Assault/suspension/trans child

[Stressedgiraffe]

I need some outside views.
My ds was suspended.
These care the facts

Incident 1 - AM T and two of his friends were taking shelter from the rain during morning break.

They were accosted by a large group of year 7 girls who were making derogatory slurs, being intimidating and making threats.

A girl said "Why are you wearing that hat, you freak". T replied, "It's raining".

At this point t took out his phone. The girl then said words along the lines of "why are you taking photos of me T**y" and other threats and slurs

The girl then punched down on to T's collar bone leaving a mark and broken skin while using hate speech term for a protected characteristic Ty

T's responded defensively with a partially closed hand push to the girls lower left jaw.

At this point friends took T to Ace, where he had to wait 10 minutes or more to be seen by a teacher She appeared to be already aware of the incident and sent T to ISR.

There appears to be little attempt to corroborate the incident from T and friends Rather relying on the words of a much larger group who were being intimidating to a marginalised and minority protected characteristic.

Incident 2 - PM
On attempting to leave at the end of the school day , T And friends were accosted again just prior to the school gate. A mixed age group of girls with what appears to be a sixth former participating.

One girl lunged at T pulling his hat and hair. The hat fell into a muddy puddle. This hat is very new and a comfort gift to T from his mother.

As T went to retrieve the hat from the puddle, the girl attempted to grab it as well, this action of her's caused her to hit into T's left hand where he was holding his phone.

The girl then proceeded to shout. "Did you see that SHE hit me" repeatedly.

The group then broke into two, with the Sixth Former and several other following T and his friends making threats and using derogatory hate speech.

His friends took him to where his mother was parked and asked that T get a lift as he was afraid for tanks safety and this group as around 5 meters from hid friends mothers car.

Friend's mother then drove him home.

As you can see from the two incidents, these were NOT initiated by T also there appears to be little in the way of quizzing his friends about their version of events, rather relying on others words.

This is deeply concerning, especially as T is physically small and continues to receive hate speech and intimidation whilst at High School as well as receiving harassment and threats whilst on school grounds.

They are threatening to exclude him. Wtf do we do?

I agree there is a trendiness but not everyone who is trans is trans because of that.

Trans people existed well before 2024.

Can anyone tell me what a bully who attacks a child has to do with Trans being wrong???

Do we think these kids wouldn't bully if it wasn't for the child being trans?

Is it ok to bully a child with autism if they are not trans but have a hat on????

This whole thread should be about bullying and not if the op's child is trans or not.

Also since we are talking about 15 yo's knowing better, my grade 7 knows not to bully people for any reason.

A bunch of grade 7's attacking anyone is fucked up. I don't care if they are 15 or 51.

Bullying is always wrong. The reason this seems to focus on trans is because this is a female who now is male hitting a female in the jaw as a “self defence”.

Bullies will always bully though sadly. Schools claim zero tolerance but it’s a lie. This boy is being picked on for being a tiny trans boy with a comfort hat.

His mistake is retaliation with his fists to a females face. Again you can’t have it both ways. You want to be a male accept that males hitting females is seen as much much worse than female on female violence or female on male.

It's not about 'Trans being wrong' it's that the OP has focussed on 'hate speech' and Protected Characteristics, and both totally minimised the practical problems of her DC identifying as a boy and expecting others to comply with that while being a short thin girl; and minimised the physical violence that her DC used. I personally think it's not helping a child, especially a ND child, to focus on their special identity, or to encourage them to perceive themselves as victimised by this, while downplaying their own wrong doing in what happened. It was OP who made this about transness.

It's appalling that the child is being bullied. I think her child thinks she is is trans because she has autism. She is probably a lesbian and a glance at OP's posting history shows there has been worry and turmoil at home. I worked in a girls' school until recently and without exception the girls who said they were trans were traumatised autistic lesbians. Earlier in my career they were the girls who had very serious eating disorders. It absolutely is a trend.

But what about people like my partner who loved as a lesbian and then transitioned years ago.

I'm not debating the trendiness but debating that every trans person is following a trend.

If it is a trend it is well and truly over as far as the year 7’s go. The emperor is butt naked!

I must admit the only ftm I know of are on the spectrum and date females as their male self’s.

Im sure I’ve read else where that
A lot of todays ftm are autistic females who are genuinely lesbians or just don’t want to have a female puberty because of all
the change which is scary and unknown for someone who’s so rule and consistency minded, being a boy is easier if you can get your hands on the puberty blockers that have been so popular and easy to get till
recently.

The trend is over at my school. Almost none of our students identifies as the opposite sex. Very few of our ND children are presenting as trans. Unfortunately, I think eating disorders and self harm are on the rise again as an expression of distress in autistic pupils.

Hello,

there are a lot of replies on here and some of which are nonsense. I’m an assistant headteacher in a secondary school who oversees behaviour so I will tell you the facts.

