How do you deal with your child not being invited to a party . She is so upset

[Tryingmybestadhd]

My daughter is 6 and in a small class ( 13 and only 4 girls ) She is the only girl not invited to another girls party in her class . She came home in tears and it’s honestly heartbreaking. They’re where both girls and boys invited so I don’t think it was a numbers issue . To make it worse this girl is one of those that never shuts up and spend all day speaking about her coming party .
How do you deal with this ? She is so upset .
There m no know issues with this girl either .
As an adult I obviously understand the parents are not obligated to to invite everyone but I feel pretty upset as we previously had this girl in 2 of my daughters parties . Altough I don’t think I will invite her anymore for future ones

It's probably a good thing your DD is not in school tomorrow. Gives you some time to cool down.
Be the bigger person. Don't mention it to the other Mum and just focus on your DD and making sure she's ok.
Does she have any other friends she can meet up with on the day of the party?

You will sound like the psycho-mother -from-hell.

@SouthLondonMum22 She's only 6, poor little thing, there's a tiny number of girls in her class who she's been friends with and "done stuff with", parties etc since the age of 3. To be the only girl in their friendship group not to be invited is bluddy mean in my opinion. If it was my daughter's party I would have let her invite who she wanted but I'd have pointed out to her that it's unfair to leave this little girl out. I'm not well off by any means, but I'd have damned well made sure I could afford to include this little girl.

So there are 13 children. 4 girls
And 9 boys in the class

You said 3 girls
And 4 boys been invited /saw the invites

So 7children

So half the class

So 5 boys and 1 girl your dd not invited

You could have a word to the teacher

At our school if not all are invited then invites are put in the drawers

Not given out

Only all class are given out

The other little girl is a similar age though and maybe there's a good reason why she didn't want her there. Maybe they just aren't as close as OP thinks now they are getting older, could also be many other reasons and if the party does have a number limit for whatever reason then it could risk upsetting the other little girl who's party it actually is because she wants someone else there instead.

If finances are tight, especially a possibility since this is her first birthday party then maybe they can't just magic up the money for an extra child even if they wanted to.

The parent is probably just trying to make her daughter happy, no different to OP.

agree. Effectively the ops position is the mother should have paid for an 8th place, as her daughter is a girl so was entitled to an invite, or a boy who the birthday girl was closer to should have been disinvited, in favour of her daughter , again because she’s a girl.

im surprised by the amount of people who think limited party invites shouldn’t be about the friends you’re closest to, but be about gender.

the mother probably didn’t even think about it, just said you’ve six kids you can invite who are your six best mates.

i probably commited rhe same faux pas. As for me it was you’ve 6 invites darling, who is your best friends, at no point did I decide for my child or dictate based on their genitalia.

This child invited only a couple of kids in the class. It's not bullying.

This: I’m inviting the whole class apart from that girl when it comes to my DD daughter

Is bullying OP. I really hope you don't do this.

Please don't do this it puts them in such an awkward position

Absolutely not - poor mother. My friend recently got so stressed and anxious receiving messages like this from other parents at her daughters school when she had only 5 children over for a party. It gave her sleepless nights. Parents who plan parties aren't trying to be mean or exclude children intentionally

It’s horrible isn’t it, my little boy was so upset when he wasn’t invited to a party ( he was really good friends with the boy) it was a trampoline party so I explained about number and that but it was still difficult to explain to a distraught 5 year old.
I do wonder if it is because he has never had a birthday party as his birthday is in the summer holidays at the end of August.

As the mother of a young child, I would not contact the mother of the birthday girl to try and guilt-trip her into inviting your daughter. I also would not contact the school to share how upset your daughter is in the hope that they will somehow communicate that to Birthday Girl's mum and, again, try to guilt trip her into inviting your daughter.
The best thing you can do is to ask the school if they can double check that there hasn't been an invite for your daughter left in a drawer somewhere. It would prompt them to check to ensure it wasn't misplaced or it would give them a reason to double check with the mum.
One thing that has surprised me is just how early kids start the whole 'I like X, I don't like Y' thing at school. My DC often says Z is not her friend, while X is her best friend.
I understand it is upsetting for the child that's not invited, but sometimes host parents have a relatively smaller budget so will stick to inviting the children their DC/s want to invite. You can't meddle with that. It's about the host and their child's wishes.

It’s staggering the way pp have minimised this by saying why should s
ops dd expect an invite just because she is a girl.,.

No, it’s not because she is a girl for the very last time!

Its because they have been very close friends since they were 3!!

Said girl has been to two of ops parties already.

So yes it’s totally crap behaviour.

So many people pleasers on this thread. Falling over themselves to make excuses for the poor behaviour and manners of the other parent.

You sound quite unhinged. As does the OP. No one likes seeing their young child upset, but I can’t imagine that having a mother whose response to her child not being invited to a classmate’s party is this kneejerk and violent is helping.

The other mother knows exactly what she is doing, assuming the invite hasn’t gone astray.

If it's a whole class party and OP's child is the only one left out then that's awful. Regardless of who's invited school should be stepping in if this girl is holding court about the party daily.
It doesn't sound like a whole clas party though. It sounds like around half the class hasn't got an invite.

It's common to move away from whole class/all the girls sort of parties at some point in primary school. Most people don't do primary school invites based on whether the children did parties together at 3, otherwise it's setting up for 7 years of whole class parties.

Well clearly they aren’t the closest friends. If they were that close friends she’d have been invited, the kids invited are the closest friends. I’m sure they are friends, just not as close as the other 6. What you’re posting is utterly illogical. If they were the closest friends she’d have been invited.

Hysterical posts like this do the op and her kid no favours. There are going to be a shit load of parties this child isn’t invited to. And a shit load she is invited to and others aren’t. Whole class parties are not a thing for everyone due to cost and logistics. It doesn’t mean the girls aren’t friends.

personally I’d have no issue with someone having a small party and inviting the kids she wishes, I’d just support my child to understand why.

I’d back the fuck away though from any parent who had a whole class party and excluded one kid as some form of revenge because they felt their kid was entitled to an invite to their small party months before. That’s just nasty behaviour which I would not support.

Bang on: clearly they are not close friends.

This

So why the hysteria about a child not inviting a child who isn’t a close friend to her small birthday party, @Lastchancechica ?

Youd need to ask the op. But for her daughter it’s the most normal thing in the world for a kid to be gutted they aren’t invited to a party. At that age it’s all about parties. They think they should go to every one. I don’t think there is a parent who hasn’t experienced this to some extent. Friendships evolve and change , you can still be good friends, but not the closest. Smaller group parties are the norm and by definition, of course everyone can’t go.

why the op hasn’t been able to manage it , feels her kid is entitled, and has moved to the horrific she’s going to have a whole class party and exclude this little girl is something you’d need to ask her.

According to OP and her daughter. Clearly not as close as they thought which isn’t mean or nasty, it’s just normal for friendships to change.

@Janieforever I think the fender is relevant at that age. It's very common for the girls to mostly play with the girls and the boys to play with the boys. So this feels like a massive snub given the small number of girls in the class. We have quite often just invited the girls to my daughters party, old fashioned yes, and not ideal as there are maybe 1 or 2 girls she wouldn't chose to invite and a couple of boys she would, but it's draws a clear line and helps to avoid anyone feeling left out.

*gender

Maybe the girls parents aren’t old fashioned and/or maybe the girl prefers to play with boys.

It seems like for some people, the birthday party should be based completely on OP’s DD’s feelings with no consideration to what the actual birthday girl wants. It’s bonkers.