Am I being too needy, husband overnight trip.

[Kiwiburgh]

Basically as above, sorry for the rant. Husband really wants to go away fishing with his friends leaving Saturday morning and returning early Sunday afternoon. This will be the first time I'm alone with my toddler (2 years) and newborn who will be 3 weeks. I'm absolutely terrified at the idea and anxious about how I'll cope as I'm already feeling frustrated with my toddler and impact newborn is having. I have no family on the country. Husband has asked his mum if she'd be happy to stay with me overnight and she is happy too but this makes me more anxious as I feel I can't show my true emotions In front of her and they will end up building up.

Basically I don't want him to go this soon but I feel awful asking this of him as he's really excited about it. He's a great husband and dosen't go away on overnight trips with friends often.

Should I just suck it up or are my feelings valid?

@Mimikyuu no he would not be slated if it was the other way around, most sensible people would not understand how a new mother could want to leave her THREE WEEK OLD overnight. And equally it's ridiculous for the man to suggest doing this so he can go on a jolly.

I left my 3 week old over night 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your feelings are definitely valid - perhaps you could speak to your midwife/health visitor about how you feel. They may be able to direct to some resources to help you cope.

WTF @Bonbon249

The man just needs to not fuck off on a jolly when he has a newborn baby. The OP does not need 'directing to resources to help her cope'

What a load of old shit

With a 3 week baby? No way, that's not OK! 3 months I wouldn't be happy, unless MIL could take toddler overnight. But leaving you alone with even just a baby at that age is not on.

With a 3 week baby I wouldn't be happy of he went for an entire afternoon either! Newborn baby, time for family. Hobbies and friends come later.

The difference is between a NEED (so something you have no choice over) and a WANT (something nice that you can live wo).

A fishing trip a WANT. Something nice but that’s it. This guy won’t die, be ill or struggle for weeks after if he doesn’t go away with his mates.

A hospital admission, needing support 3 weeks after birth, or even being a single parent are all NEEDS. You have no choice over them or not getting it will cost you (mentally, emotionally, physically).
In the OP case, she is finding it hard. Adding more pressure but not being present when she needs it will have a LT impact.
eg lack of support is linked to PND (let’s remember she doesn’t have family around either…)

Suck it up you are being totally ridiculous. Millions of people cope with more than 2 day in day out and on their own.

Millions of people are starving to death, is that relevant too? if someone came around and emptied your house of food and locked you in for a few days while they bombed the neighbours house should you just smile and get on with it, or just because millions of people have to live like that does that not actually mean you think it’s fine for you?did you consider saying at least he doesn’t hit you? That was an equally reasonable option too.

There are millions of good dads out there too who regard a baby as a joint responsibility and would not go away for a hobby while baby was under a month old. Let’s not go with the lowest possible standard here.

Not a chance would my partner leave me over in when baby was 3 weeks old for a mates trip! Tell him to stay and suck that up, Jesus

Holy shit, how about her husband wait a couple of months before going away to help her cope?

That doesn’t make sense as he has not given birth

She isn't being ridiculous. My kids are older teens now, but I remember when they were baby and newborn and it was fucking hard and very stressful! A bloke who leaves a 3 week old baby and a toddler with his tired and anxious wife to sod off fishing is a bloody turd. Yes, OP will cope, for sure. Yes millions of people have coped. But that doesn't mean it's the ideal - she should have her partner there in the early days. You know, attending to his responsibilities, instead of having a nice holiday whilst his wife struggles at home! How he can do that in good conscience is beyond me.

Indeed. OP is most likely still bleeding even.

I haven't had a baby in 20 years and it would have been a no back then and would be a no now. She gave birth THREE WEEKS ago and it's a fucking fishing trip. What the heck are all these replies telling her to suck it up?!!!

No. It's all hands on deck with 2 (or more) small ones. I wouldn't presume it would be easier in a few weeks or months either tbh - that's certainly not been my experience anyway.

This bit I don't understand tbh. I don't know about you, but as annoying as periods are, they don't stop me parenting.

I mean, he shouldn't go absolutely, but using lochia as a reason seems bizzare.

It was meant to convey that OP is not in tip top physical condition, having just given birth. The OP is still recovering from having given birth - a standard period isn't recovery from anything.

Our toddler has just turned two and we have a three month old. My husband hasn’t even returned to his weekly football yet! We’ve both been out separately with friends for dinner but left after toddlers bedtime. I think to go on a fishing trip for so long is unreasonable. It’s not just the overnight but multi tasking with children’s completely different needs during the day. I imagine he’s back at work so duel parenting at the weekend is your break, you will be with both during the weekdays. I’d be really disappointed he’s prioritising himself over family in this period of massive adjustment

Ah I see why you're worried - your babies are young and it's so daunting!

You WILL be ok though and you'll wonder why you worried in the first place.

Totally get why you're so unsure and to be TOTALLY honest, my husband would be more likely to say I'll give this one a miss due to baby age, BUT, I'd like to think I'd encourage him to go regardless.

I’m expecting a baby this year and also have a toddler. My husband works 8.30am - 10pm and I’m already so anxious about how I’ll cope after his paternity ends. However, I’ll just have to get on with it as we need his salary.

What I’m trying to say is it os totally normal to be worried but you will be absolutely fine. If you MIL is offering to help then take it. She could take your daughter out for a bit so you can concentrate on the newborn. Totally valid for the way you feel but I’d let him go.

Yes you are

It’s a selfish ask of him but you'll
cope. Just make sure you do the same and make him have the kids overnight too!

You are not being unreasonable and you don’t have to just suck it up! My husband went on a stag do when my second was 3 weeks old and my MIL took my eldest to hers overnight. I don’t think I’d of agreed to it otherwise. It definitely needs a discussion and you need to both be happy with him going. That being said, you will be fine but I would take your MIL up on her help if it’s there.

The people saying suck it up are being grossly insensitive. You’re 3 weeks postpartum AND have a toddler?! Hell yeah, your feelings are valid! What kind of partner would even consider it? I’d be so upset and angry!