1. the school can suspend on any grounds they see fit. You don’t make the rules they do.
2. you can appeal a suspension if you want it removed from your child’s record. They legally have to send this to you in a letter.
3. if the school want to permanently exclude your child they do so either a. For a serious one off incident b. For persistent disruption. If your child is difficult to manage in school and has had a series of previous incidents then a permanent exclusion will be favourable by the school unless they are the height of morality which the majority are not.
4. your child’s SEN needs make no difference as to whether they can be suspended or permanently excluded.
5. the permanent exclusion will go to the school governors who decide if it is upheld. I have never seen one not upheld.
6. you can appeal the exclusion after this and the school then gather an independent panel to review the exclusion

just some advice..if you come across as a non- supportive or difficult parent the school is much more likely to take a hard stance. You can not condone your child’s behaviour regardless of circumstance. If they have hit a younger child then the school will take action they see fit. There is no point going to war over the sanction of the other child. Once you accept this you will then be in a much better place to tackle the bullying issue that is going on by doing the following

1. email the headteacher directly outlining your concerns. You must be able to give details of specific actions and specify what action you took (ie reporting to the school) and what action was taken by the school.
2. request a meeting with the headteacher (they will likely pass this to another member of the senior team..ie someone like me)
3. keep the meeting resolution focused and come up with a set of actions
4. follow this meeting up with an email to the member of staff you met with, copy in the headteacher
5. monitor over a 2 week period

these are your first steps. I have personally sat at 10 permanent exclusion panels.

hope this helps.

As parents we have to prepare our kids for the world as it is, not as it should be. It's shitty and it's not right, but vulnerable kids are imo better served by being prepared and armed as best they can be, than by being assured that they can just go ahead and be who they are unfiltered, and adults around will step in to protect them repeatedly. It does kids a disservice I think, to allow that kind of naiveity and not prepare our vulnerable kids for reality at all.

This

It’s surprising what a couple of years can do. In DS1s lower sixth year they were all practically chanting “be kind” like some sort of religious doctrine. In DS2s lower sixth year (three years later) there is far more talk about identifying as toasters etc, taking the mickey out of it and having conversations about the issues (although boys more willing to speak up as gender critical than girls I’ve noticed)

When I did a bit of supply a month ago, one boy claimed that his pronouns were xe/xim. He was definitely joking.

His best pal turned to him and exclaimed “Yer-slash-maw!”

Prior to lockdown, there would have been uproar.

Yes I would. I abhor violence.

What, you mean that you think adults should lie to children?
Weird!

No, I think you’re wrong. Weird, indeed.

Good points. And My daughter lost all her friends in year 8 because she refused to shun the autistic girl who started sitting at their lunch table.

Your daughter is a star!

But none of those are male clothing sizes, which I suspect was the point.

@Stressedgiraffe if you're still reading, @FTMaz's post a little way up this page has some really good advice that it's worth taking on board.

Male or otherwise still gives you a visual clue on the body size

It can't be both ways. If you/your child want the school to buy into your (female sex) child self identifying as a boy, and recognise the child as a boy, then they have to apply the same sanctions as they will for another boy.

As a mum of 2 girls, I'd absolutely expect an older boy who punched my daughter in the face/jaw to be expelled. No matter what provocation.

I'd be going as high as I could go for that to happen.

The size of the older boy is irrelevant. They are the older one. Should know better. Also much stronger.

I don't blame any female for trying to identify out of the misogynistic attitudes and toxic masculinity they endure on a daily basis to be honest.

I don't think as a parent it is a good thing to not give a ND child who's in distress a way of backing out of trans identity if they change their minds as they grow up. Your child is more than likely to reclaim being a girl as they grow up and possibly become a lesbian. Make sure you are not pushing the identity more than your child is.

What are you talking about?

The girl punched first. And what on earth does that have to do with calling out misogyny?

We can beat up transmen because of feminism?
We can bully transmen because of misogyny?

I'm legitimately asking. My partner is trans and I'm curious what sort of shit behavior I can get away with.

In the real world, children don't get expelled because another child's parent goes as high as they can. In fact I think they would close you right down. The child is entitled to an education and in the real world they are helped, rather than written off.

I think the point was that size 2 isn’t a thing in the UK. It simply doesn’t exist. The poster was doubting that this is a real thread and wondering whether it was yet another attempt (by someone not in the Uk) to try to demonstrate that MN is full of transphobic vipers. Actually I think it’s full of parents who understand that children search for solutions to their confused feelings and when theyre vulnerable they can become the victims of harmful ideologies.

It is very strange getting all that UK based detail and then an American size (equivalent to a 6 or so here, which would be reasonable).
But I suppose it could be a typo.

Or someone has bought a pair of jeans in the UK which has us sizing on it. I bought two pairs of size 4 the other day and they had shedloads of size 2 left. (Probably precisely because the US sizing had completely thrown people).