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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Bedbouncer · 10/10/2022 18:13

Good grief - hv sounds very unpleasant op and your menus sound perfect to me. Did she make any constructive suggestions? Or just berate you and leave? I'd be fuming 😤

Battytwatty · 10/10/2022 18:13

Sounds fine to me. Lovely in fact. Can I come for tea? Lol

Hugasauras · 10/10/2022 18:14

HV is nuts and I am coming round for tea!

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WhatsAVideo · 10/10/2022 18:16

HV is nuts, ignore

Cluelessfirstimer · 10/10/2022 18:16

For fuck sake. Sorry for the language but that's ridiculous. Her telling you to get a cook book is totally out of order.

I'm a FTM so I don't have loads of experience and I'm sure others will come along and reassure you more but that looks totally fine to me. More healthy than a lot of people do.

I swear they think we can sit at home all day cooking. When I reach the age my little one is on solids he will eat healthily but if I have to chuck fish fingers in the oven once in a while I will. And the HV can swing

Dartmoorcheffy · 10/10/2022 18:16

I'm a chef and that's a great menu. It's healthy and nutritious. And it's great if he's enjoying all that too.

Cluelessfirstimer · 10/10/2022 18:17

Im coming round for my tea too

mtld · 10/10/2022 18:18

I can’t fathom what her problem was. I wish we could hear her explain herself. If you do ever get an explanation from her, please give us an update.

Flowersintheattic57 · 10/10/2022 18:18

Was she an older HV? Her suggestions are rather old fashioned. There’s nothing wrong with the food you’re offering: it’s varied and there’s plenty of fruit and veg.
She sounds rather stuck in ‘meat and two veg’ school of cooking. Take no notice, if your children are eating that menu, you’re doing a fantastic job.

DanglingMod · 10/10/2022 18:18

Bloody nuts. Does she perhaps not know what some of those things are ? 😉

CryCeratops · 10/10/2022 18:19

It looks fine to me.

Notjusta · 10/10/2022 18:19

Sounds lovely and varied. Ignore the HV.

Notjusta · 10/10/2022 18:19

DanglingMod · 10/10/2022 18:18

Bloody nuts. Does she perhaps not know what some of those things are ? 😉

I wondered this too.

FrazzleDazz · 10/10/2022 18:20

All sounds lovely! Like a PP said, was she older or more traditional? If she's suggesting cottage pie etc? On an average week we maybe eat one "traditional" meal, so am I also feeding my family rubbish? I don't think so!

RinseBlue · 10/10/2022 18:21

I hope she doesn't visit me! Sounds good to me (an average to unhealthy working parent).

PinkButtercups · 10/10/2022 18:21

She sounds like an arse.

No way do they NEED a hot meal at lunch. My DS (3) wouldn't even touch a hot meal at lunch. He loves his sandwiches, yogurts, fruit etc.

TrianglePlayer · 10/10/2022 18:22

Wow that’s amazing food. I wish we had given that kind of variety when our kids were young and they wouldn’t be so stuck in their ways now! You sound like you’re doing a proper decent job.

nomistake · 10/10/2022 18:22

Send me the recipes for all these things! Sounds like HV was jealous of your tasty cooking

RandomMusings7 · 10/10/2022 18:22

That menu sounds amazing. Varied, tasty, healthy, plenty of protein and veggies. Your kids are lucky.

Donno what the HV was thinking, but she's obviously nuts. Please ignore

SingingSands · 10/10/2022 18:22

Wow, I'd be really offended by her reaction too OP, she sounds really unpleasant!

Your meals sound great, keep doing the good job that you are doing.

Try not to let this upset you further (I'm sorry, I know it's easy for me to say, it's so awful that she said these things to you in your own home it feels like an attack on your parenting).

Have a lovely cuppa tonight and a big cuddle of your babies, who are doing fine on your yummy home made dinners x

YesItIsI · 10/10/2022 18:23

That menu looks great.

Sooo forgive me for possibly jumping to conclusions but your menu has a lot of "world foods" I guess. So not "English" meals of shepherds pie etc. She refers to them as fakeaways possibly because she doesnt eat much outside of English cuisine? you mention not eating pork? Is there a racial element to her thinking?
😐

mushforbrain · 10/10/2022 18:23

If my kids ate that kind of varied diet I would be really pleased. Ignore her.

Iheartmykyndle · 10/10/2022 18:23

Is she going to pay your energy bills for cooking a roast at lunch and a cooked tea?!

Try being vegetarian with vegetarian kids OP, I could literally see our HV's hair curling. 😱

JonSnowedUnder · 10/10/2022 18:24

FFS, wish my kids would eat a variety like this. Mine survived on nuggets, waffles and plain pasta! I'm exaggerating but only slightly.

I would actually complain because she is making you feel like shit over something that you are doing well with.

Avidreader69 · 10/10/2022 18:24

You'd better get out more food, I'll be round for dinner too.