Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Am I being too needy, husband overnight trip.

209 replies

Kiwiburgh · 06/03/2024 12:09

Basically as above, sorry for the rant. Husband really wants to go away fishing with his friends leaving Saturday morning and returning early Sunday afternoon. This will be the first time I'm alone with my toddler (2 years) and newborn who will be 3 weeks. I'm absolutely terrified at the idea and anxious about how I'll cope as I'm already feeling frustrated with my toddler and impact newborn is having. I have no family on the country. Husband has asked his mum if she'd be happy to stay with me overnight and she is happy too but this makes me more anxious as I feel I can't show my true emotions In front of her and they will end up building up.

Basically I don't want him to go this soon but I feel awful asking this of him as he's really excited about it. He's a great husband and dosen't go away on overnight trips with friends often.

Should I just suck it up or are my feelings valid?

OP posts:
Peekaboobo · 06/03/2024 12:10

Your feelings ARE valid but yes, just suck it up. Let him have his night away you'll be fine.

barleyseed · 06/03/2024 12:11

you will be fine, you will wonder why you were worried!

FiloPasty · 06/03/2024 12:12

Hmm your feelings are valid but I think suck it up. Plenty of people are single mothers or have partners who work away a lot. Which parts of the day/night are worrying you the most? Is there anything you can do in advance to make it less work? Prep food in advance. Skip the bath that day? Don’t overthink it, I mean that kindly.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
TruthorDie · 06/03/2024 12:12

Personally l wouldn’t suck it up. Unless he didn’t, when you went away for the weekend last week?! I’m joking as obviously you didn’t. If you aren’t having weekends away then he shouldn’t be. Going fishing is hardly essential

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 06/03/2024 12:12

I don't think he should be going off on an overnight jolly when you have a newborn baby in the house.

PuttingDownRoots · 06/03/2024 12:13

3 weeks is still very early days. Can he wait a few more weeks?

Chamomileteaplease · 06/03/2024 12:13

I was going to say what's the issue but your second baby will be 3 weeks old???

It's a shame he is excited because presumably that means the time for discussion and decision is over?

Could he at least do all the two year olds bedtimes the week before, to give you some sort of break. And take over with the two year old as soon as he gets back?

That would give you something to aim for.

Do you have no other friends or family who would be easier to have around than MIL?

Ermmmmnowwhst · 06/03/2024 12:14

Don't understand why you would suck it up. He's a dad to young babies now. He can fish when he's retired

uhOhOP · 06/03/2024 12:14

I'm sure you will be fine, but would he be fine if left for a day and a half with a newborn and two-year-old? If not, why would or should you be?

NotestoSelf · 06/03/2024 12:14

Is there some reason why the trip needs to happen this particular weekend, ie other people's schedules? If not, ask him to postpone by a couple of weeks? I think by then you'll be far more used to having two children, and will be less stressed by the prospect. A three week old is still very new.

SpringtimeAtLast · 06/03/2024 12:15

Ah three weeks is really young! Yanbu I’d throw my toys out of the pram if dh insisted, with a toddler to wrangle too that will be a tough weekend.

Presumably he wanted the baby? Did he miss the memo about how the fourth trimester?

I was still bleeding and trying to settle the breastfeeding at 3 weeks. Presumably you’re looking after them all week, it’s not like you are on holiday.

And fishing? Hardly an essential /trip of a lifetime. Just fancies having a bit of time to himself does he, well tough - he signed up to parent two kids.

I guess having his mum to stay would be fine if you felt it was going to help, but if you don’t, then yanbu.

ALLthecheeses · 06/03/2024 12:15

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 06/03/2024 12:12

I don't think he should be going off on an overnight jolly when you have a newborn baby in the house.

Me too!

supercalafragilisticexpealidocious · 06/03/2024 12:16

Absolutely not ok with a 3 week old! If they were 6 months then yes absolutely fine but not fine at all when baby is only 3 weeks. A hard no from me.

BubziOwl · 06/03/2024 12:16

0% chance I'd be 'sucking this up'. Why on earth should you?!

Unless you're going away the weekend after leaving him with the toddler and newborn, of course... but we all know that's not going to happen!

PuttingDownRoots · 06/03/2024 12:16

PuttingDownRoots · 06/03/2024 12:13

3 weeks is still very early days. Can he wait a few more weeks?

To add to this... my DH is in the Army. I've spent more time alone with our DDs (now 11 and 12) than together,ncluding from DD2 being born... I know how hard it is
.. and I know how it gets easier n t a few weeks.

If it was a time sensitive thing like a wedding it would be different. But not a trip he can do anytime

Justbrowsing2024 · 06/03/2024 12:17

3 we old and a toddler?? Not a chance lol. Just tell him to rearrange

UltramarineViolet · 06/03/2024 12:17

3 weeks after birth is quite soon for an overnight trip but assume there are reasons why this particular weekend has been chosen for the trip and it can't be delayed for a month or so?

Agree with others that your feelings are valid but unless you are having significant problems with your newborn or toddler then I'm sure you can survive 2 days without your DH

Feelingstrange2 · 06/03/2024 12:18

Your feelings are valid but it's something you can work through as what's he's requesting isn't unreasonable.

You will be OK - you are stronger than you think. It's up to you if you have company as it will be a person you can ask to help you in the very unlikely situation of you needing help while he is away.

She's been kind to offer to help and having time with her to chat to might be really useful for you. She has obviously managed to drag your husband up in one piece- if he has siblings then she may well have been in your position once. I know you don't currently feel like sharing with her but when you are on your own you could ask her how she managed and talk about it.

LolaJ87 · 06/03/2024 12:19

I wouldn't be happy, not with a 3 week old. A day out fine, a night out fine, but more than 24 hours is a no.

Toddlers need constant entertainment and babies need be sat under. There has to be someone there to tag in for a short while so you can go to the toilet/shower/feed yourself.

I would ask him not to go, but if he's not receptive then definitely grab your MIL's help with both hands. Let her be on toddler duty in the daytime, then you can focus on the baby and yourself. She can have newborn cuddles while you do bedtime with the toddler. I would always accept help in that scenario, an extra pair of hands is priceless.

ZekeZeke · 06/03/2024 12:20

Ask MIL to take toddler overnight. Make sure DH drops and collects.
You look after the baby.

SusieKin · 06/03/2024 12:22

I think it’s unfair on you with a newborn and a toddler. I feel the same as you tbh.

Dontforgetthesalamander · 06/03/2024 12:23

I think he's an arsehole for going, tbh. He has a 3 week old baby.

gamerchick · 06/03/2024 12:23

Could your MIL maybe take the toddler overnight and you have some one on one with baby?

Bobskeleton · 06/03/2024 12:24

At 3 weeks postpartum it's all still very overwhelming. Therefore I think it's unreasonable for him to go.

If he does go just make sure on his return you get a chance to relax and have a few hours to yourself.

SpringtimeAtLast · 06/03/2024 12:26

@ZekeZeke i was just about to suggest that. If dh takes toddler to MiL for a sleepover adventure before he goes on his trip then that would be ideal.

Back to the OP, I think what annoys me about OP’s dh is the unthinking assumption that handling a newborn and a toddler is a simple thing that the OP should just take in her stride. It’s so uncaring, and arrogant, and ungrateful. And that imposing MIL is appropriate when OP probably feels exhausted and emotional and is trying to settle into a more complex parental role.

I don’t think it’s relevant that “single parents do it every day” because OP isn’t a single parent. Many single parents don’t have a newborn, and those that do often struggle.