Worried about husband's "clean plate policy"!!!

[jujumm]

I have a 7-year-old, healthy, active, daughter. She eats very well from my perspective (experiments with new foods, eats vegetables, etc) while having the typical food aversions which shall pass (no onions please!). Very often (and I mean 90% of meals) my husband makes her finish the food on her plate, even after she has said she is full. Example: dinner tonight was accompanied by garden peas. She ate all her dinner and left a couple of spoonfuls of peas. He said if she did not finish the peas, she would not get a sweet (it's half term and we usually allow a small sugary treat after dinner). I get where he is coming from - why would she get a sweet if she still has some peas left? Also, kids very often say they are full just to ask for a snack, or be fully capable of having their weight in sugar shortly after a meal. But I find it hard to tell when she is "really" full, or just not interested in that meal or in finishing the vegetables. It has happened before that she was "hungry" after dinner, but that is truly rare; more often than not she has dinner, and won't eat again until breakfast the next day. I have read some articles and studies about how force-feeding your child is detrimental to their health, can impact how they control food, and potentially lead to obesity. We had a heated debate about it, as I believe she is old enough to choose when she will "clean" a plate. He is still old school in controlling her food. I told him to look up the research on the subject, and he rebuffed my plea, saying he doesn't believe in it and that he surely would find articles that would back his views. I would welcome it if you could share your views and experiences you have with your children on the subject. And if anyone here is a specialist in the area, please please help!

We do this too.
Except 3 spoonfuls for small one and 5 spoonfuls for bigger one (correlating go their ages!)

My dad and his family had a clean plate policy and were forced to finish their food so they can have something sweet growing up. All 5 member of that family are drastically over weight; have big food issues and have to have a pudding after dinner to feel done.

It might just be a coincidence but they do blame it on the way food was given to them.

We have a you try everything on your plate policy but it’s ok to leave some. No fussy eaters here, some days they eat loads and others not so much which the doctors have said is intuitive eating and could be better long run (who knows give it 20 years)

Lol. I'm not denying that some people have issues with food. I'm just saying I don't, nor do my siblings, no do my kids.

My comment is no more anecdotal than yours!

We don't do clean plate policy, my mum did with us growing up and it's ruined me, I still have to finish the plate of food even if I'm full!

My daughter isn't a fussy eater at all, if she's been with us all day and I know what she's eaten you can figure out if she's actually full or just waiting for the treat. Usually if there's a few spoonfuls left I would say one big one and we're done.

Well I would say that is more luck than policy.

I was in a clean your plate household and it messed me up terribly. I remember being forced to eat until I was so full I vomited. As an adult, I'm slim, but had to relearn how to feel full, because I'd totally lost that skill - full became when I couldn't physically cram any more food in.

My parents were also obsessed with food waste, but never seemed to serve food that it was easy not to waste IYSWIM? I have a 3.5 year old, and I often serve him things that can easily be repurposed or reheated or just go back in the fridge.

I tell my DS before he eat’s what the expectation is. For example, something like spag Bol he can eat what he likes but if it’s fish, potatoes and peas I might say I need you to eat the fish and the peas. Otherwise he would live on plain carbs. I don’t tell my daughter what to eat because she eats a wide range of foods and isn’t at all fussy. I generally give small portions and have more in the dish if they want it.

I have a clean your plate policy if you want a pudding (not every night about once or twice a week they get one) or you won't get one. However I do generally tell the kids to try finish there dinner but limit afternoon snacks to ensure they are hungry enough for dinner. I don't force them to finish there dinner but if they don't I remind them that there won't be treats etc. They do generally finish there dinner but if they say they are full or really don't like it I let it go. All of them are healthy weights as are DH and I. I don't allow lots of snacking though as I think that's far more likely to lead to obesity. They get breakfast, lunch and dinner plus a small mid morning snack and small mid afternoon snack. They do often have toast or cereal before bed too as they do activities like football after dinner.

14 spoons of peas?actually?I'd just save the broccoli for later,just leave it for later it shouldn't be an issue.serve less or let her serve herself and change the narrative so she is keen for seconds,mine clearly get a much smaller dinner,we always save anything they can't manage for supper so there is no wastage and puddings are a treat or when I don't cook enough.minimal food wastage and no one if forced to eat,that was awful in the 80s I remember it well!

