How do you deal with your child not being invited to a party . She is so upset

[Tryingmybestadhd]

My daughter is 6 and in a small class ( 13 and only 4 girls ) She is the only girl not invited to another girls party in her class . She came home in tears and it’s honestly heartbreaking. They’re where both girls and boys invited so I don’t think it was a numbers issue . To make it worse this girl is one of those that never shuts up and spend all day speaking about her coming party .
How do you deal with this ? She is so upset .
There m no know issues with this girl either .
As an adult I obviously understand the parents are not obligated to to invite everyone but I feel pretty upset as we previously had this girl in 2 of my daughters parties . Altough I don’t think I will invite her anymore for future ones

Small class.. private school? We had similar in reception, we managed the best we could but mentioned, in passing, to the headteacher that he was the only one not invited and he could see it as his was the only tray without an invitation in it.

She made sure to make a point about how horrible it was to cherry pick children to exclude for parties in the next newsletter, she also asked parents to talk to their children about kindness, it is a birthday party not a bloody wedding after all.

Obviously, the above only applies to small groups were is absolutely clear that a very small minority of children had been excluded.

My dd was left out of 2 girls parties as I believe it was cuz me and both mothers didn't get on growing up. They were all good friends in school, something I hoped wouldn't happen as worried about the likes of this. I returned the favour by leaving both out of dd party and dd was invited to both girls parties the rest of the years then. Sometimes it's the parents who don't like the other parent.

Yeah that's shit and would hurt me also!
4 girls in the class and only one not invited? Bollocks.

I totally agree and would do a lovely day out with her to distract.

Thank you. I can’t believe the number of posts telling op to lie/cover it up/invalidate her child’s feelings
Surely parenting starts with honesty. There may be millions of parties ops dd won’t be invited to, and she won’t care too much, but hopefully not parties of her closest friends!

Hang on....inviting someone to your party does not make you entitled to go to theirs. There should be no expectation an invitation will be reciprocated. If budget, space etc is no object and this allows you to do reciprocal invitations and also ensure DCs friends are invited, that's great. But for many people there is budget/space/number of heads to consider. So if budget means there is a choice between a classmate DC doesn't really play with (but invited DC to their party) or a friend (who didn't have a party but they play with), then it's perfectly reasonable that the friend gets the invitation.

Being friends at 3 doesn't mean you are still friends at 6. Kids do make new friends at school and drift away from old ones.

How many of your friends repeatedly come to your house for dinner parties but invite other friends to their dinners and never you?

And if this is happening to you, what would MN call you?

A doormat.
And the friend a CF
There is no difference.

Of course there's a difference @Lastchancechica

A child at 6 isn't the same as a child of 3. Parties change, circumstances change.

Or are you suggesting I should still be rigidly inviting the same 30 children who were in my son's reception class to his birthday celebrations now he's 17?

@Lastchancechica I agree with everything you've said. It would be a totally different thing if the children were just classmates, but from what the OP has written, these four girls have been in a small friendship group since aged 3. The little girl in question has every right to feel left out and upset.

Where do you draw the line with this approach? At some point, most kids start having smaller parties.

Happened to me as a 5 year old, my twin was even invited but I wasn't. I was so upset and left out that I remember it to this day. My mum let my twin go, and told me the party will all be forgotten about by Monday, it was!

Dinner parties. Maybe.

@wutheringkites Well let's hope the OP's daughter downsizes her next birthday party and doesn't invite this girl.

There is a difference - if you were inviting your whole office to your dinner party you would not be automatically invited to each of their houses when they had a smaller group over for dinner

Friends reciprocate each others invitations because they want to and not because they feel they have to 'return the favour' or because their Mum's told them they have to. No doormats or CFs in my life but thanks for the concern lol.

Jeez. I can't believe multiple adults are encouraging someone to exclude a 7 year year old as an act of revenge.

Whatever happened to taking the high ground?

There are a number of options between the mumsnet extremes of timid doormat vs being spiteful and petty.

So children should expect a invite based on gender?
If she invited 13 children there's a reason to be angry but if she's invited half the class she hasn't singled op's child out there's just 6 children she likes more.

@wutheringkites So what's the alternative, to invite her? What's the middle ground between not inviting and inviting?

Letting her daughter decide who she wants to invite? This should be about her, not her mother 🤷🏻‍♀️

@autiebooklover I never said it had anything to do with gender. I only stated the number of children of each gender as a previous poster implied I said there were only four children in the class. I didn't, I said there were four girls, the other children are obviously boys.

Op it’s not just you, some of these responses are beyond unhinged. Please try to step back from the vindictive nastiness you’re being urged to carry out.

as said, unless this is a whole class party then there is no issue here. Children can be friends with whatever child they wish, irrelevant of gender, your child isn’t entitled to attend another girls party over a closer boy friend, by virtue of her being a girl. It’s a terrible message to give her.

nor should you be deciding who attends her parties. That’s her call.

has she a dad who is involved? If you struggle to cope with this sort of thing, if there is, maybe you could ask him to help you?

mines a young adult now, and you’ve a long road ahead. Finding out what’s the situation here, talking to your child, the other parent if necessary, is the way to go, not some well I will treat them worse vendetta. It only harms your child and ignore anyone urging you to gp that route.

@Juliet55 oh well your post reads like your saying there's 4 girls and ones been left out which is mean and nasty. That sound like your saying op's dc should have got an invite for being a girl.

The parents sound awful, who leaves out one girl in the class?! It's really unkind and thoughtless. Are you sure she is not going to get an invitation?

A child having a small party who invites her closest friends irrelevant of gender. That’s who.

@autiebooklover no, she should have been invited as, according to the OP, she's part of her friendship group. At the end of the day, a little girl has been terribly upset at being left out. Have some people on here no heart?

Of course she's upset, that's perfectly normal but it still doesn't mean she's entitled to a party invitation. It's a tough but necessary lesson that everyone learns at a young age, you don't always get invited.

It also isn't her birthday and it isn't her party. Ultimately, this should be about who the birthday girl wants there and maybe she'd be upset if OP's DD was invited instead of one of the boys because ultimately, that seems like who she has picked instead.