Am I being too needy, husband overnight trip.

[Kiwiburgh]

Basically as above, sorry for the rant. Husband really wants to go away fishing with his friends leaving Saturday morning and returning early Sunday afternoon. This will be the first time I'm alone with my toddler (2 years) and newborn who will be 3 weeks. I'm absolutely terrified at the idea and anxious about how I'll cope as I'm already feeling frustrated with my toddler and impact newborn is having. I have no family on the country. Husband has asked his mum if she'd be happy to stay with me overnight and she is happy too but this makes me more anxious as I feel I can't show my true emotions In front of her and they will end up building up.

Basically I don't want him to go this soon but I feel awful asking this of him as he's really excited about it. He's a great husband and dosen't go away on overnight trips with friends often.

Should I just suck it up or are my feelings valid?

You absolutely do not have to “suck it up” with a 3 week old and young toddler.

Unless there is a very very good reason why this trip has to happen on this specific weekend, then I am amazed he even considered it tbh - and if you aren’t 100% happy then he shouldn’t be going and he should be sensible enough to make that decision himself without putting you in the position to feel like you are not “letting” him.

"suck it up"?!!

Jesus.

No, I wouldn't want this either. A 3 week old and a 2 year old? No. You're still recovering. Why should a fishing trip be more important than that? His priorities are screwed.

I feel you but I would just manage as it's only
A night. I have two children and my husband is going on a weekend away 3 nights 4 days and I must say I'm not looking forward to being on my own with 2 children and doing it all myself and working however I get it's really important for him to have time out so personally I would work it out so you have help
I wouldn't have mil to stay as I'd feel I'd rather have my evenings free
Can you suggest some times so I'e
Id love to have the day with you say 12-5 or something like that and you've then got an extra pair of hands
Get everything sorted for when he is away
I bulk cook in the week to make out food says easier
I do online shopping 7 day meal plan
So I think with the right organisation it can work
Otherwise he may feel resentment and in time you can do something for you
It doesn't have to be a night away it can be a day time thing

I find jt key to have stuff planned as a couple, family and you time
It's so important

X

Actually I'm going to add that as you have a newborn then NO! I wouldn't have been well
Enough when my baby was 3 weeks old so yes at another time but no not 3 weeks x

Is baby already born op? Or presuming you are having a planned section of you know exactly how old he or she will be

Good grief. I was a single mum and had to go back to work full time when DS was 6 weeks old. I didn't have anyone and don't remember being "terrified". You are already a mum so you've done it once already. It's one night.

My husband had a two night golf trip when our twins were weeks old! No idea why he thought it was a good idea or why I agreed to it…I had a friend stay one night and went for Sunday lunch at another friend’s house. He was away with work quite a lot as time went on and I actually enjoyed just getting on with it. I’m sure you’ll be absolutely fine - you will probably feel so much more capable and confident in your abilities afterwards.

I’m currently doing 3 nights a week alone with a 3 month old and a toddler. It’s hard but it’s fine. The worst that will happen is there’ll be some screaming (hopefully from the kids and not you) and you’ll not get much sleep but it’s one night, you’ll be ok 😊

I don't think a conversation around pushing it back slightly so baby is a little older is unreasonable.

I think there's a difference in people whose partner works away regularly in that you know the score before you enter into it.
Similarly, the single parents - where is the benefit of the whole "i'm a single parent and I manage/do it/don't have a choice"? OP isn't a single parent and is feeling anxious over what is essentially a hobby trip that doesn't need to happen and no one will suffer if it's put off a while until she's feeling more confident.

I must be a really shit mother because I'd have really struggled without DH in those early days, and months, because DS literally did not stop screaming for the first year of his life.

You don’t know how the birth will go with your little one. I could barely walk after an emergency c section and I had terrible postpartum health issues that meant I was in hospital for a week after my
baby was born- I was so sick, and needed my husband around, even with my MIL who came to help. I don’t want to worry you but in my opinion he should wait until the baby is a bit older and to know how you’re recovering x

THIS!!

Suck it up

i had a c section and the doctors and physio were extremely hard line about not lifting anything for 6 weeks. No way could I have safely managed my 2 year old without DH there

This place is crazy!

So many threads about guests only visiting the baby if they also bring food, do chores etc because having a new baby is 'so difficult'.

Ones about how dads after paternity leave ends should come straight home so mum can have a break because is 'so difficult'.

Ones about how dads should make up a packed lunch and do all chores so mum can concentrate fully on baby and recovery, because its 'so hard'.

This is second baby, so ignore the above, just get on with it by yourself, and juggle a toddler at the same time or you're basically acting incapable.

What on earth!

This isn't his best friends wedding, or his grandmothers funeral. Its night fishing. He can wait.

Problem with 10 weeks plus is teething starts sometime after this and the wonderful [often brief] 'settled' goes out the window.

Thanks for everyone's opinions on this, appreciate it. I spoke to DH and he is more than ok with pushing it back. Agreed for a months time. It might not be easier by then but at least by then my hormones should be much more settled and thus less anxious and weepy,which I think right now is my main problem.
😊
Also to add, yeah I wish mother on law would take my 2 year old to stay at her house. That would have solved all my problems for the night unfortunately for an unknown reason she does not do this.

Bloody hell I was ready to call you unreasonable right up until I got to the bit about the baby only being 3 weeks old. Divorce lawyer?

My god I don’t understand people saying suck it up on here. Is he daft?? Three weeks old? Absolutely crazy to consider leaving you alone. No way.

Sorry to post again but I see your DH agreed to push it out by a month. I’d say push it out 6 months. This just isn’t ok. I mean you wouldn’t leave your newborn so why should he?

Hey, it was my suggestion to push it out by a month but we'll still judge it closer to the time. With my first I was feeling much better by that time so hopefully I'll be all good for him to be away for a night then 🤞

I actually think it's easier when they're small?🙈 A three week old will either be asleep or breastfeeding most of the time . If they're fussy, pop them in a wrap. A 4 /6/8month old is an entirely different story

3 weeks is very early. You need support at night too. He should leave it a little longer i think

It's good you've been able to talk about it and come to an agreement. That bodes well for future children related discussions! Well done OP

Ah ya, I know we used to get a week where we thought we had 'cracked' the whole thing. Then he'd go through a change etc and back to square one.

I just think I'd feel more settled into think myself, the shift from 1 to 2 kids after 10 weeks. They aren't brand new and you have a better idea of who baby no 2 is as a person and what they like/ dislike.

No I wouldn't be happy. And assuming he's night fishing he will come back ready for bed? Ask him how he will feel when you go the weekend after?
Personally unless something really important I think both parents should be together at the end of the day. As others have said he can fish when he retires!! Until then he's dad and you need him x