Worried about husband's "clean plate policy"!!!

[jujumm]

I have a 7-year-old, healthy, active, daughter. She eats very well from my perspective (experiments with new foods, eats vegetables, etc) while having the typical food aversions which shall pass (no onions please!). Very often (and I mean 90% of meals) my husband makes her finish the food on her plate, even after she has said she is full. Example: dinner tonight was accompanied by garden peas. She ate all her dinner and left a couple of spoonfuls of peas. He said if she did not finish the peas, she would not get a sweet (it's half term and we usually allow a small sugary treat after dinner). I get where he is coming from - why would she get a sweet if she still has some peas left? Also, kids very often say they are full just to ask for a snack, or be fully capable of having their weight in sugar shortly after a meal. But I find it hard to tell when she is "really" full, or just not interested in that meal or in finishing the vegetables. It has happened before that she was "hungry" after dinner, but that is truly rare; more often than not she has dinner, and won't eat again until breakfast the next day. I have read some articles and studies about how force-feeding your child is detrimental to their health, can impact how they control food, and potentially lead to obesity. We had a heated debate about it, as I believe she is old enough to choose when she will "clean" a plate. He is still old school in controlling her food. I told him to look up the research on the subject, and he rebuffed my plea, saying he doesn't believe in it and that he surely would find articles that would back his views. I would welcome it if you could share your views and experiences you have with your children on the subject. And if anyone here is a specialist in the area, please please help!

I think the clean plate idea is really outdated. It's all about balance as are a lot of areas in child wrangling.
I think you've got a sensible approach tbh. Plenty of healthy variety with little treats.
Foods should neither be forced nor forbidden in my view. Can cause all sorts of issues.
Your daughter clearly isn't a picky eater and DH making a battle out of dinner time is daft.

It doesn’t really matter how you do it, but a “clean plate policy” is force feeding by coercion and under emotional duress.

Lol...ok then, if you say so!

Don’t “lol” about this that’s really inappropriate

you claim there is a difference but to what extent would you uphold your “clean plate policy” and when - if at all - would you abandon it?

I will "lol" at what i want.

I wouldnt abandon my policy. As i stated, it worked for my sister and i and it works with my kids too.

I am confident in my parenting and not remotely concerned what people on mumsnet think of it.

Or what psychologists think, or what the studies on adults damaged by “clean plate” parenting say.

Try her with fish fingers and custard, please.

Lol is cringe especially in the context of a discussion of this nature. But you crack on.

so you wouldn’t abandon your policy because it works with your kids?

I asked you if it didn’t work what would you do not what works for you. It was a hypothetical question because I wanted to know whether you would give in or in fact force a child to clear their plate. I wasn’t asking about or interested in your own little biddable plate clearers but thanks for sharing that with me and others whose opinions of your parenting are apparently irrelevant

Yes, your opinion is totally and absolutely irrelevant to me, so this will be my last word on the topic.

If something has worked well for you/your children, that is fine; share your experience. If something has not worked for you/your children, feel free to share or reassess things. That's the point of an Internet forum, to share experiences and give opinions.

I am saying that this system works for my kids and worked for my parents too. Other people don't have to like it or agree...I'm cool with that.

Still can’t answer the question though can you 😁

Put it in serving bowls. Let her take what she wants, but what she takes she has to eat but she can have a small amount and then have seconds

With my DD she will leave bits on her plate and then go and have a snack after her meal so I try and get her to finish her meal. It depends on the kid and on the portion size as well. I give my DD a portion size she should be able to finish so if she doesn’t I know she won’t be full.

I do think a clean plate policy is borderline abusive. You aren't giving the child agency over their own body. As an adult I might not finish my entire plate of food because I've just had enough of it. I'd still fit a dessert in because it's a different variety of food.
My children are grown now but as long as they had eaten the majority of their food that was good enough for me. We don't have desserts unless we go out.

Same here and dessert is usually something fruit based so not unhealthy junk but sweet to the taste and with the different vitamins you get from fruit. Usually have vegetables with a savoury main, so dessert is how we get our fruit portions in. So there’s no need to set up the idea that dessert is a “treat” you have to “earn” by eating all your main dish. Its just part of the meal. My DC could eat it first if they wanted to. Was very flexible.

I would like to see the people who advocate for this policy, on a day when they feel a bit off, or maybe they had an unusually large lunch and aren’t hungry in the evening, be served up an enormous plate of food and forced to finish it.

It’s denying your child the right to bodily autonomy because YOU can’t stand food waste. Go and seek counselling for YOUR problem and allow your child to learn to listen to their own body.

My husband was raised by a mum who hated waste and it has taken some time but he sees the reasoning behind not forcing clean plates and now the kids are older it is very obvious that it has been successful. My kids are healthy, slender and eat a very broad and balanced diet.

My child hood home had a clean plate policy, but my mum was a greedy pig. So plate was massive. I have had food issues all my life & am NC with my mum.

Look into division of responsibilities, which is usually recommended by child dietitians now. You decide what will be served, where and when. Your child decides which of the available foods and how much to eat, without pressure or comment. People’s appetites vary, people are allowed to have preferences, and this approach avoids power struggles over food and helps kids learn to listen to their own hunger and fullness signals. My parents pretty much did this in the 80s and overall I have a good relationship with food. I vividly remember a babysitter making me finish something I really didn’t like, sitting at the table forcing it down, then immediately going to the bathroom and vomiting. Not the healthiest of eating behaviours to encourage!

anecdotally, we use division of responsibility with our 3 year old and it works well for us. Yes some days she will have very little main course but still want the yoghurt for pudding. Other days she’ll wolf down the main course and ask for more instead of pudding. We also never make dessert contingent on anything - it’s part of the meal so everyone gets it if they want some. Interestingly our kid often eats half a biscuit or similar “treats” then says she’s full, or she wants to save the rest for later.

Also, as an adult, as an example I really like chocolate cake. So if there’s chocolate cake for pudding one day and I really want to eat some, I’ll serve myself less of the main course so I can leave space for it. That’s perfectly normal and healthy too!

This has so infuriated me that I would
Serve your husband a massive plate of food (something he's not crazy about) on a day he's had a large lunch or not feeling 💯 and demand a clean plate.
I'd do it in front of your daughter too. He's a controlling twat

*no weight problems for now.

There are zero benefits to a clear plate policy Vs very high risk of disordered eating in the future.

Why would you encourage your child to ignore their satiety signals?