Am I being too needy, husband overnight trip.

[Kiwiburgh]

Basically as above, sorry for the rant. Husband really wants to go away fishing with his friends leaving Saturday morning and returning early Sunday afternoon. This will be the first time I'm alone with my toddler (2 years) and newborn who will be 3 weeks. I'm absolutely terrified at the idea and anxious about how I'll cope as I'm already feeling frustrated with my toddler and impact newborn is having. I have no family on the country. Husband has asked his mum if she'd be happy to stay with me overnight and she is happy too but this makes me more anxious as I feel I can't show my true emotions In front of her and they will end up building up.

Basically I don't want him to go this soon but I feel awful asking this of him as he's really excited about it. He's a great husband and dosen't go away on overnight trips with friends often.

Should I just suck it up or are my feelings valid?

We essentially wrote the same thing two minutes apart! Mumsnet jinx.

Three weeks old? Fuck that!!

Like OP’s husband you mean?

He’s not having to work or go on an important trip - he wants to go off on a jolly when he has a 3 week old plus a toddler!

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest but I'm not you so nobody can tell you how you should feel.

Its one night if it was her wanting one night there wouldnt be a problem.

I would have no issue life doesn't stop because of children

This is the most bizarre thread ive read on here in ages 🤣

@Mimikyuu totally agree. People making comparisons between work, hospital admissions and single-parenthood with an indulgent trip night-fishing.

@WandaWonder ~male~ life doesn't stop. At 3 weeks in your life sort of does stop as a mother for a while.

My husband and I do not have the most exciting life but we still managed to maintain things seperate of our child from birth

This. Three weeks is tiny and so new. He needs to fucking wait.

Yes suck it up. It's only one night and his mum has offered to help. I don't see the problem

I can’t believe how many people are saying you should be fine with him going!

My little girl is 4 weeks old and there’s no way my husband would suggest going away for the night and leaving me on my own with her and our very active toddler!

At three weeks I would assume you’re still recovering from birth, unless it was really straightforward, and up several time throughout the night with a newborn?

I think you need to have a conversation with him. Perhaps he could just go for a few hours during the day depending on how far away it is.

Have his mum stay. She’ll can look after your toddler and you can focus on your newborn. It’ll be fine. I bet that your mil will tell you to go and have a rest/take time for you whilst she looks after the two.

This really isn’t a big deal. It’s one night. You will cope.

It wouldn’t bother me, it’s one night. But then I know my husband would also do the same for me if I did want a night away for a spa day as suggested by others, I wouldn’t because I wouldn’t feel up to it, but I wouldn’t stop DH going.

But it’s up to individuals.

3 weeks? You must be kidding.

Nope!

Tell him he can go away fishing for a weekend in summer. You’ll be going away for a weekend to the spa in summer too. ;)

I don’t think you should say Yes to the trip.

In my experience, this is the slippery slope where if you were ok with him going away fur the weekend when the dcs were that young AND you coped with it (aka they were alive at the end - regardless of how it was for you) then surely he can do it again and again right?

Poor man who needs a break etc…

What about you and you getting a break? Would he cope on his own looking after the toddler and a 3 weeks old? Somehow I doubt he’d be up to the challenge and surprise, surprise, everyone would think very badly if you going away for a weekend like that too.

I really don’t think it’s ok.

But MN is full of the super cool wives who either think they cope so you should OR think they would have coped - remembering times when they had a 1 yo rather than a 3 weeks old.
(Neve mind the gaslighting or people telling how you will/will cope despite never having met you!)

Do you know a lot of women who’d want Spa day when they had a newborn?
I was still bleeding profusely then!

And having a spa day in 3 months time is NOT the same fgs.
Oh yes supper daddy coped with a 3 months old and a toddler. How amazing he is! Never mind it’s light years away from coping as a woman still recovering from birth with a newborn …..

Lets stop pretending it’s the same.
Or that his WANT/WISH to have a fun weekend trumps the NEEDS for the OP to have some support now….

With a three week old you're absolutely not being unreasonable. I hope he puts it off a few weeks.

I think you’ve got confused… I said spa day in relation to another poster who said “ask him to look after newborn the next weekend when you go for a spa weekend (he won’t)”

I was explaining that in my circumstances, my husband wouldn’t have an issue. Not that I bloody want one, I literally said I wouldn’t because I wouldn’t be up to it 😂 Jesus Christ woman 😂

I understand it’s what he wants rather than needs. And in my relationship there would be no issue with that…

I'd not be happy being left overnight with a 3 week old newborn and a toddler tbh. I dgaf what anyone else might think of that. My husband took 4 weeks off to help after the birth of each child and yeah he got to do some stuff for himself during that time.. go jogging fairly often, do his hobby for a few hours, meet a friend for a coffee... but I would have gone ballistic if he suggested he might go on a fishing holiday wtf?! I didn't birth 3 of his kids to have him treat first month postpartum like some kind of jolly holiday for him. Honestly I'd hit the roof. Why can't he go fishing with his mates when the baby is a bit older?
I can barely walk into town because of the tearing from birth, I'm still bleeding, I can't leave my baby for more than an hour or so because I'm breastfeeding and they have never had a bottle so far.. something he agreed was best. Absolutely no way he'd be going away overnight with his mates leaving me to deal with all the kids alone.

I don’t really see the difference in the reason why. If this was reversed he would be slated for not being able to look after his own kids for one night.

I totally disagree that you should just suck it up. I would NOT be cool with my DH leaving me with a toddler and newborn unless absolutely essential!