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Original poster

Am I being too needy, husband overnight trip.

209 replies

Kiwiburgh · 06/03/2024 12:09

Basically as above, sorry for the rant. Husband really wants to go away fishing with his friends leaving Saturday morning and returning early Sunday afternoon. This will be the first time I'm alone with my toddler (2 years) and newborn who will be 3 weeks. I'm absolutely terrified at the idea and anxious about how I'll cope as I'm already feeling frustrated with my toddler and impact newborn is having. I have no family on the country. Husband has asked his mum if she'd be happy to stay with me overnight and she is happy too but this makes me more anxious as I feel I can't show my true emotions In front of her and they will end up building up.

Basically I don't want him to go this soon but I feel awful asking this of him as he's really excited about it. He's a great husband and dosen't go away on overnight trips with friends often.

Should I just suck it up or are my feelings valid?

OP posts:
Charlotte244 · 09/03/2024 19:39

Don’t listen to people telling you to ‘suck it up’. It’s not the 1950’s. To be honest I think your husband is completely unreasonable for even suggesting this. Tell him he can’t go and also tell him he’s an arsehole for making you have to tell him that he can’t go!

Blueflower1612 · 09/03/2024 20:24

In the nicest possible way, yes you do sound needy. What is it that is worrying you so much? One night away is not ideal with a newborn but still doable. If he was away a week then I might understand why you were worried about it. I think it’s fair for him to have his own time but maybe on a date that is more suitable and when you feel more comfortable if its possible to negotiate.

Blueflower1612 · 09/03/2024 20:26

I think both parents should be entitled to me time. There is nothing wrong with the father going away for the night. I am sure he would be happy to return the favour.

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ISpyNoPlumPie · 09/03/2024 20:31

Suck it up? Tragic that people have such low standards in their relationships. Also love the whole “let him have his down time, he can/will do the same for you”. Yes. That’s how that always plays out isn’t it? Especially when you’re breastfeeding. Oh what a shame! You can’t physically leave the baby, but I’d be totally fine with you going away for the weekend even though you can’t. Your family comes first, he needs to grow up. My DH wouldn’t do this to me in a million years. I am not a cool wife. We are a team.

MintyCedric · 09/03/2024 20:37

I’ve always been very laid back about this kind of thing, but a three week old and a toddler…nope.

Unless there’s absolutely no chance he’ll ever get the opportunity again he needs to let this one slide.

BakewellGin1 · 09/03/2024 20:37

Everyone is different and therefore will have different ideas of what's ok and what is not.

Personally it wouldn't bother me. DH went back to work by week 2 and works away so no different to my usual life really for me.

Equally I had a night away when baby was approx 9 weeks old as it was a close friend's hen do. DH had baby and older child for 2 days then too.

What works for one relationship doesn't work in another.

Daisyblue77 · 09/03/2024 20:48

You are not needy at all. 3 weeks is the time exhaustion hits, he should not of even thought of going. The fact be asked his mum to help proves he knows you need help. He needs to suck it up and be a parent. How much does he do? Does he do night feeds? Give you time
to take care of yourself? Have a bath, nap ect;

donteatthedaisies0 · 09/03/2024 20:50

Ah come on your a grown woman , you can cope with an overnight with your two babies unless you have illness or disability means you need the overnight support ? Women are really strong people 💪🏻 . It's only one night , have you never spent any time just for yourself ?

Kellz97 · 09/03/2024 21:00

Is it possible to have a friend round on the Saturday? Afternoon/evening for a couple of hours? To break up your day and give you an extra pair of hands. And his mum to come visit on the Sunday morning in case you’ve had a rough night you’ll know you’re not alone for long. Personally I would try to make an exception especially if this doesn’t happen all the time, so that vice versa when you have something pop up there will be no guilt on either end.
and of course dad would need to have the children Sunday evening so you can take a well deserved bath x

BeeHappy12 · 09/03/2024 21:02

A father going on an overnight trip when his child is 3 weeks old... Why?!

Bo1978 · 09/03/2024 21:07

My partner fishes too and I am due in 7 weeks time. We also have a DD age 6. It’s not the older one that’s the issue as I’m sure you have a sort of routine, but a 3 week old?! I’d be saying absolutely no way. It’s far too soon as new routines won’t have been established yet and you must be exhausted. Like others have said, you wouldn’t be going, so why should he right now? There’s plenty of time to fish when things have settled down at home. He’s an equal parent, so it’s not fair. Completely get not wanting MIL there when your emotions are raw too - just more pressure to have to put on an act.

