Worried about husband's "clean plate policy"!!!

[jujumm]

I have a 7-year-old, healthy, active, daughter. She eats very well from my perspective (experiments with new foods, eats vegetables, etc) while having the typical food aversions which shall pass (no onions please!). Very often (and I mean 90% of meals) my husband makes her finish the food on her plate, even after she has said she is full. Example: dinner tonight was accompanied by garden peas. She ate all her dinner and left a couple of spoonfuls of peas. He said if she did not finish the peas, she would not get a sweet (it's half term and we usually allow a small sugary treat after dinner). I get where he is coming from - why would she get a sweet if she still has some peas left? Also, kids very often say they are full just to ask for a snack, or be fully capable of having their weight in sugar shortly after a meal. But I find it hard to tell when she is "really" full, or just not interested in that meal or in finishing the vegetables. It has happened before that she was "hungry" after dinner, but that is truly rare; more often than not she has dinner, and won't eat again until breakfast the next day. I have read some articles and studies about how force-feeding your child is detrimental to their health, can impact how they control food, and potentially lead to obesity. We had a heated debate about it, as I believe she is old enough to choose when she will "clean" a plate. He is still old school in controlling her food. I told him to look up the research on the subject, and he rebuffed my plea, saying he doesn't believe in it and that he surely would find articles that would back his views. I would welcome it if you could share your views and experiences you have with your children on the subject. And if anyone here is a specialist in the area, please please help!

Clean plate policy is outdated and shit. It does contribute to obesity because it trains children to ignore their internal “I’m full” sense. This then leads to over eating and inability to judge portion sizes when an adult. It can also lead to eating disorders because food and dinner becomes a battle of wills between parent and child. Your DH needs to stop. If he doesn’t, when your DD says she is full, you get up, take her plate and clear it away. I would feel that strongly about it. Yeah it “undermines” him, but he is being controlling which is not on.

I disagree with the PP. I have a clear plate policy too. No fussy eaters in this house and no weight problems.

Clearing your plate when you've said you're full is unhealthy.

No clean plate policy here. "Listen to your body" is our message.

@Discovereads exactly that! He is being controlling and when I confronted him about today (which led me to this post) he said I was undermining him in front of her. I really don't like doing it, and as a couple, we have always agreed to have a united front, but I feel SO strongly about it, that I couldn't help it tonight, not anymore!

Forcing them can 100% cause issues later in life. Same as withholding can.

With my children, if they say they are full I ask them to eat at least 3 more mouthfuls and they can be finished.

I feel better If I know they've got full tummies and they dont mind the 3 extra mouthfuls as they know they dont have to eat anymore after that, it works well for us ( my children are 5 and 7 )

Yup clean plate policy in our house and all three siblings with lifelong weight problems.

@Dacadactyl thanks for your message, I really want to hear from people who agree with how my husband deals with this as despite my currently not agreeing with him, I am ready to be wrong. :)

I think I am likely to be in the minority on here, but my parents had a clear plate policy with us too and we are all a normal weight and eat all sorts.

I just continued it with my own kids cos I can't abide food waste and they're not a bit fussy either.

Husband is copying his parents and is so wrong. Your body tell’s you when you’ve had enough and not a parent
Over fill his plate massively and throw on a couple of extra spuds too and demand he finishes it

Hes making an issue out of food and this is where eating issues start

Absolutely this. It’s not healthy to force feed someone. It’s normal to feel more hungry some days than others, or to prefer some food more than other food.

As long as she’s not leaving her dinner and then asking for food half an hour later, which it doesn’t sound like she is.

What is his actual reason for forcing her to eat everything on her plate?

I would put my foot down on this.

Knowing your child here helps. DD for example often leaves 2 or 3 mouthfuls where I havent been sure about her portion and exactly how much to give her (and often the left amount is the bit that I have umm and ahhed about adding).

And then how much you have given them as well - are they leaving the vegetables because they cant be bothered and did you get the proportions right.

But in terms of actually being full you should never override that and force people to eat

@BlipFlipBopFlop sometimes that has been a tactic (2/3 more spoonfuls) but sometimes I see she is struggling but will do it to avoid punishment (usually in the for of now being allowed a sweet after). So hard! I am torn ahaha!

I’d sort of see his point if she chooses what and how much to eat - she shouldn’t take food that she doesn’t want.

I’m still not sure forcing food into her is the way to teach that lesson though.

But making a child eat a random amount that they might not want is just unkind, never mind the later issues.

Clean plate policy is crazy.but you can manage both attitudes with a serve yourself policy, easily done,no wastage and still allows them to feel when they are full,just serve food on the table they choose what they can eat,nothing is wasted,no one is forced to eat which will create problems down the line.serve in a buffet style help yourself then no one is upset.

I don't agree with "clean plate or no sweet", if a sweet was being offered after the meal my children got it regardless of how much/little they ate. Dessert is not a treat for eating all their dinner, it is a treat as part of their meal

Forcing a child to eat food that they don’t want is quite frankly an abuse of your power as a parent. And I’m sorry but “not wanting food waste” is not a good enough reason to make anyone eat something that they don’t want to eat.

My parents had a clean plate policy. The main thing I remember about meals as a child is how horrible they were. It caused constant arguments. I resorted to things like shoving food in my cheeks like a hamster and spitting it down the loo. Being forced to eat food you don't want is awful. I suspect your husband wouldn't like it if it happened to him.

Who decides how much food goes on the plate on the first place?

Clear plate policy here. I'm not over weight and neither is my son. My daughter who NEVER clears her plate is overweight because she magically feels hungry after leaving most of her food and raids the fridge for snacks.

I abhor food waste!

That’s what I think
I wasn’t made to do that but
i also wish I’d grown up in a house where pudding wasn’t a norm.

even if just fruit, it sets up an idea that pudding is important as part of a meal

the thinnest and fittest people I know were raised to see sugar and chocolate etc as very rare treats. I know some posters will have a fit at this part - but they were also raised on very little fish and meat. I so wish that had been me. I am not criticising my folks, I know they wanted us to enjoy things. Just an observation.

It doesn’t work. I was made to eat food on plate and I mean sit there for hours till all gone .. I was a fussy eater though but all it has down is made me even more fussy. Hate most foods.

@Bigslippers I am laughing so much at the prospect of making my husband eat a big full plate without wanting it! Lol

Clean plate policy is cruel, my Dd had horrible stomach ache for hours after an idiot new employee nursery forced DD2 to overeat. We did not go back!

It also stretches the stomach and teaches children to ignore the ‘I’m full’ sensation which makes them more likely to be fat in future.

Your husband is a cruel bully. Who says this is his decision? If you disagree why can’t you as the mum just abolish the rule? He’s bullying you too it seems 😕

Another one that agrees with you, it's best to have kids who know when they're full but hard to serve exactly the right the right amount as they are growing.
Maybe give her less but offer fruit after is she wants it.

Clean plate is just odd - eating when you are full is not cool.

I would pull out a ton of research on girls and body image and mental health, talk about your past issues (exaggerate a bit if necessary) and say that he just doesn’t get it - but as a woman you won’t have it.

Most men find this area a bit scary and he’ll probably back off.

However there are compromises. It’s fine to say that if she hasn’t finished (unless it’s something she really doesn’t like) that pudding type thing will wait till later when she’s hungry again.

But generally I would knock off the pudding after a meal thing. Often people/kids don’t really have room for it, but we like it, so we eat it anyway.. it’s a bad habit. Have sweet stuff but at random times - eg a cake in a teashop at teatime, and then just adjust by serving a bit less dinner.