Assault/suspension/trans child

[Stressedgiraffe]

I need some outside views.
My ds was suspended.
These care the facts

Incident 1 - AM T and two of his friends were taking shelter from the rain during morning break.

They were accosted by a large group of year 7 girls who were making derogatory slurs, being intimidating and making threats.

A girl said "Why are you wearing that hat, you freak". T replied, "It's raining".

At this point t took out his phone. The girl then said words along the lines of "why are you taking photos of me T**y" and other threats and slurs

The girl then punched down on to T's collar bone leaving a mark and broken skin while using hate speech term for a protected characteristic Ty

T's responded defensively with a partially closed hand push to the girls lower left jaw.

At this point friends took T to Ace, where he had to wait 10 minutes or more to be seen by a teacher She appeared to be already aware of the incident and sent T to ISR.

There appears to be little attempt to corroborate the incident from T and friends Rather relying on the words of a much larger group who were being intimidating to a marginalised and minority protected characteristic.

Incident 2 - PM
On attempting to leave at the end of the school day , T And friends were accosted again just prior to the school gate. A mixed age group of girls with what appears to be a sixth former participating.

One girl lunged at T pulling his hat and hair. The hat fell into a muddy puddle. This hat is very new and a comfort gift to T from his mother.

As T went to retrieve the hat from the puddle, the girl attempted to grab it as well, this action of her's caused her to hit into T's left hand where he was holding his phone.

The girl then proceeded to shout. "Did you see that SHE hit me" repeatedly.

The group then broke into two, with the Sixth Former and several other following T and his friends making threats and using derogatory hate speech.

His friends took him to where his mother was parked and asked that T get a lift as he was afraid for tanks safety and this group as around 5 meters from hid friends mothers car.

Friend's mother then drove him home.

As you can see from the two incidents, these were NOT initiated by T also there appears to be little in the way of quizzing his friends about their version of events, rather relying on others words.

This is deeply concerning, especially as T is physically small and continues to receive hate speech and intimidation whilst at High School as well as receiving harassment and threats whilst on school grounds.

They are threatening to exclude him. Wtf do we do?

There are two separate issues here, what your son did is absolutely unacceptable. This does need to be punished.

The school also need to be investigating and punishing the transphobia from these other pupils. If the school don't deal with it appropriately then potentially you need to get the police involved here.

He should be able to go to school without any of this shit, he should also be able to walk away when these people start their shit.

Well a "closed hand push" sounds like a punch to me, so maybe it's genuinely hard for the school to identify a single wrongdoer. It might also be quite hard to figure out which side to believe.

I'm sure there is more to unpick there but it's almost impossible to follow your account, not least because of all the unexplained acronyms.

@randomuser724 Socially transitioning adolescents, especially autistic teens, doesn't show overall benefit to their wellbeing. "Trapped in the wrong body" is an ideological position, not a fact.

It sounds like they were backed into a corner and came out fighting. Both children need to be punished, the behaviour/violence policy should be followed for both children. Fwiw, I tell my children never to start a fight, but if someone hits you stand up for yourself, otherwise you will end up a target.

I don’t think you are helping your child though by giving them a comfort hat.

You asked wtf to do so am going to answer really honestly as a small woman who went to a really rough school. You might not like my answer but I am going to give an answer based on honesty as a mother with children in secondary school and setting aside anything else.

I think you would do your daughter more favours if you stopped talking nonsense and stick to the facts. Your daughter was hit and then she hit someone back. The year 7’s were rude but then your daughter wound the situation up by getting her phone out which pissed them off further. The situation continued later in the day and your daughter hit out a second time. She is year 10 and should know better. Pretending that your daughter is a boy isn’t going to help her as a 5ft female will always get preyed on. Is the hat weird and stands out? because that is a target for bullies, the age of the Covid kids is now and they are not woke any more and don’t give a monkies about hate speech. They were at home with their very non woke parents and heard every bit of effing and blinding about the shite that Stonewall shits out so as a mother the best thing you can do to decide whether you want your daughter to live in the real world which perhaps does mean not standing out too much and learning how to manage to deal with the mini thugs in year 7 or continue down the road of getting wound up and then beaten up or chucked out because because she has retaliated and appeared the aggressor.

Perhaps if you were more open minded you'd understand how crippling and mentally debilitating it feels to be trapped in a body that doesn't fit what you feel and experience internally

You are describing the experience of the vast majority of girls experiencing puberty. It is only recently that kids are being encouraged to believe this is symptomatic of them not being their actual sex.

OP you seem to be massively minimising the part your DC played here. If you go in to school talking about protected characteristics and comfort hats you will likely not get the reception you are wanting. Your DC was name called and hit by a younger child, and responded by hitting back. There should be consequences for both parties.