I was raised to clear my plate. I didn't have any problems as a child but have had weight issues from my late teens until now. I struggle to stop eating when I'm full. I struggle to recognise being full at all.

Just to make it clear I encourage him to eat it but I would never force him and if he really doesn’t want to he doesn’t have to. We don’t have other options or pudding though.

She sounds like a great kid.
Most children stop when they feel comfortably full, you will dull that self-regulation by forcing her to eat more. Serve her less (although still don't force her to finish it) and allow seconds if still hungry.
Bear in mind she will have growth spurts, and times when she wont need so many calories. Her appetite may also be affected by hormones.
DH needs to get off his high horse and consider there may be more than one way of approaching this.
Meal times should be nice family times.

You're lucky then. My kids would just refuse all veg entirely. As they are getting older they are starting to realise that they actually like most veg only because we have insisted they try it. If they could determine their own diets they simply would have refused to eat all foods besides chicken nuggets and pizza forevermore. We certainly don't have a clearplate policy..but if they can scoff the “yummy" part of the dinner and then a dessert then they can eat a small amount of veg!

I think forcing someone to eat is abusive and controlling.

Aside from that, please use paragraphs.

This is the view I have. It's not really a clean your plate. I was brought up with this and have a healthy attitude to food. I don't eat unless I am hungry and eat 3 meals a day and don't snack much.

Ok op how would you feel if he did this with you fro example? If you HAD to eat everything on your plate - wanted or not .?

Would you ?

Those saying they have a clear plate policy because they abhor waste - the food is still going to waste if you insist the child eats it when they are not hungry!

My child is not a dustbin so I have never insisted he eat if he says he's had enough. Some days I am hungrier than others. Some days I may be feeling tired which can mean I'm not so hungry. I wouldn't finish my meal if I was full. Why on earth would I? I certainly don't make my child.

He has a good appetite and isn't at all fussy. I've brought him up to never continue eating once full.

I definitely don't believe in a sweet treat being a reward for finishing your meal. I didn't do this with my kids and they are both normal weight.

I grew up in a household where you had to finish everything to get pudding and I have had to work really hard to learn how to listen to my body. Even now my instinct is to clear the plate/have seconds to ensure no waste even if I'm full.
DH was threatened with being force fed if he refused certain foods. It did not make him like those foods more and he was incredibly picky until his early 20's when an ex-gf introduced him to vegetables 😆

Our house rules are:
We decide what we are eating, DC decide how much of it they are eating wether that's none or loads (although tbh I've never seen a 'none'). There is always some component of 'safe' food if introducing something new but other than that they get what we're having and that's that. We focus on mealtimes being about talking as a family and enjoying the time together so try to keep meals lighthearted and fun. We talk about our day, plans for the week, tell jokes, play word games etc.
Puddings are occasional and there are no rules about having eaten other foods to get sweet stuff, that just further demonises savoury foods over sweet.

Same here. Meals were miserable. I still don't eat things I was 'forced' to eat. I'm slim though.

With my now adult DC, the meal, including any pudding, was a singular thing, and they could eat as much or as little as they liked of either. Both are now slim men.

I loathe the 'clean plate ' policy, turning mealtimes into an unpleasant battle of wills.

If she was genuinely full she wouldn't have space for a sugary treat - I think withholding pudding for not eating vegetables is fine. A blanket clean plate policy is wrong, and teaches a child to ignore feelings of fullness, but making sure they at least eat their veg is normal, no?

We ensure DS has his 5-a-day, he's allowed to leave anything on his plate but he knows that if he doesn't eat his veg he won't get pudding. I think that's fair enough.

We had this as children
I would regularly get certain meals served up at the next meal. Turns out I'm allergic to shellfish - no wonder I wouldn't eat any fish.

Two more mouthfuls & you can finish.
I don't withhold the desert if they've eaten most of the main.

I agree with the majority on here. One of the most valuable lessons we can teach our children is to listen to their body and stop when full. There is an obesity epidemic affecting so many aspects of adult health, with bad habits starting in childhood in many cases. Don't let your child add to the statistics by letting your husband ingrain bad habits.

This is spot on.

No fuck that. Send your child on a path to disordered eating if you so wish but personally I wouldn't wish it on anybody.