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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
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RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 10/10/2022 19:08

a lot of my meals I make in the slow cooker, to which she replied ‘so do you always, gravitate towards the easy option?’.

Cheeky bitch. I wouldn't let her back in tbh.
Nobody needs 2 cooked meals a day and your menu sounds better than most people, let alone kids, eat. Madness.

Jjones8 · 10/10/2022 19:09

Your food sounds just perfect! Ignore the health visitor and try not to think about it. Poor you x x x

Soakitup37 · 10/10/2022 19:09

“Do you lean towards the easy choice”

yes I bloody do! And who wouldn’t!

your food doesn’t even sound like the easy choice! It sounds brilliant and I’m hard pressed to see where you can find fault. She clearly didn’t have a clue what half of it was or just assumed because it had a “takeaway” element about it the. It must be bad for you.

she’d had a field day reading my menus!

op A hv told me once my child was overweight, he was (and still is) the most active child I’ve ever met, you can see his ribs and he’s never been sized out of his clothes. After that I swore I’d never see a hv again, I now have a 4 month old and I decline hv visits and seek out my own need to get my child weighed or checked based on my own advice.

oh and I agree with others this warrants a complaint. Please follow up this thread to let us know how you go if you do.

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Littleyellowbowl · 10/10/2022 19:09

You're doing so well. My child has additional needs and after 5? Weeks of school I've finally given up with the hot dinner option and just let him have the cheese or ham sandwich option every day. He also had super noodles and hot dogs for 4 days in a row once because It was all he'd eat.

Send your health visitor round mine 🤣🤣

Cantthinkofanewnameatm · 10/10/2022 19:10

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:51

She said it was too much junk food, they needed more ‘grown up food’ or they’ll get a taste for junk. I pointed out that it’s all home cooked, from scratch, no bought sauces when we do have things like pasta bake or lasagne, she said but still, they’ll get a taste for it.

she said lunch wasn’t substantial enough for small children

What utter rubbish.
I was thinking how amazing your children are tasting such a variety of “grown up” meals. The HV is barmy.
I gave up on HVs when my DD2 was about 2– she was a constant grizzler, I was worried there was something wrong I couldn’t see. It was particularly bad when we went out. I called the HV for support and advice, said she starts crying as soon as she sees her coat come out, I take her to the park, the swings, the library.. The HV said “ well I wouldn’t bother going out I I were you”
Not really sure why she was doing that job.

OP, your children are fine, you’re a great mum, ignore the woman.

2022again · 10/10/2022 19:10

ah bless you i'd be quite happy for you to design my kids school menu. they've changed to "meat free " mondays recently and she's been coming home starving so I asked what was in the tomato pasta dish ...and its more or less tomato sauce and pasta, no protein element at all. When I asked about why there was no meat free protein alternative i was told that because they get a yoghurt for pudding that covers it (...she hates yoghurts). So I think you have a far better idea of balanced meal plans then they have.

Thepurpleribbon · 10/10/2022 19:11

YesItIsI · 10/10/2022 18:23

That menu looks great.

Sooo forgive me for possibly jumping to conclusions but your menu has a lot of "world foods" I guess. So not "English" meals of shepherds pie etc. She refers to them as fakeaways possibly because she doesnt eat much outside of English cuisine? you mention not eating pork? Is there a racial element to her thinking?
😐

I thought the very same thing.

Please put it out of your mind OP. Your meals are what I wish my meals were. I have a pre schooler who is very much in the 'pasta pasta pasta beige beige beige' phase. Your HV would clutch her pearls in my house.

Buggsilla · 10/10/2022 19:11

My baby was exclusively breastfed on demand until 1 - at her choosing. Any real food she was given she'd projectile vomit, every single time. This happened again and again as well meaning mil's/neighbours/my dm etc tried to enforce their food ideas on her. I knew my baby was doing fine so I ignored them. When the time was right my baby moved over of her own accord. Ignore the HV.

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 10/10/2022 19:13

I think it’s an amazing menu and fab that you are getting your young children to try so many flavour and textures! I would definitely complain!

cansu · 10/10/2022 19:13

She is bonkers and not only that unpleasant. I would copy your menus and ask to speak to a manager. I would ask for an explanation as to why these are insufficient. Most kids are not fed a diet of this quality.

miltonj · 10/10/2022 19:13

I'm jealous of your meal plan! It looks delicious (and varied) and completely puts what I feed my kids to shame. You're doing amazingly and your HV was actively trying to put you down. I would guess something about your home/life made her Insecure and jealous so she wanted to undermine you.

