what it's doing to support ND children and to protect them from bullying.

So your year ten daughter hit a year 7 girl. And you are wondering why they are being threatened with being excluded? Stating a biological fact "did you see she hit me" is not bullying.

OP, you should also ask the school what action has been taken against the group that accosted your child on the way out of school. You might want to ask whether they've identified the sixth former.

Except that self-defense is not a "red herring." It is really the heart of the matter. And if we're talking about self-defense, it seems bizarre to focus on the ages of the people involved rather than their relative physical size/strength, not to mention the number of children on each side. I'm a 33 year old man, and I would be in way more danger from some of the 15 year olds I teach than they would from me.

But were you to punch one of them in the jaw, your ages would be very relevant.

Your daughter thumped a girl 4 years younger than her. That’s never going to go down well OP, even if the younger girl started it. More is expected of year 10s than year 7s.

To be clear, OP, you need to point out that the school is failing to deal with the bullying of a disabled child. (I'm ND myself and I'm aware that many ND people take issue with referring to ND as a disability, but this is possibly how you need to tackle this: the word 'freak' is a slur which is often aimed at disabled people.)

My autistic son chooses to wears his hair down below his bum. This attracts attention and other kids say he looks weird. He agrees and says being weird is a talent he has.

I love this, @AlantheDog, and it is DEFINITELY the way to go. Resilient child with, I'm guessing, wise parents!

@Stressedgiraffe, your child identifies as a boy and a "trans boy". The only way to be a trans boy is to have been born a girl. There's no reason to consider "girl" an insult, in fact I'd discourage it because that would be insulting her/his own childhood.

Perhaps more controversially, I'd take a similar view of "tranny" as well. I know it's meant to be a slur but, really, it's just a contraction of transgender. People can say all sorts of things meaning them as insults. It's up to us whether to agree that they're insulting. If we do, we're giving them power. We don't have to!

If the thing is true, why would you accept it as a slur? In doing so, you're showing shame about that aspect of yourself. I'm fairly old and ugly these days. I'm not ashamed of it so, if you call me an ugly old woman, I'm likely to say "Well spotted" 😉 Likewise, someone who identifies as transgender only needs to confirm any observation that they are.

... This was all a slightly long-winded way of suggesting your DC would benefit from a bit more objectivity and a lot more skill with the "So what?" shrug 😎

I’ve read it. I still strongly disagree with you.

If it was a true act of self-defense eg they had already attacked me and were going to continue doing so then the ages wouldn't really matter whereas their size and numbers certainly would. If you find yourself cornered and physically attacked by a mob of bigots, you don't have to ask for each of their ages before striking them.

When my ND child was being bullied at school for being ND, with slurs about their other disability, we did a huge amount on what to do, coping mechanisms to get him to remove himself from any danger, and how to report it. Sometimes arming children with the skills to desecalate and come away really makes a difference for a start.
Then I dealt with the the bullying by speaking to the Head and they did a lot of work with students about the power of difference.
If your child is in danger of being excluded, contact Coram Advice line
https://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/about-us/what-we-do/child-law-advice-service/#:~:text=2)%20Telephone%3A%200300%20330%205480,to%20Friday%2010am%20to%204pm.

@Stressedgiraffe if your child of a different ethnicity? Because you twice mention about a “ protected characteristic” without saying what it is.

Or do you mean disability because your child is autistic ?

Are you the child’s father or his mother’s partner?

@Stressedgiraffe I've only read your posts because the GC views and deliberate mis-gendering of trans people on here makes me want to spit.

I have an AFAB FTM son so I KNOW how hard you have to go to bat for them.

Taking aside the physical violence, which is bad enough in itself, the school absolutely should be following their anti-bullying policy. The Government includes hate crimes (which this is) in the list of bullying incidences which should be reported to the police.
https://www.gov.uk/bullying-at-school

I'd make an appointment with the head, safeguarding lead and HOY and print out that document, the schools anti-bullying policy and

https://academic.oup.com/jpubhealth/article/45/1/102/6444311

which shows some statistics about the additional risk of SH, SI or Suicide by Trans Youth who experience bullying at school.

Hope things settle for you and your boy. Try and ignore the posters who insist on referring to your son as a girl, they're just pushing their own agenda onto an already upset Mum.

EDIT: @CALLI0PE Transgender Identity is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act 2010

This isn’t true.

You should probably let the government know their website is wrong then! They've got gender reassignment listed.

@Sam0207, @WaitingForMojo: government advice on the Equality Act and Public Sector Equality Duty.

"Someone has the protected characteristic of gender reassignment if they are proposing to undergo, are undergoing or have undergone a process or part of a process to reassign their sex by changing physiological or other attributes of sex. Authorities should take care to undertake their assessment by reference to the protected characteristics set out in the act. They should not use concepts such as gender or gender identity, which are not encoded in the act and can be understood in different ways. "

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/public-sector-equality-duty-guidance-for-public-authorities/public-sector-equality-duty-guidance-for-public-authorities

👏

If your child wants to be a boy he can take all it entails.

Regardless of provocation, if my 15 year old son punched an 11/12 year old girl in the face then he'd be out on his ear. Looks like your school feels the same.

It sounds as though one dc is being bullied by a group of younger dc and has lashed out and is getting suspended?
Are others also being suspended?

Bullying protocols at the school need to be followed.
It may be the individual child is suspended due to their violence but the bullying that they are experiencing also needs to be addressed.

@Garlicking

Actually....

"To be protected from gender reassignment discrimination, you do not need to have undergone any medical treatment or surgery to change from your birth sex to your preferred gender."

https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/equality/equality-act-2010/your-rights-under-equality-act-2010/gender-reassignment-discrimination#:~:text=in%20your%20browser.-,What%20the%20Equality%20Act%20says%20about%20gender%20reassignment%20discrimination,process%20to%20reassign%20your%20sex.

I'm off now before I get bashed for protecting Trans Youth.