Makes me weep for these poor autistic girls, so uncomfortable in their own bodies that they believe the idea that they are trapped in the wrong body. Lots of people don’t believe this and so there will be tension. All of those who hit each other should face consequences though.

No one is trapped in their body. We literally ARE our bodies.
This is very clearly a child who has many issues, and it’s important that the adults around them are honest. Maybe read the Cass review?

Yeah they do, but hate speech should never go unpunished.

So because something has been deemed 'hate speech' one hurtful thing is worse than another? I'm in Scotland and we are about to be FUCKED because of that being pushed by activists.

I tell my children never to start a fight, but if someone hits you stand up for yourself

I am unfashionably in agreement with this, but not when the other kid's 3 years younger.

Also, everyone contemplating violence needs some understanding of appropriate force and of alternative responses.

If you punch a kid in the face for hurting your feelings, you're a bully. It's irrelevant that the other child is, too.

Self defence involves blocking an assault. Your child didn’t defend themselves, they retaliated and got into a fight. If someone 4 years older than my child punched them in the jaw I’d expect them to be punished.

I agree entirely.

OP - your child hit a much younger child in the face. Unacceptable. They should both be punished.

No @LiterallyOnFire . You're wrong. It wasn't a "closed hand push", it was a "partially closed hand push".

It's reminiscent of 'This is not just food....it's M&S food.'

T has clearly punched and hit back and your believing his story that he hasn’t? ‘Pushed a face with a partially closed fist’? Oh come on OP how ridiculous. Someone hit that face on his hand? If he’s lying about that he could be lying about other things.

No, I didn’t say that. Both children should be punished. One for punching, the other for punching and using hate speech. Hate speech shouldn’t go unpunished.

I would probably be described by many as a TERF but would still advocate that there is no need for transphobic comments.

Oh, I didn't pick up on this. So a 15 (?) yr old hit a 12 yr old? (Sorry - I'm in Scotland and not sure about the current age groups in England.)

Look, would your child benefit from actual self defence lessons? Physical activity can really help to diminish the mental overload, if you find the right activity.

Autistic kids tend to be fraught from the effort of masking at school, and I do suspect that being on high alert for trans-related misnaming, worried about being identified as a girl etc will only add to that.

At least it does sound like your child has friends.

'Tranny' is clearly unacceptable language, but are you and your child also treating 'girl' as hate speech? I'd see if you can inculcate a 'shrug, whatevvvver' response to that one. Being a girl is not an insulting thing.

Year 7s are 11 rising 12, so the other child was either 11 or 12. Year 10s are 14 rising 15. The OP's child is 15.

If your child has been physically assaulted and bullied at school and the school aren't taking it seriously and it continues, then you need to remove the child. This sounds like it's a lot of children targeting your child. You need to urgently remove your child from that dangerous situation.

I think you need to take a really objective look at your own behaviour here as a parent and how you may have enabled this.

You have completely minimised your child hitting a child 3 years younger in the face.

You seem to think that the school/other pupils should recognise the importance of a "comfort hat" that you gave your child.

You seem to be accepting that your daughter, who is dealing with significant issues with neurodiversity, was "born in the wrong body" and is actually a boy. This is so, so harmful. You are setting them up for a lifetime of self-loathing in addition to potential medicalisation and unnecessary surgeries. Even Stonewall now accept that no one is "born in the wrong body".

I think you need to concentrate on your child's mental health and ND issues. Not minimising them being violent with the excuse of their "tiny" stature and expecting everyone else to recognise the importance of a "comfort hat" given to a teenager by their Mum.

There is no excuse for bullying but you can't control what the other kids are going to say to your child at school or in the real world. You need to take a hard look at how to help your child grow into a resilient and confident adult that can manage their ND issues. As their Mum, minimising their behaviour and blaming it on others is not going to help them.

I agree with this.

And you'd be better examining if your child's idea of being trans is actually an attempt to understand why they feel different because of their neuro-diversity. I've been teaching almost 30 years, and the sheer amount of ND kids I've seen flirt with trans identification is ridiculous. It's STILL not spoken about enough. And I say this as someone very open to everyone being what they want to be. It's just so stark & no-one's talking about it.

Strange to describe a FTM child as "size 2".

Children of school age can be very cruel,it’s always been this way and part of learning to deal with bullying.But as a mother you are not helping by allowing your adhd daughter by encouraging her to believe she is in the wrong body.You are leading her into a lifetime of pain.She is autistic and needs your support not your delusions.Be a mother not an enabler..

to be influenced by

Would you expect your child to be punished too?

The trans is issue is almost irrelevant, the facts are too biological female children had a fight at school. One started it. The age maybe relevant, but some year 7 girls are taller than me, so I guess it depends on the height of the year 7.