Lampslights · 09/03/2024 21:11

I’d be ok with this but I married a military man. I do feel though if you’re not comfortable you need to tell him. He will just have to miss his trip and understand,

HMW1906 · 09/03/2024 22:18

I wouldn’t be thrilled. My husband had to work away when our youngest was around 6 weeks and oldest was 2 year and it was bloody hard, obviously it wasn’t his choice though.

Could your oldest go and have a little ‘holiday’ at grandmas for the night rather than grandma staying with you? We had to do that occasionally with my oldest when my husband was working away, he loved it and it meant I only had the baby to sort out.

RainbowNinja77 · 09/03/2024 22:40

I actually think 3 weeks is too early. A husband’s role at that stage is to help create a nurturing bubble around you, so you can get on with the demanding job of mothering a small newborn. He can go fishing another time.

Harry12345 · 09/03/2024 23:02

Josienpaul · 09/03/2024 15:08

It’s a selfish ask of him but you'll
cope. Just make sure you do the same and make him have the kids overnight too!

Show quote history

How do you have any idea how she will cope? I certainly wouldn’t have

NMOB · 09/03/2024 23:10

3 weeks after giving birth ??? There is no world where your husband f’ing off fishing is ok

WoodBurningStov · 09/03/2024 23:14

I'm usually fairly laid back about weekends away and think it's good for adults to have time alone doing hobbies or seeing friends.

But 3 weeks after giving birth and looking after a baby and a toddler - no fucking way!

Isitreallythough · 09/03/2024 23:41

Seems much too early to me, and my husband definitely would not have considered it. More to the point your feelings sound like more than resentment or nervousness here, and your feelings matter!

TeabySea · 09/03/2024 23:52

Is it the thought of managing two young children (or rather a toddler and a newborn) on your own that is causing you concern?
Or the thought of your DH being away?

Not trying to negate your feelings either way but obviously if you're sleep deprived and toddler-wrangling that's a different situation to just feeling alone, so to speak.

Would he consider just making it an all-day rather than overnight?
Could it be postponed until the baby is a bit older and sleep has settled (hopefully) down?
Do you have anyone else (family or friend) that could come and stay over to help you out if you're feeling overwhelmed?

MixedCouple · 10/03/2024 00:28

3 weeks old. Uhhhhhh he can go another time. The first 4/6months are intense. Plus a toddler. No sorry but that's is selfish. I am due DC2 in July and if my DH said that I would flip out major. It would have to be a Massive emergency I.e elderly parents passing away / dying etc.

If he still goes ahead with said trip I hope you are booking a weekend getaway at a later date and leave him with both kids.

MsCactus · 10/03/2024 01:10

It's a no from me, unless you've also had a weekend away since the baby was born?

Twirlingqueen · 10/03/2024 04:53

You’ve got this 💪🏼! What’s the worst that could happen? And you’ve banked your self a future night too!

beAsensible1 · 10/03/2024 04:58

No he shouldn’t be going anywhere your 3 weeks pp.

he needs to rearrange

Apulina · 10/03/2024 05:52

You are not being unreasonable. I'm guessing you're at a stage where few of your basic needs are being met, and he wants you to have even fewer met so he can go off and have fun! And remember, it is not you stopping him from going on the trip, it is his responsibility as a father stopping him. I'd be fuming.

Mrsmozza123 · 10/03/2024 06:40

@Kiwiburgh 3weeks is very soon to be leaving you with a newborn, it’s all hands on deck at that stage. BUT it’s also a marathon, not a sprint so ensuring you both get a break is a good idea. Sounds like this is too soon for you though .

How is your post partum recovery going, physically/mentally? 2-3 weeks is emotionally so vulnerable from what I remember. And physically still sweaty and painful. 😒

If he did lot of the prep work before he went away would you feel more comfortable? …like he does things to set you up for success - tidy and organise the house, make sure you are stocked up with nappies upstairs/downstairs, food prepped for meals, toddlers clothes laid out etc.

Is your MIL someone you can build trust with? Over the last few years I have discovered my MIL is someone I can have a more ‘real’ relationship with than my own mother. She’s more practical and less idealistic. Might be an opportunity to build a bond with her. Or, could she take the toddler so you just have the baby?

otherwise, if you don’t feel recovered enough to be left ask him to postpone.