Am I being too needy, husband overnight trip.

[Kiwiburgh]

Basically as above, sorry for the rant. Husband really wants to go away fishing with his friends leaving Saturday morning and returning early Sunday afternoon. This will be the first time I'm alone with my toddler (2 years) and newborn who will be 3 weeks. I'm absolutely terrified at the idea and anxious about how I'll cope as I'm already feeling frustrated with my toddler and impact newborn is having. I have no family on the country. Husband has asked his mum if she'd be happy to stay with me overnight and she is happy too but this makes me more anxious as I feel I can't show my true emotions In front of her and they will end up building up.

Basically I don't want him to go this soon but I feel awful asking this of him as he's really excited about it. He's a great husband and dosen't go away on overnight trips with friends often.

Should I just suck it up or are my feelings valid?

But no you're absolutely not being too needy wanting your bloke to stay home.

Is he taking 2 weeks paternity? If so it would mean it would fall at the end of his first week back at work? That's going to be a tough week and you'll probably want the support at the weekend to look forward to.

Also, I wouldn't want to send the toddler to MILs - they're already getting used to a new sibling, you don't want them to feel pushed out.

Overall, I'd say no because the timing is completely wrong

If it was just the toddler, or if DC 2 was older, I’d make it work (and expect him to be able and willing to do the same).

But, the baby is THREE WEEKS OLD? You’re all still adjusting to being a family of four, and you are still recovering from birthing an entire human.

He’s not unreasonable to want to do this in the future. But he’s very unreasonable to think he can ditch his responsibilities and dump everything on you right now.

It’s not too needy however if you are positive it’s a one off I would personally suck it up . Just don’t get to hung up on doing anything more than the basics - make it a tent in the living room and movie day for your toddler

Ah yes, let's ask another woman to step in so that the man is allowed to act like he doesn't have children.

I would actually hate to be left overnight at 3 weeks PP even if my toddler was elsewhere. It can be extraordinarily lonely in those long nights with a newborn where they don't sleep or sleep for only minutes at a time. And it can feel so scary to be the sole person responsible.

He can go fishing in a few months time OP. Simple as that.

Half a weekend? You’ll be fine! You don’t even need to leave the house.

How sexist is this?!

Nope nope and nope.

Just because you can survive it op doesn't mean you have to. You have a partner that also has a 3 week old baby and toddler why on earth does he even want to leave you all so early knowing you're feeling anxious/concerned. Why isn't he feeling all those same things why isn't his priorities his family not his friends/himself?

3 weeks is nothing you've just given birth presumably still bleeding/possibly have stitches etc are you planning a weekend away now? No you're not and neither should he. You expressed your concerns and he needs to give his head a wobble about his priorities. He should be supporting you and his children.

Yes because 2 year olds are notoriously happy to be stuck in the house all weekend...

I would assume this weekend has been shown to try and accommodate other peoples needs. It would be unreasonable to say he can't attend the fishing trip but it would be reasonable to say that this weekend isn't suitable for your needs. Before baby had arrived or when baby is more like 3-4 months and you are adjusted to life with 2 children. You don't know what temperament baby 2 will be and how your toddler will adapt to having a baby in the house and may need some 1 on 1 time with you and need dad to take baby for some cuddles so you can play with the toddler

Also if 3 weeks is based on due date. It could be actually 1 week if baby is 2 weeks late and in that scenario you could only have been home from hospital a few days. At 3 weeks there are too many unknowns. The trip should be a different weekend

Absolutely not when baby is only 3 weeks! Can’t he go when baby is more like 3 months and then toddler could go to MIL without feeling pushed out?

3 weeks. taking the piss IMO. Sure a bit further down the line, but 3 weeks?

That's not what I meant. If MIL is willing to come then she could be willing to take toddler. Some baby snuggles with no interruptions are precious. it's just a suggestion

I also said the OP is absolutely not being needy not wanting her bloke not to go away. She's perfectly within her rights to tell him she'd rather he stayed.

The reason for the timing will be the close season start soon so it's now or wait until next season. Whether it's reasonable or not depends on OP and how she is happy and feels she can cope. If she doesn't (and as she's posting on MN that's a fair bet) then it's unreasonable.

Are you suggesting that no parent should ever do more than exactly 50%, from the moment a child is conceived and forever after?
Are you one of these couples who both wake together at night to change each nappy?

I wouldn't have liked that your baby is so little you are OK to feel overwhelmed about him going away, I think asking him to wait a couple of months before he does over nights is reasonable.

No way I would have accepted DH swanning off overnight when our second was three weeks old!

Honestly the fact that he’s suggesting his mother come is proof that he knows it’s an unreasonable ask for you to be alone. He just thinks he can pass off the responsibility to the next woman around. Fuck that. He is a father, parenthood comes with responsibilities and sacrifices.

I’m really relaxed about my husband going away and going out, but not when I have a 3 week old and a toddler. Way too soon for trips away with friends!

I think 3 weeks is too soon. What if you end up needing a c section or stitch's etc?

Can't it be pushed back a couple of months?

My husband works away all week, obviously I knew this before I had a baby and planned for it but it was really hard with a toddler too. I had a c section and although I healed really well I would have struggled alone that soon!

Even if birth goes smoothly, it's still too soon imo. It's obviously fine for him to have weekends away but at a more appropriate time! You will have just had a baby and be recovering so you shouldn't have to suck it up!

Your husband is a dick, just for wanting to go when he has a 3 week old.

I assume you’re knackered and not getting much sleep?

I had 2 c sections and wouldn’t have been able to do that.

I looked after my 3 year old and 3 month old this morning for 2 hours and it was difficult.

You could manage with MIL but that’s not the point.

Also, has he offered to give you a break with a night away? Thought not.

Your feelings are valid but in your shoes I’d suck it up. You’ll cope. Definitely say no to the MIL though, that sounds much worse.

Tell your DH you’re nervous about it but will manage. Maybe he can do a few extra nights (or however you split things) to show his appreciation.

No, I wouldn't be OK with this, unless it was a necessary work trip. Given you do have the option of help, would you be OK if the toddler went to MIL for a sleepover, so you only have baby for the night?

It’s Mother’s Day on Sunday if you are in the UK. I’d be pretty pissed off if my husband wanted to go off on a jolly with his mates and leave me solo with a 3 week old baby and 2 year old for half of the day. I’d be politely asking my husband if he could rearrange his fishing trip for around a months time, so that I was a bit more settled with the newborn baby and so that we could spend some nice family time together for Mother’s Day (ideally starting with a little lie-in for me!)

Three weeks is still tiny. I think it is too soon for him to be going away and leaving you on your own.

ummm no way would my husband go away on a random hobby trip when we had a 3wo, much less a toddler and a 3 wo. Do other men really just say we made a baby, you grew it, birthed it and now I’m just going to be an occasional accessory, you need to be able to do this on your own? If you really need help, another woman will have to do it because sure we had a baby but I have a HOBBY for gods sake. So I have to go fishing. Overnight. Really??