How do you deal with your child not being invited to a party . She is so upset

[Tryingmybestadhd]

My daughter is 6 and in a small class ( 13 and only 4 girls ) She is the only girl not invited to another girls party in her class . She came home in tears and it’s honestly heartbreaking. They’re where both girls and boys invited so I don’t think it was a numbers issue . To make it worse this girl is one of those that never shuts up and spend all day speaking about her coming party .
How do you deal with this ? She is so upset .
There m no know issues with this girl either .
As an adult I obviously understand the parents are not obligated to to invite everyone but I feel pretty upset as we previously had this girl in 2 of my daughters parties . Altough I don’t think I will invite her anymore for future ones

In the nicest way - get used to it. It always happens at least once and it hurts. But try to see it for what it is - you will forget in a few weeks. I usually invite the kid back to our party if my DC wants - I try to be the bigger person.

out of interest, I never let my kids leave out only one or two girls as it is so hurtful. I have realised many parents aren’t so nice!!

Quite, my dds close friends wouldn’t dream of doing this. Ever.

Don't send that message.

Perhaps it was a numbers thing, perhaps she was forgotten, perhaps the little girl didn't want your daughter at the party or maybe this particular one for her own personal reasons. Children have feelings and emotions too..they also know who they want to hang around and don't.

Maybe the parents tried to convince their daughter to invite yours, but the little girl was adamant about not inviting her.

Don't send a letter or anything. That is being petty, showing desperation, not being respectful. Don't hold a grudge against the child or parents.. don't stop inviting their daughter, unless there is conflict among the parents, harmful to your daughters well being, or only if your daughter decides not to invite her.

It's tough, but unfortunately it is a life lesson that your daughter needed to learn at some point in life.

Hopefully this doesn't have a lifelong impact and impression on your daughter. Hopefully at 30, she won't be telling of the way this traumatized her.

I suggest you have a sit down with her and explain that she won't be invited to everything, and that it's okay not to be.

Perhaps you can plan a special day for her, if she had 1 available friend, perhaps invite them over.

This breaks my heart..but it is a life lesson we all learn eventually.

You have not acknowledged how devastated the CHILD is, nor acknowledged the close friendship that has existed for so long (half of the child’s life) I think that is missing from your post. Which is after all the whole point of the thread.

It’s not about the parent at all, and their feelings but the child’s feelings of rejection and hurt.Edited

I did acknowledge the child's feelings. It's entirely normal and expected that a child would be upset and disappointed by not having an invite.

They've been friends since nursery and this child has been to 2 of the OP's daughters parties. At nursery most children play with most other children. I don't think it's unusual for a transition to happen when parties move away from whole class parties to a smaller number of closer friends.

In a class of 30 nobody would bat an eyelid if around 8 children were given an invite, but because it's a small class with 4 girls who, at least by some adults, seem to be viewed as "the girls" as a group, it's going to be an issue for the next few years.

It's entirely understandable to feel empathy when your child is upset about something. It's quite another to decide that even if your child wanted to invite another child to their party, you wouldn't because you don't owe anything to that family etc. To place adult tit for tat and point scoring above whatever your own child wishes for their party is an adult issue, not a child issue.

I also wonder if it's assumed they are close because they happen to be girls when it actually isn't the case, they might be friends but the other girl might not consider them to be best friends.

I also wonder if it's assumed they are close because they happen to be girls when it actually isn't the case, they might be friends but the other girl might not consider them to be best friends
I wondered that too, especially in a small class.

In a larger class you probably wouldn't get the same the girls viewed as close friends because there's 10-18 girls in the class. It's generally accepted in larger classes that friendships change and that children playing with each other and being friends doesn't equal being best friends. A child in a typical class inviting a smaller number of mixed sex friends to their party wouldn't raise anyone's eyebrows.

If the criteria for an invite is being the same sex, friends since nursery, had invited to parties in previous years then there's never going to be an "acceptable" time to do parties another way.

I also wonder if it's assumed they are close because they happen to be girls when it actually isn't the case, they might be friends but the other girl might not consider them to be best friends

I totally get this, my 6YO DD was 1 of 3 girls in her reception class and is currently one of 6 girls in a class of 17. Her best friend is a girl but beyond that she’s closer to the boys. Only one of the other girls would she probably consider to be a close friend even though they do all play together, and spend a lot of the time at school as ‘the girls’ because they have difficulty sport choices eg ballet or karate, football or hockey and the kids do choose as you would stereotypically expect for their sex. That said, no one in the class is yet to deviate from a whole of class party. And when the girls are used to being a package deal at school it would be particularly cruel IMO to exclude only 1.

Oh god don't send this begging note, it's horrendous and embarrassing.

I wouldn't not be able to say anything to the party girl's parents. Maybe they just didn't think? When only 3 out of 18 people RSVPd to my DD's party and even fewer turned up (luckily I invited other kids in anticipation) , I let it be known to the other parents what I thought of their actions. Some privately messaged me to talk about their own experience whilst most just didn't care. However this was my daughter's last year at the school so that may have made a difference to me doing this

We had similar OP with DD. I was also friendly with the mum and in the WhatsApp. What annoyed me was that as acquaintances I’d have expected mum - v forthright person- to tell me the party was coming up and DD was not invited. She knows we’d not expect an invite but I was upset when she left it for DD ( and I ) to discover she was the only one in school not invited, when no one was to be seen after school ( mum drinks etc too). It hurts to find out you’ve be excluded and to not know why. I’d not have minded if she’d told me

This happened to my daughter when she was six - the whole class were invited to a party except her and one other girl. The other girl’s mother said she thought her child was excluded because of racism, which was probably true, but this did not apply to us. The party took place after school and all the other kids left together on a minibus, having been talking about it all day. I remember their class teacher managed to show me she thought it was unkind by pulling a sad face as she signed my daughter out. My daughter was good friends with the boy whose party it was and he told her he was angry with his mother for not inviting her. I was pretty shocked, and wanted to get to the bottom of it all, but never did. I literally never found a way to mention it to the mother, we weren’t friends particularly but we were always polite and I am not aware of there ever being any problems between us (other than this party). Our kids ended up being at the same school together until they were 18 and they always got on well. They’re 19 now. The mother became a teaching assistant at the primary school and is still there to this day apparently. I’m glad now that I never spoke to her about the party, but I still remember it very clearly, so I understand how much it hurts.

We have had the same tonight it broke my heart to see my daughter cry she is in year four and has had a party every year except Covid and has had two parties where she invited every child and one where due to numbers she just invited all the girls. She has never been invited to a party today she watched as another round of party invites where handed out without her name on she’s so upset.

That would be ridiculous, same as going to the teacher

My child was told when they start school they will not be invited to every party and we invite their friends not the entire school

It is up to us as parents to manage child's expectations

Hello. Today i am so devastated. My son is 7 years old and today he came home and told me that one boy in his class has a birthday and invitation was given to everyone in the class except him and 2 new kids that joined the class this week. I am so broken-hearted. He has been in this class for 1 year and a half and i still feel like he is struggling to find good friends.

I just wanted to say it will be OK. He will find his friends. U have all summer to have a great time and don't even let him give it a second thought. As a Mum I know u won't forget, however help u're Son through it x