Worried about husband's "clean plate policy"!!!

[jujumm]

I have a 7-year-old, healthy, active, daughter. She eats very well from my perspective (experiments with new foods, eats vegetables, etc) while having the typical food aversions which shall pass (no onions please!). Very often (and I mean 90% of meals) my husband makes her finish the food on her plate, even after she has said she is full. Example: dinner tonight was accompanied by garden peas. She ate all her dinner and left a couple of spoonfuls of peas. He said if she did not finish the peas, she would not get a sweet (it's half term and we usually allow a small sugary treat after dinner). I get where he is coming from - why would she get a sweet if she still has some peas left? Also, kids very often say they are full just to ask for a snack, or be fully capable of having their weight in sugar shortly after a meal. But I find it hard to tell when she is "really" full, or just not interested in that meal or in finishing the vegetables. It has happened before that she was "hungry" after dinner, but that is truly rare; more often than not she has dinner, and won't eat again until breakfast the next day. I have read some articles and studies about how force-feeding your child is detrimental to their health, can impact how they control food, and potentially lead to obesity. We had a heated debate about it, as I believe she is old enough to choose when she will "clean" a plate. He is still old school in controlling her food. I told him to look up the research on the subject, and he rebuffed my plea, saying he doesn't believe in it and that he surely would find articles that would back his views. I would welcome it if you could share your views and experiences you have with your children on the subject. And if anyone here is a specialist in the area, please please help!

Allow DD to choose the amount she puts on her plate so she eats what she wants or quietly tell OH to STFU

@Believeitornot no, we also don't and wouldn't force her to eat food she doesn't like. We have tried to start adding bits back in. She will only eat pasta with nothing in it, as an example, whereas a year ago she'd eat pasta with any sauce. We've started adding a few pieces of pasta that have some pesto on, just really in an attempt to expand the food she will eat.

As I said we are lucky in that what she will eat is healthy - last night she had salmon, rice, cucumber and broccoli.

We never had a clean plate policy however there was no desert unless you finished the main course. But then all food was nutritious wholesome food. It taught the importance of eating healthy food over sweets. There was also no snacking you ate at designated times and that's it and we weren't triggered, consumed by eating issues or anything like that. It also wasn't wasteful so if I couldn't eat it it was added to the fridge and added to the next meal.

Sounds like my dd! She loves pasta (plain) and now has started mixing sauce back in without encouragement… But we no longer react to her choices, which makes her a bit more relaxed at meals. (Not even a positive reaction, we say nothing as per advice).

I think there's a place for the clean plate thing... if you dont finish it that's fine but you won't get a treat after as you're already full. If you aren't really full and just want to bypass the peas to get the sweet faster then, eat up!
Nobody is under any pressure to eat if full, but it means the healthy food is the priority.
If its a case of trying something new, and the kid genuinely doesnt like it, offer them an alternative.
It boggles my mind when my dh leaves some of his dinner and goes straight for a chocolate biscuit and a cup of tea 🤯

I was raised being forced to finish my food. Now I struggle with obesity and food issues. Put a stop to it immediately.

Just save the food and if she is still hungry offer it to her to finish. She'll resent meal times, and her father for this.

To all of those who are using pudding as a treat if they finish their dinner. How does this work? On nights when they don’t get offered a treat do you give them bigger portions? And then smaller ones to leave space for pudding on some nights?

It seems bizarre to me. As an adult I might not finish all my main and still fancy something sweet. I don’t force myself to eat the main first as that would be odd behaviour. There isn’t a finite ‘full’ unless you’re talking about eating until you puke. You eat enough to not be hungry then maybe fancy a pudding. Why are kids different?

an overall healthy diet eradicates any of this mental gymnastics

Nobody is under any pressure to eat if full, but it means the healthy food is the priority

have a read of war and peas. It demonstrates how this attitude leads kids to overeat unhealthy ‘treat’ foods when given the opportunity rather than seeing them as a small part of a normal diet. They’re the kids gorging at the party.

Your brain sends a message when you're full, it's healthy to pay attention to it. Why would you force your children to ignore it ?

Please ask your DH not to do this. I’m from a clean plate family. It’s taken decades for me to learn that I can stop when I’m full. Such an unhealthy attitude.

Yet

I googled "war and peas" but what came up was a children's picture book and a web comic. Do you have a link to the book you are talking about @shockmeafter ?

Please refer the relevant medical research where it has been shown that pressure around food can lead in some cases to eating disorders - in my mind not worth the risk.

Does your DH still believe hitting children is still acceptable - society evolves he may want to check his need to control a 7 year old girls eating.

Why am I 5'7 and 9 stone 10 then?

Why is my sister even taller and thinner then?

My parents also had a clear plate policy for us too. Neither of us are over or underweight!

Some think sweets are part of a meal and shouldn't be conditional, others think if they are full for vegetables, then they are full for sweets. It is a hard one! If they are properly full of food, then is eating sweets overeating?

Has eaten a decent meal? If yes, she gets the sweet. It doesn't matter if she hasn't eaten every single bite.

Treat kids how you would like to be treated if someone else was controlling your food. If you left a few peas on your plate and were then refused a dessert, how would you feel?

If your daughter generally eats well and is healthy, I think your DH is just having a bit of a power trip and exerting control for the sake of it. This does not benefit your daughter's health in any way whatsoever, so why is he doing it?

I can't understand why you allow snacks if your daughter hasn't eaten her dinner. If she doesn't eat dinner then that should be it until the next meal.
There shouldn't be a rule about finishing everything on the plate. It's much better to put food in separate dishes and let people help themselves. Whenever I go to a restaurant, I almost never eat everything on the plate even if it's a meal I enjoy.
Children know when they're full, just as much as adults.

Because in everything that studies prove to affect the majority, there are always outliers. Sort of like my chain smoking Nan who smoked nonstop for seventy years and never got cancer. You prove the exception, not the rule.

Well I'm happy to take the risk. The kids are happy and healthy and I am assuming that they will turn out OK. Just like my sister and I did.

If your DC is eating well he needs to leave her alone. My DS always ate well but would have times where he wasnt as hungry. Learning to regulate and understand when you are full and hungry is a life skill.

I think, like many things, it depends on the child.

My eldest, no problem, eats what's put in front of him. If he says he doesn't like it, or he's had enough, then it's the truth. And if he's full, he'll wait for pudding until he feels ready.

Youngest, not a chance. Puddings have to be strictly rationed, requirements to try something before declaring he won't eat it, to eat X amount of each vegetable etc. Fussiest of fussy, purely a control thing (sometimes he'll eat something, a week later he won't)

If I only had DS1 I'd think I was a fabulous parent.

Then DS2 came along, and with the same treatment would eat nothing but chocolate spread and icecream, and so needs a much heavier hand.

Noooo

My parents did this

I find it impossible to leave anything on my plate. I keep going even when full. It's ingrained

Im fat. I overeat too

well i had the clean plate policy and suffered with an eating disorder for 20 years so... i guess it's situational

plus everyone should get a desert it makes life a whole lot better

Lucky you, am guessing you are in the minority though going by the statistics plus the feedback on here.

Why would anybody think it's ok to make anybody eat food they don't want? It's not rocket science, don't eat if you're not hungry.

I think people are getting confused between force feeding and clean your plate!

I don't make my kids sit there as though they are at a trough and shout at them to "eat, eat, eat" with a huge portion, a la Bruce Bogtrotter.

Like a PP said, you know how your own kids operate and if I didn't have this policy I'd have all 4 of us eating different meals at different times and be throwing food away. It's just not going to happen in this house anyway.