Am I being too needy, husband overnight trip.

[Kiwiburgh]

Basically as above, sorry for the rant. Husband really wants to go away fishing with his friends leaving Saturday morning and returning early Sunday afternoon. This will be the first time I'm alone with my toddler (2 years) and newborn who will be 3 weeks. I'm absolutely terrified at the idea and anxious about how I'll cope as I'm already feeling frustrated with my toddler and impact newborn is having. I have no family on the country. Husband has asked his mum if she'd be happy to stay with me overnight and she is happy too but this makes me more anxious as I feel I can't show my true emotions In front of her and they will end up building up.

Basically I don't want him to go this soon but I feel awful asking this of him as he's really excited about it. He's a great husband and dosen't go away on overnight trips with friends often.

Should I just suck it up or are my feelings valid?

And if this trip was actually on Mother’s Day I’d say he can go that’s fine but I’m changing the fucking locks. What a shitty way to treat you.

I had to be on my own on a regular basis from the birth of our first son- by emergency C-section. The choice of not wanting to or being scared was just not an option. You can do it, honest.

Do you have a good friend or sister, etc, who could come and spend the week-end with you?

Against the grain slightly but I would never have left a three week old baby in this situation and I don't junk your husband is being fair by doing so

Ordinarily I'd say fine ,it's one night, you'll manage, but no decent father husband would even ask when baby is 3 weeks old IMO

this, why would he want to leave his young baby and wife overnight for a hobby its so inconsiderate.

Really don't see what the problem is. My husband work away mon to Fri and was no exception after both children at 2weeks PP. I just got on with it

I think it's too soon when you have a three week old. Too bad if he's disappointed, he should have worked out for himself that this was one he was going to have to pass.

Hmm. I'm on the fence with this. My husband works away once or twice a fortnight and had 3 weeks paternity leave so the likelihood is ill have a 4 week old and a 5 year old and he will have to go away overnight. I guess the difference is he probably wouldn't go away through choice that early on

Hi OP

My DH had to do an overnight for work when DD2 was 3 weeks old and DD1 had just turned 3. My parents took DD1 overnight that night so I only had to worry about looking after the baby by myself. Could MIL help out in this way?

No he shouldn't be going off and leaving you with a three week baby. Does he think he is still a single man? He was there when the baby was conceived so he knew what was happening. He sounds utterly selfish.

(And it is mother's day)!

Im not gonna beat around the bush i`ll say it how i see it.
Sorry but you are the mum an adult that made 2 babies live alone married get on with it.
Your a parent now there will be days when you have to be by yourself with both kids.
Think of the single mums and dads that have to do it every day alone.

Can his mum have the toddler to stay overnight at her house?

YANBU at all.
I have a 5 week old and toddler and would be furious if DH thought this was acceptable to even ask. He is going on a stag do when baby will be 3 months and even that took some deliberation to decide if it was ok, and I felt it was. But THREE weeks?! I haven't been able to any toddler bedtimes yet because newborn is still evening cluster feeding. Your DH is unreasonable to even ask this of you, he's making you into the one to say no, when he should have the grown up awareness to just tell his mates not this time, sorry.

3 weeks is too soon.
3 - 6 months is probably more realistic, when you will be a more recovered from the birth, and the baby might (🤞) be sleeping better.

I'd push back now, but suggest something in the summer.

I mean work is different isn't it lots of dad's work away and they have to go back, doing an overnight hobby when your wife would rather you didn't because you have a young family is selfish imo.

3 weeks??! Bloody hell these entitled men and their need for excessive down time. Just no! I bet you'd love 24 hours alone wouldn't you, but you can't because 3 week old newborn and toddler. Not fair. It's a nope from me.
Tell him to ask again in 6 months.

3 weeks old is very young to be leaving you if he doesn't have to (it's not work, it's not a close wedding, he surely knew what young babies are like!) - does baby reliably sleep somewhere that isn't on you yet?

If he does end up going, I agree with PP suggesting MIL takes the toddler so you are just dealing with the baby - has toddler stayed with her before? What did you do when you were having the baby?

Thanks everyone. Its greats great hearing people thoughts since mine are still tainted with the hormone changes. We live in Newzealand so won't be mothers day here.
Unfortunately MIL won't take DS1 herself overnight, tbh I'll be lucky if she even takes him out to the park round the corner.
I'm just going to have to discuss with DH about my feelings. I'm always encouraging him to see his friends but I think deep down I'd rather they reschedule for at least one months time. Not that it will be easier by then but at least I'll be more confident in myself.

Talk about molly cuddling MN adults.
Its one night and their your children get on with it ive never known it.

... also it is absolute male privilege and entitlement that he would pass any of that extra load on to his own mum - another woman so he can dilly-dally about on a river bank while the ladies roll up their sleeves and 'get on with it' (as PP have indicated).

Have you read about some of the entitled women on here.
Cant clean up cant do laundry cant go out just because they have children or a baby.
And now adult mums cant look after their own children alone for one night.

I am usually alone with both kids every weekend due to the nature of DP's job, but even I can't be on board with this. DP actually did go away when my baby was a few weeks old for work one night, and it just so happened that that night, my DS4 puked all over the bed and the carpet, I was on my knees scrubbing whilst DS was vomiting in the toilet and baby was screaming in the crib. Thankfully my mum came to help at 1am but it was bloody hard work.

If MIL is happy to come for a night to help, I'd definitely accept it. But I wouldn't be thrilled at being left for a night only 3 weeks in when it's a night away for pleasure, not a work commitment which can't be avoided.

Stupid comment. Do you have children? The first weeks of having a baby are such a blur of sleeplessness and trying to cope and that is without putting a toddler into the mix. Why on earth should he bugger off for a jolly. The timing is totally wrong.

@spicedlemonpie I can't say I have, honestly. By entitled I mean they think they can do what they want, when then want; no consideration for their wife or children, to indulge in a hobby.
Entitled vis-a-vis overwhelmed. Not the same thing at all.