Worried about husband's "clean plate policy"!!!

[jujumm]

I have a 7-year-old, healthy, active, daughter. She eats very well from my perspective (experiments with new foods, eats vegetables, etc) while having the typical food aversions which shall pass (no onions please!). Very often (and I mean 90% of meals) my husband makes her finish the food on her plate, even after she has said she is full. Example: dinner tonight was accompanied by garden peas. She ate all her dinner and left a couple of spoonfuls of peas. He said if she did not finish the peas, she would not get a sweet (it's half term and we usually allow a small sugary treat after dinner). I get where he is coming from - why would she get a sweet if she still has some peas left? Also, kids very often say they are full just to ask for a snack, or be fully capable of having their weight in sugar shortly after a meal. But I find it hard to tell when she is "really" full, or just not interested in that meal or in finishing the vegetables. It has happened before that she was "hungry" after dinner, but that is truly rare; more often than not she has dinner, and won't eat again until breakfast the next day. I have read some articles and studies about how force-feeding your child is detrimental to their health, can impact how they control food, and potentially lead to obesity. We had a heated debate about it, as I believe she is old enough to choose when she will "clean" a plate. He is still old school in controlling her food. I told him to look up the research on the subject, and he rebuffed my plea, saying he doesn't believe in it and that he surely would find articles that would back his views. I would welcome it if you could share your views and experiences you have with your children on the subject. And if anyone here is a specialist in the area, please please help!

I just continued it with my own kids cos I can't abide food waste and they're not a bit fussy either.

Food in a stomach that doesn't need or want it is just as 'wasted' as it would be in the bin.

No clean plate policy here and DD is the least fussy child I've ever met. She has to try everything. Doesn't have to like it or eat it.

I would also say don't make pudding a norm,if they can't eat a meal they can't eat pudding that makes sense,just save it for the next day and cook a smaller main meal?I have ours save their tea for supper if they can't eat it all,no pressure but minimal wastage as they will be hungry later in our household anyway.i wouldn't give them pudding but that's not seen as a punishment I'd avoid anything that mixes food and punishment tbh

Who is plating up? If you/DH are then she definitely shouldn’t be forced to eat any more once she says she’s full. I can see the argument for making her finish her plate if she’s put too much on herself (although I’m not sure if I agree with it)
I loathe being told to clear my plate or eat more of something I don’t want. Sometimes I’ll have more rice left on my plate but my body says “no more rice” so I won’t eat any more but I might want more veg for example.
I was never forced to clear my plate as a child and while I don’t always have the best diet (definitely a few too many biscuits!) I’ve never been overweight.

@Endlessdays I don't think there is a reason in particular beyond making sure she is full enough of "real" food and perhaps him mimicking his own experience as a child.

Completely agree with what the majority are saying here.

We do not have a clear plate policy and both are very good eaters,but equally are very good at stopping when full and not over eating. This also applies to sweet things.

I don't offer sweet things or puddings as a reward for clearing their plates. I feel it creates a very unhealthy relationship with food from the get go if some foods are seen as a prize.

We give everything at once. Eat your “pudding” first. Who cares. It is a complete meal. Don’t want to eat your peas. Fine. They also know there’s a difference between food that can fill your tummy and that which “just” tastes nice.

I hate to see food wasted but wouldn’t force someone, especially a child, to eat more if they are full.

Could you put less on her plate? That way, she could ask for a bit more if still hungry or be done if it was enough IYSWIM?

@Violettaa we usually serve her portion, so I think that is a big point we could start changing - letting her choose he own portion which I know she does now at school (she is in Year 3) but was not doing before in primary school when they were served.

Here is a good article on the subject.
www.nurturelife.com/blog/re-thinking-clean-plate-strategy/

Well if it helps it was deemed abusive parenting in my ex’s case. Not just by me

My kids dietician in the paediatric dept says do not ever do this. It creates anxiety around food, and disturbs the child's learning from their own hormones. Dessert should be offered too as it is part of the meal not an extra treat.

sometimes I see she is struggling but will do it (carry on eating) to avoid punishment

this is just child abuse. I can’t understand why you’re ‘lol’ and ‘haha’ing all over the place. This is a serious issue. My husband was forced to eat food and has had life long issues with it.

Same here.

@chergar I agree, if we give a sweet it should come regardless, and not used as a bargaining chip which could lead her to overeat.

Yep. I remember torturous dinner times where my cousin was made to eat every last bean on his plate while my mum and I sat awkwardly. Clean plate policy is old-fashioned and tbh in some cases I think it's actually verging on abusive.

This.

Its really abusive.

I have life long food issues because I was made to do this as a child.

If a child has had enough, they’ve had enough and that’s the end of it.

Tell your husband you think he is undermining you and you don't agree with him. Why does he get to decide to be honest there is probably no conclusive evidence either way. Some experts would advocate intuitive eating, some would say finishing up your vegetables is important and would make you less likely to feel hungry and eat unhealthy snacks. So there is no reason to think he is right and should make a unilateral decision. You can come to a compromise that you both agree on.

This. Your children aren't human dustbins. We had clean plate policy as children & I hate the way I now feel obliged to finish every scrap of food that comes my way - I vowed never to do it with my DC. Can't see any benefits of it.

PILs tried this on DS in front of us. Just the once. My reaction was a fury like one I have rarely unleashed, and based on the fact I ended up very ill from total food refusal aged 6 because I couldn't clean my plate so why try since I'd be in trouble anyway? I am ND and have texture problems, and that probably is why it upsets me so much though. I let DS explore food by himself and he's doing great. I'd like to waste less food but it's not a hill to die on.

@ChocFrog not fully his decision, hence why we had a heated discussion today about it this evening as I told him to stop as he was doing it! We try to always put a united front when it comes to the kids, but this is one subject we don't seem to see eye to eye, and it is causing some friction in the household!

I would serve the dessert at the same time as the main meal and let her serve her own portion (reminder her to start small, she can go back for more) and then there's no conflict either way.

No clean plate policy here and no weight issues or fussiness either. We've never really done puddings or sweets after a meal so it's just eat until you're full. Occasionally they'll have a little bit of chocolate or ice cream after their meal if they're still hungry.
Both kids (9 and 12) will try pretty much anything and eat a good variety of fruit and veggies.
Very outdated to be forcing her to clear her plate, what does he do if you don't finish your peas?

This^
It's considered quite out of date and unhealthy now. We now believe people should learn when they are full and don't need anymore food.
Everyone has different appetites.

Your husband is an ignorant bully.

Yes you should be encouraging kids to eat a bit of everything and eat until they are full. Absolutely should not make them clean their plate. Of course that contributes to ignoring the being full signal from the brain and can lead to overeating/weight gain as they get older. It's a very old fashioned approach to make them finish everything.

Obviously if they eat half their dinner and ask for a snack 20 mins later then that's a no.

I always asked my kids if they felt they'd eaten enough and asked them to have a bit of everything (especially veggies). But I've never asked them to clean their plate.