Musicalmaestro · 10/10/2022 19:13

I think you should complain OP, that’s very strange advice. Are you sure it was a HV?

Cakecakecheese · 10/10/2022 19:14

If you bought a cook book that was released recently it would likely have food similar to what you make. Maybe she wants you to get one from 1978!

There's nothing wrong with liking old school dinners but there's nothing that makes it better than your menu.

SafariPark · 10/10/2022 19:15

I have found health visitors to be almost exclusively unhelpful and at times downright dangerous. After my second I sent a firm but polite email telling them they were no longer welcome to visit my home and they've left me alone.

I was waiting for a menu of cheesey pasta and freezer tapas but yours looks absolutely fine. Ignore and decline further input. Absolute nonsense.

RedToothBrush · 10/10/2022 19:15

Its difficult to work out what she said thats not grounded in B-O-L-L-O-C-K-S from what you've said.

Ignore.

Don't see her again.

Tadpoll · 10/10/2022 19:15

YesItIsI · 10/10/2022 18:23

That menu looks great.

Sooo forgive me for possibly jumping to conclusions but your menu has a lot of "world foods" I guess. So not "English" meals of shepherds pie etc. She refers to them as fakeaways possibly because she doesnt eat much outside of English cuisine? you mention not eating pork? Is there a racial element to her thinking?
😐

Absolutely this. At best she is prejudiced, at worst I think there is racism at play here.

I wouldn’t hesitate to make a formal complaint.

napody · 10/10/2022 19:15

What. A. Twat.

Honestly I'm laughing at her rudeness. The easy option? Fakeaways?! (Agree with a pp that said there was almost certainly a racial element to this).

Agree with everyone else, your food sounds fantastic. I would make a complaint and certainly wouldn't have her round again, she sounds as if she was being deliberately provocative and rude because nobody could be that tactless, surely?

Thepurpleribbon · 10/10/2022 19:15

Goldbar · 10/10/2022 18:46

I wish my fussy eater would eat a fraction of what's on your menu. Plain pasta features heavily here.

She asked if you always gravitate to the easy option but suggested pasta? She's a massive twat basically.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/10/2022 19:15

Surely no one thinks kids need a hot meal at lunch time??!

no one thinks that

Bloatstoat · 10/10/2022 19:16

I'm a dietitian. That HV is talking absolutely rubbish, and I only wish my menu plan was as good. You have a great balance and range of foods and you're doing a great job. I would seriously suggest raising a complaint, because I would worry about what advice she's giving other people. I had to complain about a HV with my eldest after they told me breastfeeding after 12 months was 'really only for the mother' and harmful for his development. Even though I knew it was rubbish it really shook me being criticised by someone like that and had me really questioning myself so I understand how you feel, it's horrible.

Rightsraptor · 10/10/2022 19:17

If I read this right, the HV asked you if you always take 'the easy option' when you mentioned using your slow cooker.

Does she even know what slow cookers are? When I use mine there's usually a fair bit of prep (of 100% fresh ingredients) but it just cooks long and slow. It isn't being lazy or easy, it's being economical and you also need to plan ahead when using one, no last minute chucking fish fingers in the pan.

The woman's being ridiculous.

QOD · 10/10/2022 19:17

how utterly ridiculous!! my dd was 98th for height and firmly 50th for weight - tall and skinny and ate sod all. chicken nuggets and smiley faces and cheese spread sandwichs with quavers.

you are doing amazingly

3WildOnes · 10/10/2022 19:17

This is so bizarre. I used to work as part of an early years service giving parents advice on eating and sleeping. I was pretty happy if I could convince them to include some peas on a plate of fish fingers and chips.

SallyWD · 10/10/2022 19:17

Oh my God, I have no idea what your health visitor would say about my children's limited diet! Your weekly menu looks great. Lots of variety, lots of nutritious meals. I'd be over the moon if my children ate all those things.

Pittapatcat · 10/10/2022 19:17

Can I come and eat at yours? It sounds delicious and the hv is being ridiculous